[amandalouise]

I was taking part in another thread here called busted.. then I noticed that what I and such as life were discussing was not on the topic of that thread.. I didnt want to leave anyone hanging but I also did not want to trigger anyone by discussing integration issues in a thread about facial recognition of those in our lives...

So as not to confuse everyone here's the post Im replying to..

Originally Posted by amandalouise

with my integration the opposite happened. everything that was my alters became one with me /merged with me, which means I gained the urge to harm myself when those programmed alters integrated with me. I became much more violent where before integration it was just thoughts, after integration thoughts became actions. I still battle that war of self injury. I am at this moment stable and safe.

Originally Posted by such is life...

hmmmmm....That's weird that you wanted to self harm after integration. When Viki the slasher was intergrated she told the host that she was sorry and that it was her job to cut the body..then she was integrated. Viki was relieved of the job that she was given by the programing for her to do.I have a tx. with 20 years experience with d.i.d and satanic ritual abuse..SRA How are you doing?

some background...we were discussing how our alters had been programmed to self injure and our experiences with integrating those self injury motivated alters.

it was at this point in the thread I realized we were off topic and could be triggering others who wanted to talk about what the thread busted was originally intended for..

I know for some here integration and post integration issues are triggering so I suggested we either take this issue to pm or to another thread.

like I said I didnt want to leave anyone hanging in the wind on this issue so Im starting a new thread for those of us that want to discuss our integration / post integration issues....

that said...

Yes I know to some the way my alters integrated may be weird.. but everyone's system of alters is set up to begin with how ever they needed it to be in order to survive. that means everyone's internal system of alters is different... so why should integrating and post integration issues be the same as everyone else's.. its not going to be...

examples some peoples internal systems are animalistic...so their integration process would follow a natural, animalistic themed way

some peoples internal systems are based on book characters...So I would not be surprised to find their integration process will follow suit with the same themes in which their alters are known as..

some peoples internal systems of alters follows the Indian/native american way so not surprisingly their integration process would follow their indain/native american cultural way.

the same with Chinese, Japanese, American, hindu.....Everyones internal system of alters is made up of their own individual culture, heritage, emotions, feelings events, memories...

So everyone's integration of their alters , and after integration issues is/are going to be the same as their alters and may not always replicate each PC members integration process.

the way my alters integrated.. they merged with me to become one whole person.. for me that meant everything they were...their memories, their emotions, their way of being, their actions...all became part of me and my memories, my emotions, my way of being and things that I do...

when an alter that smoked was integrated.. I had the urge/craving to smoke.
when an alter that held the memory of being called names integrated, I remembered being called names, I felt her feelings of being dirty and disgusting...

when the self injury alters were integrated I had those memories, those feelings and urges/cravings and actions to self injure when ever I was in a situation where I was telling someone what happened to me.

for me... integration did not stop what the alters were and how they were, how they thought, what they remembered, what they did... it all, they all became part of me.