A question about limits

I have been having a difficult time with some of my angry parts when we are in session. I don't know how to move back and give them time to talk because, I am afraid they will be verbally aggressive which might lead to being physically aggressive. I am trying to figure out if it is possible for me to talk while angry and not explode. My question is Who sets the limits? When I set the limits they do not feel free to say what they want. Is there a way for my therapist to set the limits and I see if everyone agrees to them?
I guess what I am asking is, Is it better for my t to set the limits in session or is it more important for me to set the limits? I am not sure if this makes sense but if you have a response please write.

Hi, ((((Clarity)))) I think it is important to share your concerns with your T and then ask for clarification re boundaries so you are able to feel safe and secure to express yourself.

Perhaps once everything is out in the open and you have clarity it will help with speaking and expressing yourself.

Also you will be helping your T when you share so you can set yourself up for success.

Rose

lol (laughing at the topic and how it fits me not at you)

with me there was me and then there was each alter doing what ever they were created to do, what ever their purpose/job/reason for being was.

there was no one setting limits, no one telling each other what can and cant happen.

yes some peoples internal systems are such that can accept/work on the level of having limits/ setting limits and accepting therapists limits/boundaries.

here where I live and work all treatment providers have their limits/rules/expectations

example some mental health agencies/therapists have rules/boundaries/ limits on how and whether touching/hugging/hand holding happens in their sessions. some say you need to be on time or call when you are either going to be late or not coming in, some dont allow comfort foods, comfort toys/blankies....

each treatment provider and agency here where I live and work is different, most usually go according to each clients needs/wants/goals/ reason for being in treatment. some need more structure and others need more flexibility and others are somewhere in between.

Thanks, I have asked about bounders during session when my angry parts come out but I didn't get anything I could internalize. My t has worked with a lot of children with DID but I am not sure she has a lot of experience with adults. I will mention it again. And I will express my concerns. I don't want her to stop seeing me because I might get angry. But more importantly I don't want to wake up having done something unpleasant. I am most times co-conscious even if I can only listen and watch. In the past if I got really angry I did not get to stay. I am not sure that would happen now because I am aware of my DID. So I am aware of the others. But the uncertainty makes me feel uneasy.

Feeing/"being" and thinking are all inside and only coming from you. Whatever the feelings and thoughts are, they just "are" they are not right or wrong, good or bad, and they cannot be controlled because they are coming up from your unconscious or pre-conscious and you can't "get" to them to control them fast enough. But they are good things! They let you know what is going on with you, what you are thinking and feeling. However, there is an "about" that is necessary. You feel about, you think about a subject, item, interaction (with self or others; coming up from inside you or having happened outside you).

Talking and "exploding" are actions. First you want to get hold of what your thoughts and feelings are and put them into words in your head and only then do you decide, what action to take. Actions are usually decisions, unless you have an impulse control or neurological debility such as Tourette Syndrome. But everyone has to learn how to get thoughts and feelings understood inside before taking action (and to learn to take action, just just stew in one's thoughts and feelings!) and what sorts of actions are helpful to take.

I would not worry about exploding, especially if you or your parts have never physically exploded and hurt anyone? I think if the angry parts wanted to literally hurt someone, they would have done that by now. If you have been able to keep them from doing that or they have not wanted to go that far, have only thought about it and expressed it (I use to very much want to smash my fist down my stepmother's throat, but would never do that and never did) I would let go some and let them tell T how they feel, what they are thinking, who they are.

Pay attention to them! Listen to them and take them seriously. When we are listened to without censure, criticism, an angry response, we learn to listen back and get out what is troubling us so it is not so pent up anymore. An angry person/part notices when they are listened to and taken seriously. Too, when I'm angry and listened to I often find myself agreed with, that I have "reason" to be angry. That is calming, being heard and understood. A lot of anger and its "angry" expression is about that, trying to be heard. Sometimes we learn bad habits and take out our having not been heard in the past on a current person that does not apply in "this" situation; that's violence. Someone smashing their fist through a wall, putting physical expression to their thoughts and feelings is just showing they do not accept their anger, do not understand its purpose and maybe feel hopeless about ever being heard.

T will listen and I think even your angry parts will recognize that?

I will think over what you have said. I have smashed my hand through walls, doors, and what ever else is around. My feelings of anger always begin with thoughts of violence. Punching, smashing over powering who ever set these feelings into motion. When I have exploded in the past I physically attacked the person that I felt threatened by. It is like one minute I am processing the feelings and the next second I am beating the hell out of someone. It has been a long time since I was in a physical altercation but the feelings are the same. I guess I am saying that I don't fully trust myself to step in and keep me form exploding. What I usually do to prevent from actually pushing someone or punching someone, is stop talking. Because the more I talk the more I feel like I am losing control. I have an alter who exerts some control over my actions when I am feeling angry. But there is a rage part who doesn't have a dialogue. He will ask me if things are alright when he thinks we are in danger. And when I say yes he steps back. But some of my angry parts may not say things are ok. Than what? My rage is the one who engages. I might be over thinking this. We are not all familiar with therapy. This I just found out recently. I don't think I know enough about my angry parts to know how far they can go. I do know I don't want to end up in a hospital. And I think that I can use that as a reason for limiting my behavior. My angry parts definitely don't want to go into a hospital. This has given me something more to think about. I will discuss this with my t. Thanks