Feel like I keep flitting in and out, others keep doing the same. I can't even finish an email to people I trust without one of them putting their two cents in. At the same time I feel like, are they real? What is real? I'm so confused. Hoping some of this is due to forgetting meds this morning and so it will be better tomorrow. It's so disorientating. I just want to sleep it all away, so I think that's what I will do. Take a sleepign tablet and sleep till it all goes quiet inside and outside my head.

[LILITH]

Just be careful..... I have been switching a lot in and out too.... I have no clue what to do..
Lilith

[allthegirls6]

Sounds like it might be meds. Not a good way to feel caroline, please be careful

atg

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Uugghhh, Caroline. It is so confusing and makes me wonder sometimes why we do it?

Songbird

[January]

(((((((( Caroline ))))))))))

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with forgetting your medicine. I hope tomorrow is a much, much better day for you.

Hugs,

Jan

I kind of think of my memory pieces kind of like a vidio tape of an event of my life - It was real when it happened and got vidio taped and sored in my brain with my physical vidio cameras eyes ears nose throat touch and feelings so it is real now in the present when my body is acting out those pieces of memories.

Memorys are real so memory pieces are real. The trick is to use grounding skills and you will be ok. When I am sending emails and start feeling dissocaited I stop what I am doing and find something else to do like take a bath, watch a movie or tv show that relaxes me, and so on.

Hang in there it does get better. Take care.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Caroline,
I have to go to work now but we'll talk later. Hope you're doing okay today!

Hugs,
Songbird

Hi Lilith

Thanks for the response. Sorry you have been switching a lot. It was weird yesterday. I was careful, and I think taking myself to bed early was the best thing. Things seem a lot clearer today.

((((atg))))

Good to see you here again. You've been missed.

I'm sure meds had a lot to do with it. I'm usually really good about remembering to take them, but not yesterday. Will talk to my T about it on Friday if I rememeber.
Thanks!

Hi Songbird
Thanks for replying. Yes, it is so confusing. I don't know why it happened - I can only think it was forgetting my meds in the morning.

Thank you Jan. I hope so too. I feel better grounded today.

Thank you myself. My problem is remembering to use the grounding skills when I am in the memory, especially when I am on my own. Most of my littles don't seem to access those ideas about grounding.

[January]

Maybe you can tell them about the grounding or leave them a note explaining it?

Hugs,

Jan

I know. When I am right in the piece of memory I don't either. Since its a piece of memory I can only act out (do) what is contained in that piece of memory. I found out there is no way of changing that but if I pay attention to my triggers I can calm myself down before I dissociate completely into my mental safe place called la la land.

For example

When I am doing my grocery shopping. Tthe crowdedness of all the other customers makes me feel trapped or boxed.

I start dissociating - floating (feeling far away and kind of like a medication hang over feeling of slow motion and slightly dizzy, floor tilting kind of thing)

If I dont ground myself I end up Switching" - floating off completely into la la land and then physically I act out what ever piece of memory has whatever the information is about my being closed in, cant get out type of situation.

So instead of "switching" I pay close attention to how I am feeling. When the dissociating starts right away I stop what I am doing. I Look around and see if I can see what is upsetting me or making me feel trapped and boxed it.

Then I take care of the triggering situation by using grounding techniques - telling myself that I am ok, that the person down the isle is not my abuse, that I am not trapped, I can leave anytime I want to, Sometimes that means I have to go into a different grocery isle, Make a trip to the bathroom so that I can go into a stall and have some quiet time to myself so that I can write down in my notebook what is going on and how I am feeling, Sometimes taking care of t he trigger means locating a friend that works in the store, and sometimes it means that I have to leave the store and do my shopping some other time when the store is not so crowded.

By doing these things I don't reach the point where I have "switched" into acting out a piece of memory.

It wasn't easy to retrain my thinking into taking care of myself BEFORE I reach that point. I was dissociating for years so it may take years for me to gain complete control of my dissociating. My therapist at that time - SKR - had to help me learn how to do it by enforcing grounding techniques during therapy time which is basic beginning therapy for DID and is one of the first things that therapists work with their dissociative clients on during therapy sessions.

Talk with your therapist. If your therapist knows you are DID or have dissociative features, that therapist will begin to teach you grounding techniques and will expect you to use them during therapy time that way it becomes habit so that outside of therapy sessions when you encounter a trigger you will automatically use them, which leads to a better funtioning life for you.

Thank you, myself (again!)

What you say makes sense, and yes, my T has discussed with me what are the triggers to me dissociating. It has only happened once in a session (though he did already know I had DID traits) so I guess it is early days yet. But we have talked about how I can keep myself in the here and now, and when he realises I am dissociating he is able to call me out of it by saying my name - that is enough.
Your description of the feelings when you start dissociating are similar to my own. I start feeling spaced out. I need to work hard at recognising what is going on and taking steps to deal with it. Because otherwise I do what you describe and floating off, being somewhen else and talking in that memory, ssaying how I felt then etc. We have talked a bit about the triggers - for me at the moment those are unclear largely, but talking about the incidents with the priest seemed to set it off in that T session, and feeling very upset is another trigger. There are people who remind me of my parents and that is another trigger.

We have talked about grounding techniques too - using my grounding stone, not focusing on blank walls but on somethign which is changing. All of that is still new but I see how I have developed strategies which enable my dissociation. Now I need to retrain them. I've been switching a lot (briefly) the last few days so this si something we need to discuss.
Thanks

Hang in there it will come in time. Here's something that I do that may help:

Dissociation Chart

Date___________ Time___________

First thing noticed (Activities feelings thoughts I am
having right after dissociating - when I notice I am
doing something different then what I thought I was doing)
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________

Last thing remembered (activities, feelings thoughts
that I had before dissociating or losing time)

_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________

Approximate amount of time lost ______________

After care:

Trigger___________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________

What can I do next time I encounter this trigger?
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________

THanks January
I may try that.
Tonight I just feel really scared by all this. I have felt so out of control this weekend. And I'm worried about the implications of my depression for the job I am applying for. I'm scared it is all going to go against me.

Thanks for this too myself.
I wish I didn't feel so scared right now. I've been floaty so much the last couple of days.