[Puzzle_]

I am baffled as to what exactly is integration, and is it the same as Co-consciousness?

I am co-conscious with some. Some of them not...but to varying degrees.

I find that although at times, I find myself in complete distress over being this way, and sometimes it drives me insane and I feel its driving me up the darn wall, at the same time Im not used to being "alone in my head", Im used to them, I would miss them if I ended up just "Puzzle_" I dont know if I would miss the ones I don't know much about but anyway,
Do we all HAVE to integrate??? Is that the only possible way of healing?

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[WePow]

Healing can happen without integration. Healing means being able to live a whole and healthy life. It means allowing the trauma pain to be known and expressed. It means processing through the past and being able to live a healthy life in the present.

Co-consciousness is not the same as being integrated. But it is a step towards integration. Co-conscious is being aware of your own mind while at the same time being aware of the mind of an alter. This is a state I would encourage anyone with DID to try to work towards. By being aware of what is going on inside with the alter minds, a person can make choices which are healthy.

Being integrated for me feels very different. It almost feels like someone put a bunch of different fruit into a blender and made a smoothie which has one standard flavor. I can still sense the flavors of the alters, but it is all one me.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Puzzle_

I am baffled as to what exactly is integration, and is it the same as Co-consciousness?

I am co-conscious with some. Some of them not...but to varying degrees.

I find that although at times, I find myself in complete distress over being this way, and sometimes it drives me insane and I feel its driving me up the darn wall, at the same time Im not used to being "alone in my head", Im used to them, I would miss them if I ended up just "Puzzle_" I dont know if I would miss the ones I don't know much about but anyway,
Do we all HAVE to integrate??? Is that the only possible way of healing?

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

Co consciousness is

being able to hear your alters voices

being able to know what it going on physically when the alter is in control of the body

being able to know mentally what is going on with the alters when they are in control of the body

being able to know mentally what is going on with the alters when you the host(core) is in control of the body.

being able to communicate with your alters

being able to share the alters memories

being able to share your memories with the alters....

Some people have no co consciousness
some people have only a little bit of co consciousness
some people have alot of co consciousness

Every one has their own internal system and alters have their own ways to be. the usual way people with DID begin to understand their system and how much co consciousness they have is by going to therapy.

once in therapy DID people learn to establish more and more co consciousness with their alters. That said there is a situation where people with DID cannot establish co consciousness. with out it healing can still happen.

integration is when the alters merge back with you to form one whole person again. Sometimes it happens all at once, sometimes it happens one alter at a time, sometimes it happens with more than one at a time.

it is not a painful time physically but it can be quite confusing and emotionally upsetting for the host(core) to go from hearing voices to not hearing voices, from feeling numb to feeling a wide range of emotions, from being able to rely on dissociating and becoming aware after things have been taken care of to having to deal with your problems while fully aware.

no you dont necessarily **have** to integrate, for some it is a choice, that said for others its not a choice its something that just happens as part of the healing journey.

with me there was very little co consciousness. I could hear some voices, but could not communicate with most of the alters, I could not share the emotions, and memories fully until after integration happened to me. for me integration was not a choice. As I healed and was able to take on more and more of my own self care emotionally and physically, deal with my problems the alters that did those jobs for me merged back together with me.

During integration there was no pain, the alters were still with me just in a new way. I no longer switched into being the alters. I knew everything they had held separate from me, I could feel a full range of emotions instead of feeling numb. I felt more whole, less empty, more happy, centered, grounded. Able to do things I hadnt been able to do before because the alters were the ones that learned how to do those things not me, and now the knowledge was with in me.

After Integration it was a bit confusing at times. the Quiet was a bit stressful until I realized that normal people do have internal dialogues with their self and learned to mentally talk things out with my self, instead of expecting it to happen on its own like it used to with the alters talking between each other. I had to learn how to get in touch with myself..

example un integrated I would think about having coffee and the next thing I knew an alter would make the morning coffee. I would become aware sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in ront of me.. Integrated I had to think how do I make the coffee and stay grounded and mentally Talk my way through it, remembering how to make coffee. the memory was there because the alter was merged with me, I just had to find the way to access it like normal people did, by taking it one step at a time. now I make coffee every morning just like normal people do, I dont have to talk my self through the memory of how to do it because its now a habit.

