I met my new neighbor today. A girl I graduated with. She has two young daughters and she mentioned how crappy of a boyfriend she has currently and how crappy her kid's father is. But she's sweet. Very sweet. It makes me question how I, someone who has been tortured for most of their childhood by men, didn't turn out like her. Messing with men who are just like that. I have always questioned that. Why didn't I turn out on drugs, a prostitute? How I didn't end up 15 and pregnant, a runaway. I mean those problems can certainly cause outcomes like this.

And then I realized the one difference. I have parts. My mind was creative and intelligent enough. My age was correct enough. To make parts that protect me from the ugly things I've seen in my lifetime. I have protectors. Who parent me when I had no parents. I had protectors who told me when men were trouble. I've had protectors pick and choose friends, and even when I can't speak up for myself, they speak up for me. If I didn't have protectors I would highly doubt I would be where I am. I could be a prostitute. In the hands of an abusive man. I could be on drugs, an alcoholic. I don't hate my system. How could I possibly hate them? They've kept me alive and stable. I hate what happened to me. But I don't hate them. They have spent most of life protecting me. Keeping me out of harms way. Even if sometimes they do weird stuff or cause me to feel a little and and and all of these also...

yup.

if you think about it..did is brilliant...it shows how smart we are..because we should be dead...but our minds found a way to keep us all alive & thrive...to protect us & keep us going until we are strong enough to handle things, like the truth & understand it.

i don't look on did as a curse...it's a blessing...because without it..who knows?

it shows me that i am strong..& creative, adaptive..& able to handle the worst that anyone can throw at me. i can survive.

sure it gets in the way..& now maybe it doesn't work so good now that i am in a safer calmer place but hate it? no.

honestly my system helped me thrive in my job..i can multi-task thru a crisis like no one else. people used to be amazed how i could handle things. plop me down in the middle of a hostage situation & i am "on" no problem, lost kid..got it...i could handle things 4 or 5 at once...& i loved it...wouldn't even break a sweat.

i would have preferred growing up without the abuse & hell if given a choice but my peeps & i well we are good together. now a few have dropped by the wayside...& that's ok too...we are good now...there's about maybe 3-4..ideally it will stay at about 3 & that's good. i have no desire to morph into 1.

nope..like i said..i am happy with my peeps. .i don't share about my peeps with others in real life..the few times i did it weirded people out..which is a shame. changed the relationship..so i keep things quiet. but i am happy with them..i owe them much.

[MeAndMore]

wow, i never thought of this as a "blessing" but the way ya'll have written the above makes me see how it probably saved me from so much. i'm gonna have to mull this thought over more. thank you.

[MeAndMore]

I've been thinking about this since ya'll posted what you did and I have to say it has helped elevate my mood a bit - I kinda like the idea of not hating my situation (did) like I have been doing, but accepting it as something that has saved me from who knows what all these years. It has really put things in perspective for me this week and I just wanted to say, "Thank You" for your posts.

Originally Posted by MeAndMore

I've been thinking about this since ya'll posted what you did and I have to say it has helped elevate my mood a bit - I kinda like the idea of not hating my situation (did) like I have been doing, but accepting it as something that has saved me from who knows what all these years. It has really put things in perspective for me this week and I just wanted to say, "Thank You" for your posts.

You're welcome. It really changes perspective when you start to see it as a blessing, versus a curse. I mean no other mental illness can possibly say "I formed to protect you".

[Jackapuss's Mama]

Lydia B--

Thanks so much for the perspective. I was always amazed that I didn't become an alcoholic/drug addict/promiscuous, etc. I can thank my others.

[anderson]

We so needed this! Yet so true! can we quate u on this!

Originally Posted by LydiaB

You're welcome. It really changes perspective when you start to see it as a blessing, versus a curse. I mean no other mental illness can possibly say "I formed to protect you".

[anderson]

we just thought we would add that all of my good T's told us when we can look at those within with greatude, that is when true healing begins!

[such is life...]

[quote=LydiaB;2278931]I met my new neighbor today. A girl I graduated with. She has two young daughters and she mentioned how crappy of a boyfriend she has currently and how crappy her kid's father is. But she's sweet. Very sweet. It makes me question how I, someone who has been tortured for most of their childhood by men, didn't turn out like her. Messing with men who are just like that. I have always questioned that. Why didn't I turn out on drugs, a prostitute? How I didn't end up 15 and pregnant, a runaway. I mean those problems can certainly cause outcomes like this.

And then I realized the one difference. I have parts. My mind was creative and intelligent enough. My age was correct enough. To make parts that protect me from the ugly things I've seen in my lifetime. I have protectors. Who parent me when I had no parents. I had protectors who told me when men were trouble. I've had protectors pick and choose friends, and even when I can't speak up for myself, they speak up for me. If I didn't have protectors I would highly doubt I would be where I am. I could be a prostitute. In the hands of an abusive man. I could be on drugs, an alcoholic. I don't hate my system. How could I possibly hate them? They've kept me alive and stable. I hate what happened to me. But I don't hate them. They have spent most of life protecting me. Keeping me out of harms way. Even if sometimes they do weird stuff or cause me to feel a little and and and all of these also... ((((( LydiaB)))))) I would have to say "my People" are the most. My protectors do a great job at keeping us safe. Then there are the ones who go to work for me, the ones who help keep track of time, who remember to pay the bills on time..People that do not have d.i.d take living and life for granted. The human mind and spirit are amazing strong at adapting.....we were hurt really, really bad so that's why we have a System...for coping and surviving. If we were a crack ***** on top of all this ....things would be that much harder....but you know ...with what happened to us it's a wonder we aren't hookers ! Thanks too" all my people" you guys do an excellent job. I could never hate my System!