[Fuzzybear]

if you did something that was very irritating to others, like "passive aggressive" behaviour..... so that you could modify your behaviour? Or at least so you had the CHOICE whether to continue with that behaviour and let others deal with their annoyance (and probably ignore you)...... OR modify your behaviour?

Or would you just want people to say "it is ok sweetie, you are so special"

Could it be that those who you dislike because of their honesty in fact have your best interests at heart and decided to say how they felt rather than simply ignoring you?

This is a general post based on my observations on various boards and is not directed at anyone here.

[Monty_girl]

For me, just personally, if it was a post, I would rather have someone be honest but only in a PM. If someone is honest to me in a public post I would feel like I was being punished. And if I feel as thou I'm being punished I get defensive. Just goes back to my past abuse issues.

But I also think it has to be supportive honestly. I question ppls motives a lot if they are being nice. Trust issue thing. Hard but good question.

Monty

[allthegirls6]

I would always rather know. It sorta defeats the purpose of we offer support but not practical/honest support

atg

[January]

I would rather know, but only in a nice, kind pm from a friend. We have all been hurt and rejected too much to have someone hurt us even more.

(((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

[SeptemberMorn]

I would definitely want to know so I could change my behavior.

100% agreement with AllTheGirls!

[kimmydawn]

I would want to know. The thing is, I would want someone to tell me in the same way that I would them...respectfully and kindly...with tact and the clear intent to help and not criticise.

Love,

KD

In general I dont think anyone here has a problem letting people know what they think of each other.

I have noticed when others have trying pming people and saying they don't llike the person or don't like what they posted here it turns into a fight.

So maybe its better if people who have a problem with a post or thread or a person the best options are - instead of pming someone and telling them you don't like them, don't agree with them bla bla bla, pm a moderator or administrator because that is what their job is. They look at the offending behavior and posts and threads and remove those that go against the rulse of the site. If the moderators and administrators find nothing wrong then the person who did not agree or does not like that person can either continue subjecting themselves to that person or they can choose to ignore that person.

Me personally I have been told on the boards and by way of pm and on my blog that people like me, don't like me, and don't agree with me, and agree with me.

I accept everyones point of view and feelings because that is their point of view and feelings. They have a right to post and pm whatever they want just like I have a right to post and pm whatever I want from my experiences and knowledge.

I also know by way of being in many therapy and support groups online and in real life, and by way of my blog that there are people that thrive on chaos. They subject themselves to people they don't like and posts and threads that they already know they do not agree with or already know the information in the posts threads and entries are going to upset (trigger) them. Instead of using common sense of staying away from those threads posts and blog entries they complain and reply in such a way that they expect others to cater to them and change so that no one is posting or blogging anything that they don't like or anything that upsets them. I consider this type of person a manipulative abuser. They will continue to harrass people with claims that the posting or writing person is lying, is emotionally disturbed, is emotionally abusing them, is triggering them,and so on when in actuality they are causing their own pain by continuing with their own behavior.

Bottom line -

it is everyones own responsibily to take care of themselves.

No one in any therapy or support group be it on line or in real life is a babysitter, caretaker for anyone except themselves.

If a person does not like a post, thread, or blog entry the rules of this site is that they pm a moderator or administrator and if that behavior or posting goes against the rules of the site they will take care of it.

The other option that the rules of this site includes is the ignore feature. If you don't like someone, or what they post upsets you because of triggers or personal beliefs use the ignore feature.

You can pm people telling them you don't like them or don't agree and so on but that may only fuel the fire. why add fuel to the fire when you can just not read what upsets you.

In real life a person would not sit down and read a book or anything else that they did not like, do not agree with and triggers that person and they certainly would not waist the time to write to an author saying I hate you, hate your book and you have to change or not write this, so there is no reason to do it on line. if a person can take care of yourselves at home by not reading things that they don't agree with and don't like and it triggers them, they are more than capable of doing so on line too.

[mlyn]

Yes, I'd like to know up front be it PM or in forums what have you. I want honesty no beating around the bush for that is bs.
mlyn

[stormgirl]

I would would want to know because without this knowledge no opportunity for change and re-working behaviours can take place, which means people just live blindly and never experience opporunity to share and challenge constructively in a safe supportive environment, which is what PC is.

In saying that, I also feel that difficulties can arise when sharing this way because everyone brings different levels and styles of learning to the table.

I liked what Myself said about the bottom line. End of the day, we all have a responsibility to take care of our own ***** and perhaps the starting place for this is for each of us to put out there how and through what process we would like such issues resolved.

If anyone has a problem with something I post etc, feel free to constructively challenge me on, I will do my best to meet you in that.

[hillbunnyb]

Honesty is the roadbed to trust.

[stormgirl]

You sure do have a way with words Hillbunnyb.

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you all for your replies and insight..... I am all for working out conflict and being honest rather than just avoiding (which can also lead to "game playing"and more hurt feelings imo) That is just me though