If integration had been a choice for me I would have still done it. I did not like being DID. I didnt like having voices in my head, losing time, having my bosses fire me because I went from an adult to a child sitting at my desk crying because I suddenly didnt know how to do my job, I didnt like waking up in strange towns, locations and not knowing how I got there and how to dget home, having to call the police for help in getting me home again, I didnt like all the worry I put my wife through all those years she and I were dating, living together before I was integrated. I didnt like people looking at me strangely because I would be talking out loud to people they could not see, I did not like becoming aware and finding I was restrained in some ER because I had been prostituting and got busted and turned into a violent alter, I didnt like not knowing what day it was, what time it was, I didnt like being treated as if I was crazy, people not wanting to rent from me because I was unable to take care of the places....some people may see their having all these things happen and more as DID is fun , a gift,...but for me it was nothing but problems 24/7.

on top of that my chosen career was in the mental health field. My opinion is that a therapist cant be any good for their clients if they are having DID problems their self. therapists listen to triggering, upsetting things from their clients..how safe isit for example if one of their clients is telling about a problem they have and suddenly the therapist switches into a violent alter or a crying child alter, or an alter that laughs..while the client is telling about losing their job or being abused... what ever. a therapist cant do their jobs if they are constantly switching into alters because they are triggered by their clients words...

in order to be the best I can be for my clients I had to gain control and remain in control. So one way or the other I would have integrated, either by natural process of healing or through choice.

[MeAndMore]

Puzzle_ i too wondered about this when we gained co consiousness with a T in another state we all communicated but then we moved and lost that and i only communicated with one or two and thought we had integrated until a few days ago realised we hadnt i am afraid of not having the communication but i also want to get better i think either way co conscious or integrated is better than all fragmented and too much lost time but i think i would miss the talking to each other and the comfort we give each other so i dont know what is best or necessary i like amandalouises reply and hope one day to be like that myself

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Co consciousness is

being able to hear your alters voices

being able to know what it going on physically when the alter is in control of the body

being able to know mentally what is going on with the alters when they are in control of the body

being able to know mentally what is going on with the alters when you the host(core) is in control of the body.

being able to communicate with your alters

being able to share the alters memories

being able to share your memories with the alters....

Some people have no co consciousness
some people have only a little bit of co consciousness
some people have alot of co consciousness

Every one has their own internal system and alters have their own ways to be. the usual way people with DID begin to understand their system and how much co consciousness they have is by going to therapy.

once in therapy DID people learn to establish more and more co consciousness with their alters. That said there is a situation where people with DID cannot establish co consciousness. with out it healing can still happen.

integration is when the alters merge back with you to form one whole person again. Sometimes it happens all at once, sometimes it happens one alter at a time, sometimes it happens with more than one at a time.

it is not a painful time physically but it can be quite confusing and emotionally upsetting for the host(core) to go from hearing voices to not hearing voices, from feeling numb to feeling a wide range of emotions, from being able to rely on dissociating and becoming aware after things have been taken care of to having to deal with your problems while fully aware.

no you dont necessarily **have** to integrate, for some it is a choice, that said for others its not a choice its something that just happens as part of the healing journey.

with me there was very little co consciousness. I could hear some voices, but could not communicate with most of the alters, I could not share the emotions, and memories fully until after integration happened to me. for me integration was not a choice. As I healed and was able to take on more and more of my own self care emotionally and physically, deal with my problems the alters that did those jobs for me merged back together with me.

During integration there was no pain, the alters were still with me just in a new way. I no longer switched into being the alters. I knew everything they had held separate from me, I could feel a full range of emotions instead of feeling numb. I felt more whole, less empty, more happy, centered, grounded. Able to do things I hadnt been able to do before because the alters were the ones that learned how to do those things not me, and now the knowledge was with in me.

