[LouR]

All week my husband and I have been having communication issues and I have been forgetting stuff and I feel as though I'm walking through a vast barren wasteland of nothingness...
Last night after a busy shift at work, I came home and I tried to relax with my kids, because I like how my kids crowd me when I get home they all want hugs and little words of encouragement its a ritual after work for me to do this with them however while I'm trying to enjoy my kids company mother dearest is calling out from the kitcchen how do I make thai green curry and just basically being a dumb ***, I did say to her the recipe is ion the cook book but I couldn't trust her to do it, and she just kept on nagging me. So I got hubby to spend time with the kids and I went into the kitchen and saw that she had vegetables ev erywhere and ingredients not in the recipe so I started organising everything and she went and sat down like the queen she thinks she is and watched me do it. She did not once get up and attend to the kids when they were crying or screaming out for me or offer any help, she just watched me struggle.
Dinner was made then she went down to the shops and bought her fags without offering if anyone wanted something.
So I mowed the lawn after the kids went to bed to prepare for the party the next day to prevent any outbursts from her because she expects me to think for her ...
Needless to say I went to bed late, I got woken up 5 hours later to her yelling at my children saying horrible things which triggered me. The kids actually came into the bedroom to get myself and my hubby out of bed thats how bad she was being.
I got out of bed and before I could stop myself I said "I'm sure sleep deprivation is what the nazi's did in those POW camps to keep people mentally unhinged" (I remember thinking, I think it was me, the best way to screw her over is to say this is because we have german heritage and I knew it would gert a reaction)
She said to "what did you say?"
And I repeated again I couldn't stop myself.
Then she asked about a balloon pump I said we don't have one...Therefore I got her balloons and started blowing them up and I did it in the order of a colour wheel so I could ignore her whilst I did it. I can't remember blowing them all up but I know I did it because I had blown up 73 balloons in an hour...
Then she went shopping with my husband to buy stuff for her party tonight
While she was gone I relaxed the kids were playing I locked the door where the balloons were so that the kids wouldn't play or bust them for the party and left them to it in the backyard while I had morning tea and paid bills whilst watching the kids play. My children are all different but they were occupied really well with their chosen activities until....
She came home in a tear rushing about and slamming things around not accepting help from me. My hubby was marinating meat, I moved stuff around in the fridge to make room for the food for the party...Okay another compunction hit me again
I said "why don't people eat the left overs so I don't have to do this?"
With that she grabbed a meal that she had made for me and gave it to the dog. (she made the meal for me when I was on an arvo shift perfectly knowing that I don't eat when I come home from my shift, so the meal stayed in the fridge for 3 days she says she doesn't remember me saying thank you for the meal but would she mind eating it for lunch the next day so it wouldn't go to waste)
Afterall that I made lunch for everyone. And she sat nthere like a petulant child eating it.
At the moment I'm typing this so I can remember stuff the party is not for another 4 hours in that time I have to go see T.
I have put the twins down for their nap and my eldest is happy watching a disney movie hopefully when I get back my kids will be happy because if not I'm going to get stressed and then I think the ep I like to call "Princess *****face" is gonna come out of me, my T and I believe that that alter is a BPD just like Mommie dearest and I'm scared ABOUT WHATS GONNA HAPPEN!
I don't want to be mean to her but I feel as though Mommie dearest is just pushing me like a typical BPD does when their stressed...I can see it, I have insight into it and unfortunately I don't think I'm gonna win this round at the moment I'm feeling depressed. I think generally when I get on here I'm either depressed, insightful and helpful or compassionate.
I'll keep you updated...
Interestingly enough I don't remember doing this but on my FB page I found that an hour ago I uploaded a photo that states "If karma doesn't hit you soon I ****ing will" thats why I'm worried about tonight.