This may trigger some people

I am always around kids, my neighborhood is loaded with them, and I have a six year old niece, who I am with a lot.

It always makes me feel so uncomfortable when one of the little kids wants to hold my hand or sit in my lap or if my niece crawls all over me. She's really clingy physically and it makes me panic at times.

I think it's because most of my childhood I was taught that physical touch between a child and adult meant sexual. I don't know.

Or more so that most of my childhood I was used sexually, and I blame myself, as a child. I blame six year old Lydia. That I was seductive, or wanted it. So I think that other children are capable of sexual feelings and I hate sex. I don't let adults touch me for that reason. It all grosses me out. The whole intimacy thing. Kids have fewer boundaries when it comes to cuddling up to adults then adults have. I feel like every time a kid touches me they're being perverted. I guess because to me touches have always been perverted.

And even though logically I know that's not true. It crosses my mind every time and I just become very cold and distant.

Does this make any sense? Does this happen to other people?

[GypsyRosalie]

I understand what you mean. I never liked kids babysat to hold my hand or sit in my lap because it was "wrong".

Rosalie

we dont feel that way and it never feels perverted but we also arent that fond of kids either. the only child we allow to be close to us is cores 8yo son who knows who we are and loves us anyway.

[Roseheart101]

When I had my own kids, I made a point to hold them a lot when they were babies. I liked to do this as it was almost like rocking myself to sleep. But with the grandkids it is entirely different. I don't know why either. I do not like to babysit them, so I don't. The one time I did I was looking at the clock the entire time waiting and waiting for the parents to get home.

I like to play with them, but no not touch them. And for kids not in my family I can't even relate. I am glad there are other people that can do it, but not me.