After Integration it was a bit confusing at times. the Quiet was a bit stressful until I realized that normal people do have internal dialogues with their self and learned to mentally talk things out with my self, instead of expecting it to happen on its own like it used to with the alters talking between each other. I had to learn how to get in touch with myself..

example un integrated I would think about having coffee and the next thing I knew an alter would make the morning coffee. I would become aware sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in ront of me.. Integrated I had to think how do I make the coffee and stay grounded and mentally Talk my way through it, remembering how to make coffee. the memory was there because the alter was merged with me, I just had to find the way to access it like normal people did, by taking it one step at a time. now I make coffee every morning just like normal people do, I dont have to talk my self through the memory of how to do it because its now a habit.

If integration had been a choice for me I would have still done it. I did not like being DID. I didnt like having voices in my head, losing time, having my bosses fire me because I went from an adult to a child sitting at my desk crying because I suddenly didnt know how to do my job, I didnt like waking up in strange towns, locations and not knowing how I got there and how to dget home, having to call the police for help in getting me home again, I didnt like all the worry I put my wife through all those years she and I were dating, living together before I was integrated. I didnt like people looking at me strangely because I would be talking out loud to people they could not see, I did not like becoming aware and finding I was restrained in some ER because I had been prostituting and got busted and turned into a violent alter, I didnt like not knowing what day it was, what time it was, I didnt like being treated as if I was crazy, people not wanting to rent from me because I was unable to take care of the places....some people may see their having all these things happen and more as DID is fun , a gift,...but for me it was nothing but problems 24/7.

on top of that my chosen career was in the mental health field. My opinion is that a therapist cant be any good for their clients if they are having DID problems their self. therapists listen to triggering, upsetting things from their clients..how safe isit for example if one of their clients is telling about a problem they have and suddenly the therapist switches into a violent alter or a crying child alter, or an alter that laughs..while the client is telling about losing their job or being abused... what ever. a therapist cant do their jobs if they are constantly switching into alters because they are triggered by their clients words...

in order to be the best I can be for my clients I had to gain control and remain in control. So one way or the other I would have integrated, either by natural process of healing or through choice.

I have a question that I can not find the answer to. Is it possible to have alters with just one job who only do that one job and don't do other things like eat, drive play? They only do one specific hing like protect the little girls. And at the same time have several other alters who work, drive, eat, communicate with people and can share memories with each other when needed? I have alters that do only one thing and nothing else and become confused when asked about eating, driving, playing etc. I guess am wondering if it is possible for a system to function like that.

[Puzzle_]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I have a question that I can not find the answer to. Is it possible to have alters with just one job who only do that one job and don't do other things like eat, drive play? They only do one specific hing like protect the little girls. And at the same time have several other alters who work, drive, eat, communicate with people and can share memories with each other when needed? I have alters that do only one thing and nothing else and become confused when asked about eating, driving, playing etc. I guess am wondering if it is possible for a system to function like that.

Hmm, well every system is different, I KNOW many times I just simply cannot do certain things but sometimes they are done and very well...but at times I cannot do things to the same caliber, so I suspect, I may have alters that know how to do things specifically, though I am not completely self aware of my system, but I know certain things get done.
I know once I had to do something very adult and important, but went into child mode and just couldnt and it was very incredibly difficult in the end it was poorly almost not done at all.

Im not sure if this answered your question, I can only go on my own experience.

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Puzzle_

I am baffled as to what exactly is integration, and is it the same as Co-consciousness?

I am co-conscious with some. Some of them not...but to varying degrees.

I find that although at times, I find myself in complete distress over being this way, and sometimes it drives me insane and I feel its driving me up the darn wall, at the same time Im not used to being "alone in my head", Im used to them, I would miss them if I ended up just "Puzzle_" I dont know if I would miss the ones I don't know much about but anyway,
Do we all HAVE to integrate??? Is that the only possible way of healing?

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

Puzzle, I don't know if this will be of any help....

To me co-conciousness was like sitting in the backseat mentally while someone else ran the body. I was aware of what was happening, but wasn't in control.

The best analogy I have for integration is a 3D lucite puzzle I have. The pieces all fit together to create a whole object, but each piece is still there. Does that make sense? I was also afraid of lossing pieces of myself. They served me well over the years. They are not gone. If I need to tap into any of them they are they for me to use their skills. Again, I'm not sure that makes sense.

