[LouR]

After EMDR T believes that I don't need to see him anymore he thinks that my protector personality is strong and that I should be fine.
I have made some improvements and I feel that I can look back on what happened to me and feel it and intellectualise it at the same time.
I have to admit I felt a bit rejected afterwards and empowered.
Has anyone else had this happen?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LouR

After EMDR T believes that I don't need to see him anymore he thinks that my protector personality is strong and that I should be fine.
I have made some improvements and I feel that I can look back on what happened to me and feel it and intellectualise it at the same time.
I have to admit I felt a bit rejected afterwards and empowered.
Has anyone else had this happen?

no I was never told now that I knew such and such therapy technique I no longer needed to go to therapy because my protector alters were strong..

my treatment goals and what my treatment providers and I did in treating my problems never had anything to do with whether my protector alters could handle things or not..

short version here where I live and work an alter is a protector alter because they are equipped to handle what ever the host and other alters can not. they wouldnt be called protector alters if they were not strong and able to take care of everything that the host and alters cant. thats their job, purpose and reason for being. protector alters usually know everything or close to everything about the internal system of alters so they are able to head off crisis, danger...

but that doesnt mean I wasnt going to be dissociating, losing time, getting lost, hearing voices and all the other dissociative symptoms that were part of my having DID. the protector alters taking care of things does not mean I would never sink into depression, suicide mode, have anxiety, PTSD problems...

having protector alters just told my therapist and I, there was someone inside we could depend on to keep me and my internal system of alters going, until they were no longer needed, at which time they would (and did) merge with me to become one whole person again.

one time I did get angry at my therapist and mouthed off at her saying I didnt need her because I had "Louise" protector alter to take care of me..I thought I was big what ever and "done" with therapy now that I knew I had "protector alters"

she looked at me and said well isnt that half a__ed backwards thinking, you dont need me and therapy because you have alternate personalities, to take care of you. then what the heck are you doing here? you have had protector alters since the day your mind first split into alters and a itty bitty babe walking around getting into things, so why at age 20 something are you here if they can take care of you why are you here now? go on if you dont need me and therapy is too hard for you then theres the door, Ill just move on to the next client because thats what therapists do.

I got up and walked out. A moth later I was calling her from another town in which I had no idea how I got there and why. just that I became aware working in a grocery store as a cashier. I didnt know what day it was or anything. after my therapist and I got to the bottom of what happened the result was one of my alters got into an abusive relationship, a protector alter got her out of that mess and another alter decided to leave town so the abuser could not find us.

through out this process my therapist explained to me that EMDR and other therapy techniques for anxiety and such, can help you control your own behavior, anxiety... but it is not a cure for DID which herein NY usa is two or more alters taking over control with their own way of being thinking their own purpose and reason for being. the conflicts and dissociative symptoms that are part of DID will remain there until there is no DID any more meaning all the problems, symptoms will continue until the alters are merged and the person with DID no longer carries that label.

once I understood that even though I have these strong alters called protectors that can take care of me wont prevent all the problems that I had because of DID I buckled down in therapy again.. and apologized to my therapist for the way I had treated her when all she was trying to do was help.

what do I think about what your therapist said to you...well it may be the right thing for you but for me it wouldnt have been.

every treatment provider has their own way and approach for handling each of their clients. this just happens to be the way your treatment provider wants to do things with you.

wha tit boils down to is it doesnt matter what I or anyone else thinks what matter is what you think and what you want to accomplish in therapy, if you feel you have come far enough for you to be able to handle the hard times and your therapist feels its ok for you to continue dissociating /allowing your alters to be in control of things instead of you then its the right thing for you.

but it you feel you have more work you want to get done in therapy and you dont want to depend upon dissociating and dont want to have your protector alters to be the ones in control of you. then talk with your treatment providers and let them know what you want and what you need from them and how you want to approach this issue.

[LouR]

Thank you for your response I was actually hoping you would comment. You are correct.
I believe I will go and talk to my T and have a frank discussion with him that I want to continue I want to feel as though it's all connected, alot of the alternate personalities have integrated because I feel present most of the time irrespective of triggers.
I believe my protector personality is a bit overly cautious and wants to ensure that everything is ok before she integrates.