Bringing it all together

It's awesome...just awesome. It's been difficult, strange, amazing, thrilling, horrifying, and alot of other things. But, overall, it's been an amazing ride with an awesome outcome.

Some might call it integration. Personally, I don't understand that word. I call it "owning" my life. There was alot I didn't own before...some of it I was aware of, but alot of it I wasn't. It's all now mine. I own it all.

I have so much time during my days...time I've never experienced. So much is good, yet uncomfortable. I do feel that I'll adjust just fine.

Strange...once again I have to get used to my life. This time I'm kinda looking forward to it.

The traumas, emotions, thoughts and feelings that were compartmentalized and put away from me are now my own...all of me present and existing at one time. To be able to draw on so many aspects at the same time is awesome!!! For instance, if triggered by my mom before, that's all I could see or feel, and could dissociate. Now, I feel the trigger, but am able to remind myself of today and mom's illnesses, my status as an adult, I don't have to take it, etc....all those things at one time!

I'm not dealing so much inside myself that I now have time to "relax"...so much more productive. Being able to be totally present to experience life and my little man is a constant "shock" to me.

I've hesitated in writing this for a couple of reasons, but they both had to do with me. I'm still a little uncomfortable, hesitant and concerned if this is "the real deal" in holding all of me...together and at one time.

What an AMAZING ride...

Much love and respect,

KD

KD it warms my heart to hear this news.....you take good care.. I hope to one day find that special place....
Lilith

So glad for you, KD.

It sure is (((((((((((KimmyDawn))))))))))) It amazes me every day the great things things I missed out on by dissociating my days away.

I take a friends kids to the park and instead of spending time in my imagination of feeling like being on a swing I can actually stay aware and get on a real world swing and experience of the aspects and the joys of swinging that in my imagination I could not possibly experience.

Instead of letting someones voice in the distance upset me into dissociating I can say "ok that reminds me of bla bla bla and that was a long time ago and look at me now sitting here enjoying watching the ducks eat the food I brought them and playing my guitar which before I could only do when I was acting out the memory of my playing a guitar years ago, I can feel t he strings and hear the indiviual notes when I play the melody instead of the chords" Having integrated memories is great. I can do so much more now. I like the word "integrated" now that I understand it. But I didn't years ago.

So happy for you ((((((((((((KimmyDawn)))))))))))))

you have a beautiful soul (((((((((((((((((((((KD))))))))))))))))

Good job ))))))) ) ) kd (((((( ( ( !!!!!

Thank you so much everyone. There is loss as well. Eyes have leaked alot...

It's day by day, and every moment of every day is new in the realm that I've been able to be in the place where I can experience the moment IN the moment for the most part.

Much love,

kd

(((((((((((((((( Kimmydawn )))))))))))))))))))

That's so excellent

Thank you again.

I so respect what this mind has done for me, and still does. The more I learn, the more I know how parts of this mind worked in amazing ways.

Sure life can be confusing, but I have to say...what a blessing for the most part...this thing called DID.

KD

((((((((((( Kimmy )))))))))))))

Your joy brings me joy.

Hugs,

Jan

Kittie

I close my eyes and wonder what it will be like and I see wildflowers swaying in the wind, warmed by the sunshine.

Thank you for sharing this marvelous experience with us!

Hugs,
SongBird