[WantingtoHeal]

I have a part who does my job, however that part has been absent for a while now. I'm on medical leave from work, so that's not a bad thing right now. The past few weeks at work, I started noticing that that part wasn't showing up fully and I was hovering more in the distance - if that makes sense.

I have to return to work soon and I fear that this part will not return. I have no control over this and things don't seem to be working out the way they should be right now. I do not have the knowledge needed to do this job.

Parts can be dormant for years from what I am learning from my history.

My fear is that I'm going to return to work clueless and completely lost.

Anyone have experience with parts who just go missing for a while?? When they are really needed?? I think the child and adolescent parts are taking up most of the day. Not sure. Don't think sharing or cooperation is a concept for anyone yet. Maybe once i go into the environment, it will just automatically happen.

WTH

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

I have a part who does my job, however that part has been absent for a while now. I'm on medical leave from work, so that's not a bad thing right now. The past few weeks at work, I started noticing that that part wasn't showing up fully and I was hovering more in the distance - if that makes sense.

I have to return to work soon and I fear that this part will not return. I have no control over this and things don't seem to be working out the way they should be right now. I do not have the knowledge needed to do this job.

Parts can be dormant for years from what I am learning from my history.

My fear is that I'm going to return to work clueless and completely lost.

Anyone have experience with parts who just go missing for a while?? When they are really needed?? I think the child and adolescent parts are taking up most of the day. Not sure. Don't think sharing or cooperation is a concept for anyone yet. Maybe once i go into the environment, it will just automatically happen.

WTH

with me my internal system was one where each alter had their own way to be. if I was unable to do something they would automatically do what was needed..there were many alters that had jobs in which I was not skilled in... example I had one part that took high school shop, and after we graduated that part of me worked in a repair shop. when there came a time when that alter no longer wanted to do the work in the repair shop I had no choice but to put in my termination papers stating I was needed at home at the moment and could no longer work there.. just as fast as I did that I found out the alter that had been the one working in the repair shop had gained another job in the woodworking field. ... for me it was just a normal thing to be going from one job to another as the alters saw fit.. I had no control over what they did, where they went, what jobs they obtained.. many times I discovered I had more than one job at one time.. that was quite interesting I was a freshman in college, with alters that were babysitters, maids, temp secretaries,.. and my alters had their own bank accounts to match their respective employments outside the home.. how did we manage it.. Heck I dont know I guess the same way we managed doing the housework.. everyone had their own way to be their own jobs/purpose for being and they did that all without my knowledge or help because I had no way of communicating with them, no way to control who comes out when and no way to control what they did.. sometimes I ask my therapist how did we manage before it seems like I have a harder time now keeping up with everything than I did before integration... she told me its typical for people with DID to be able to micromanage/ multitask and keep things going the way its supposed to.. thats what my internal system was for right... to do the things I could not do for myself.

you may have to quit jobs along the way and let your alters deal with the consequences of taking sudden vacations from their jobs just like many other DID people I know that end up in job situations where they have no idea how to do their jobs...one thing i found out is that its better looking on a resume and references if you quit jobs you are not qualified to do vs getting fired for not doing the jobs up to par..when ever I was asked why I quit working somewhere I just said my family needed me and I was looking for a better paying job anyway.

sometimes I just didnt bother worrying about it. the way I saw it was before I was diagnosed things worked their self out somehow without me even knowing the alters were taking jobs outside the home.. so after diagnosis they would work out too.

besides what other choice is there - quit, get fired or trust your system got you this far they will get through this too.

[WantingtoHeal]

Thanks Amandalouise

I guess they have gotten me this far. Didn't think about that. Just always feels like things are on the edge of falling apart.

Thanks for your response.

I'm kinda scared of you.

Do you have children? Just curious.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Thanks Amandalouise

I guess they have gotten me this far. Didn't think about that. Just always feels like things are on the edge of falling apart.

Thanks for your response.

I'm kinda scared of you.

Do you have children? Just curious.

No I dont have children but my wife and I have been discussing one of us getting pregnant soon. (we are both women and have experience with children in our personal lives and through our work in the mental health field. We both would love one or more of our own. we have the male donor and are in the process of co ordinating our reproductive systems now. with luck in a yr there will be one a child or two.

I understand. it is scary for some people to encounter mental health providers with their own problems on the internet..

here on Psych central I am just one of the members who have gone through the same things as other members here have. Im not here to "shrink" anyones heads.. lol

maybe if I tell you a bit about myself that will help - just like others here I have mental disorders - seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, an eating disorder and dissociative disorders including a past diagnosis of DID (past meaning all my alters have been integrated.. I also have physical problems that are in the diagnostic process - physical numbness, muscle weakness, spikes in pain... my treatment providers are looking at Parkinson disease and Multiple Schlorosis (which is another reason besides loving children that my wife and I are now planning our family of children.. so that we can have them while my body can still handle pregnancy and child birth.). I just went through the biopsys so we should know soon which of the physical health problems it is, then we can proceed with the plans for our family.

I dont know if anyone has told you yet but you have control over things like what to do when a post or poster scares you, or makes you have problems.. its a button in the profiles.. anytime you feel scared or just dont want to read what a poster writes you can click on their name, then in their profiles click on User info. in there you will see the ignore button. you push that and you wont see the offending posts by that person that scared you. just one of the ways psych central has so that all us members can take care of our selves here. pretty cool site this place is.

[WantingtoHeal]

Oh wow, that will be wonderful to have kids! I hope all works out for the two of you. It sounds exciting.

I hope that you don't have Parkinson's or MS. I'm sorry you have been through so much.

Do you find yourself getting triggered at all since you work in the mental health field? I have a degree in counseling and psychology but just can not work in the field at all. There was a separate part that did all of the counseling. I especially can not work with children.

Thanks for telling me about the button in the profiles. I didn't know about it.

WTH

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Oh wow, that will be wonderful to have kids! I hope all works out for the two of you. It sounds exciting.

I hope that you don't have Parkinson's or MS. I'm sorry you have been through so much.

Do you find yourself getting triggered at all since you work in the mental health field? I have a degree in counseling and psychology but just can not work in the field at all. There was a separate part that did all of the counseling. I especially can not work with children.

Thanks for telling me about the button in the profiles. I didn't know about it.

WTH

thanks. my treatment providers have done enough tests now to know that I definately have one or the other. the deciding factor between the two was a biposy, Which I had completed a few days ago. we will know which one it is soon.

No I dont get triggered when working with children or adults in my work..I learned in childhood how to separate my feelings/emotions from the task at hand so I have that natural and normal dissociative ability, and as an adult my training to be a therapist also taught me how to set aside my own feelings/ emotions and focus on the task at hand - the clients needs..

Plus all my parts are integrated with me now, including those that would get jobs and suddenly decide they didnt want to work anymore. I know what they knew about how to handle my life in stressful, triggering situations, and what needs to be done when in the job force.

[Bmee2]

amandadouise,
so very sad. we read how you do things and how can we be so lost still? Not compare to you. Is this the better we are striving for?
we are going to lose this battle if that is the case.
Help you cannot provide. This is clear.
No more questions.
Breathe.....Breathe....Breathe...we will.

[(JD)]

(((Wantingtoheal))) I wouldn't think that you need to worry about your worker part showing up for work. The main difference, from what I can glean from your post, is that now you are more aware of when your worker part is in control or not. More awareness and communication is a good thing, if you can refrain from worrying. I'm pretty sure that your parts will continue to do their respective "jobs" as you become more and more aware of each other.