As for do you have to integrate to heal. No, you don't. For me the goal was to be a functional human being. That resulted in integration for me, but that's not the answer for everyone.

[Puzzle_]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Puzzle, I don't know if this will be of any help....

To me co-conciousness was like sitting in the backseat mentally while someone else ran the body. I was aware of what was happening, but wasn't in control.

The best analogy I have for integration is a 3D lucite puzzle I have. The pieces all fit together to create a whole object, but each piece is still there. Does that make sense? I was also afraid of lossing pieces of myself. They served me well over the years. They are not gone. If I need to tap into any of them they are they for me to use their skills. Again, I'm not sure that makes sense.

As for do you have to integrate to heal. No, you don't. For me the goal was to be a functional human being. That resulted in integration for me, but that's not the answer for everyone.

Yes yes, makes sense. I have many times where this happens, where I am somewhere in "the back" and they speak they do they want and act, but I cannot and for whatever am unable to do anything, and I have no control.

Its the strangest thing when it happens Thanks so much for the input

Puzzle_ Puzzle_

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I have a question that I can not find the answer to. Is it possible to have alters with just one job who only do that one job and don't do other things like eat, drive play? They only do one specific hing like protect the little girls. And at the same time have several other alters who work, drive, eat, communicate with people and can share memories with each other when needed? I have alters that do only one thing and nothing else and become confused when asked about eating, driving, playing etc. I guess am wondering if it is possible for a system to function like that.

yes it is possible. I know many DID people who have alters whos purpose/jobs are doing just one thing..I am one of these people who had such a categorical system..

I had many alters that only dealt with one emotion, alters where this one did the dishes, that one made the beds, this one cried, that one laughed, this one took care of the money, that one took care of the shopping, this one went to school that one went to work, this one painted, that one sculpted that one read, this one wrote, this one ...

yes here where I live and work it is believed among the mental health community that a system can function while having such "categorical". some locations call it alters that are distinct/clear cut / noticeable/ specific/ transparent / obvious /definite /...there are many words for it ... the DSM IV TR uses the term "distinct"

With DID alters have their own ways to be.. some are more categorical (or as the DSM IV TR states "distinct" than others.

how does systems with such a categorical (distinct) system function... the switching from alter to alter and from host/core to alters is frequent (the DSM IV R calls it recurring but other words used is repetative/constant/many /A lot/ ...

the switching happens according to "triggers" what one gets frustrated/upset about or cant do another takes over to complete the job.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

yes it is possible. I know many DID people who have alters whos purpose/jobs are doing just one thing..I am one of these people who had such a categorical system..

I had many alters that only dealt with one emotion, alters where this one did the dishes, that one made the beds, this one cried, that one laughed, this one took care of the money, that one took care of the shopping, this one went to school that one went to work, this one painted, that one sculpted that one read, this one wrote, this one ...

yes here where I live and work it is believed among the mental health community that a system can function while having such "categorical". some locations call it alters that are distinct/clear cut / noticeable/ specific/ transparent / obvious /definite /...there are many words for it ... the DSM IV TR uses the term "distinct"

With DID alters have their own ways to be.. some are more categorical (or as the DSM IV TR states "distinct" than others.

how does systems with such a categorical (distinct) system function... the switching from alter to alter and from host/core to alters is frequent (the DSM IV R calls it recurring but other words used is repetative/constant/many /A lot/ ...

the switching happens according to "triggers" what one gets frustrated/upset about or cant do another takes over to complete the job.

Thank you, a lot of what you said I experience. I switch often but it is very subtle. My t says she can tell by my eyes. I have taken great effort so as not to stand out. My alters that have one purpose feel one dimensional. They only know what they are supposed to do and nothing else. I have a protector who's only job is to protect the little girls by not letting them talk about a secret. That is all he knows. If he is asked about eating he becomes confused. He doesn't eat, drive, he only stands between the girls and who ever he thinks is a threat. He is also not too interested in what anyone else does. he is not surprised by the others but he also has no interest. He just stands there. Right now he needs to decide if his job helps us. It may have in the past but now he may need to allow the girls to talk. We are all working on this. Thanks again