[Kendyll]

My husband has been doing a lot of work over the past few years and has really been integrating everyone. Where before they would each take turns trying to "drive", now they're all a team, but he's the driver. They still help in the background, but they work together instead of one at a time. Or at least that's how he describes it.

I have to admit, I kinda miss everybody. They still peek out every now and again, when he's really stressed out or tired or something. But we don't have long talks like we used to...We all got along really well (or at least most of us did). I'm glad my husband is getting better and that there's no conflict between different alters. But I miss talking to everyone and getting their take on what was going on. I always knew if things got bad I could talk to Jonathan or Jonny or JT and we could all work it out together. I always told me husband I loved him "singly and in aggregate" - all of him, together or separate.

I know they're all still there. They have always been part of him and they still are part of him and he is all them together. It's a good thing that everyone is pulling together and working as a team under his "leadership" (not sure that's the word I want!). Integration/teamwork has been his goal for quite some time, and he's finally getting there. It think it's great, but I will never forget each and every one of him I spoke with. They are all special to me - as individuals and as one unified Jon.

[Meisjes]

I can certainly appreciate what you're saying and how you're supportive to your husband and his alters. It sounds like you're grieving not having the relationships with them like before. Just like other singular people. In time, I wish for you to enjoy getting to know your husband as he makes these changes. It seems people, regardless of DID or not, keep changing throughout life. Chances are you are also changing along side your hubby.

That makes sense to me. Thats one od the reasons we choose not to integrate. We would miss each other too much.

[monarch_butterfly]

Aww you are so sweet to miss your husbands alters! I agree you are grieving your changing relationships with each alter. I am glad you get to see them once in a while!

[Kendyll]

And just to let you all know that not everyone sees your alters as a problem. You can be loved, everyone. All of you can be loved. You are all deserving of love.

I am grieving a little bit. Like I said, it's a good thing that he's coming along and growing in the way he wants to grow. It certainly makes some things easier when there aren't two or three individuals struggling for control. He's a lot more in touch with his feelings and memories. It's a good thing. It's just different and a little sad sometimes.

Or maybe I'm just different and a little sad sometimes...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Kendyll

My husband has been doing a lot of work over the past few years and has really been integrating everyone. Where before they would each take turns trying to "drive", now they're all a team, but he's the driver. They still help in the background, but they work together instead of one at a time. Or at least that's how he describes it.

I have to admit, I kinda miss everybody. They still peek out every now and again, when he's really stressed out or tired or something. But we don't have long talks like we used to...We all got along really well (or at least most of us did). I'm glad my husband is getting better and that there's no conflict between different alters. But I miss talking to everyone and getting their take on what was going on. I always knew if things got bad I could talk to Jonathan or Jonny or JT and we could all work it out together. I always told me husband I loved him "singly and in aggregate" - all of him, together or separate.

I know they're all still there. They have always been part of him and they still are part of him and he is all them together. It's a good thing that everyone is pulling together and working as a team under his "leadership" (not sure that's the word I want!). Integration/teamwork has been his goal for quite some time, and he's finally getting there. It think it's great, but I will never forget each and every one of him I spoke with. They are all special to me - as individuals and as one unified Jon.

after seeing this post my wife and I have been discussing whether she misses my alters or not.. her answer was no, because everything the alters were, stood for, their memories, mannerisms, moods, emotions, behaviors, misbehavior's, problem areas, talents, strong points, everything that made my alters who and what they are was integrated into me, so now those qualities are now me...

example Sunny used to tell jokes, smile a certain way, cook a certain specialty meal, dress in vibrant colors, was outgoing....

when sunny integrated with me, I became Sunny. Now I am able to tell the same type jokes, smile the same way Sunny did, cook that specialty meal the way sunny did, dress in vibrant colors, and outgoing in the same situations in which Sunny was outgoing....

Another example...Red was my angry alter. Red would literally see the color red, had a temper, and expressed anger over what had happened to me as a child.

when red integrated with me I became Red... I now express anger over what happened to me as a child, I now see the color red when I become extremely angry, and I have a temper when Im mad.

my point is my wife says theres nothing to miss because my alters are all here with me just in a different way, I am them and they are me... we are one whole person. no one went away, no one died, no one got left behind. my wife used the idea they do on tv where when one of the cartoon characters get hit with the shovel you see the one character who is normal and whole then they show many of the same person wobbling and then as the vibrating stops the many go back together to how they were before the shovel hit them. my mind was normal / together/ one whole person, then trauma happened and my mind separated and now its back to normal again. just like any other normal person in the world who has memories of their childhood, can express anger, happiness, ....and a whole bunch of emotions...

for me integration wasnt like Sunny now sits back and I am the driver or Red sits back and Im the one who gets angry...it wasnt like taking a glass of water (me) and dripping in different food coloring's (the alters) and though we are one glass of water with the alters mingling around separate swirls in the water

my integration was not a partial integration where there are still alters and we talk together and make decisions together and Im the one who does everything for the alters.

my integration was a complete one where they became me and I became them.. the water and food coloring mixed together and now theres just one glass of water that is one color, there are no alter voices, no alters crying no alters telling me what to say, do , how to act, there are no alters to consult with, no alters in the background to help....they are me and I am them one whole person again. everything they were, became everything I am.

maybe thats why you are missing your husbands alters, maybe integration hasnt been fully completed yet. when it happens there wont be anything for you to miss because you will see the alters in everything your husband does, says and is. they will become him and he will become them all in one whole person just like you are who you are based on your ability to express emotions, remember your memories and so on.

[monarch_butterfly]

Maybe both of you are changing in this process. Thanks for saying we all deserve to be loved. That makes us feel good. We appreciate that!