I’m not sure if this is linked to dissociating. I’ve written another post about what happened to me: forums.psychcentral.com/survivors-abuse/270287-emotional-neglect.html[/url]

The way I went through trauma was odd. Were no physical attributes that caused the trauma. Was just an overwhelming of emotional stress.

I don’t remember anything physically during the trauma period. Have a vague idea on my emotional state and was conscious enough to make sure I didn’t do anything bad. This happened from Aug 2008 till Feb 2009. During this time, I went into a survival mode, was back-track erasing what was going on. For example, would live in 12:01, then at 12:02, would forget what happened in 12:01. Except this happened every couple of seconds, and became extremely difficult to remember what had just happened. This only started slightly improving after Feb 2009, where it’d only be for a minute, then to a couple of minutes, then maybe an hour, up until June 2011 when I left being in boarding school, in that environment with everything going on.

Though since then, feels like my minds stuck in that survival mode. Currently, can get a general idea of what’s happened during a day. But I need to stop, think of what day it is, the possibilities of what could have happened for that day. Only then do I know what went on. Doesn’t feel like a memory wipe, but that I detach myself from what just happened. Very reminiscent to dissociating during the trauma period, just not as bad.

Makes it very difficult to grow. I’d watch a movie I love, then after a while, would forget (detach) that it happened. But this happens in all aspects. Can’t develop interests. Can’t see beyond tomorrow, only stuck in today. Yesterday feels like it didn’t happen. But now this has been going on for 5 and a half years and I don’t know what to do

P.S. – Sorry in advance if I don’t reply straight away. Never opened up to anyone and find it difficult to say something next. But I’m gonna try and reply quicker.

Appreciate you reading this. Thanks

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Noble117

I’m not sure if this is linked to dissociating. I’ve written another post about what happened to me: forums.psychcentral.com/survivors-abuse/270287-emotional-neglect.html[/url]

The way I went through trauma was odd. Were no physical attributes that caused the trauma. Was just an overwhelming of emotional stress.

I don’t remember anything physically during the trauma period. Have a vague idea on my emotional state and was conscious enough to make sure I didn’t do anything bad. This happened from Aug 2008 till Feb 2009. During this time, I went into a survival mode, was back-track erasing what was going on. For example, would live in 12:01, then at 12:02, would forget what happened in 12:01. Except this happened every couple of seconds, and became extremely difficult to remember what had just happened. This only started slightly improving after Feb 2009, where it’d only be for a minute, then to a couple of minutes, then maybe an hour, up until June 2011 when I left being in boarding school, in that environment with everything going on.

Though since then, feels like my minds stuck in that survival mode. Currently, can get a general idea of what’s happened during a day. But I need to stop, think of what day it is, the possibilities of what could have happened for that day. Only then do I know what went on. Doesn’t feel like a memory wipe, but that I detach myself from what just happened. Very reminiscent to dissociating during the trauma period, just not as bad.

Makes it very difficult to grow. I’d watch a movie I love, then after a while, would forget (detach) that it happened. But this happens in all aspects. Can’t develop interests. Can’t see beyond tomorrow, only stuck in today. Yesterday feels like it didn’t happen. But now this has been going on for 5 and a half years and I don’t know what to do

P.S. – Sorry in advance if I don’t reply straight away. Never opened up to anyone and find it difficult to say something next. But I’m gonna try and reply quicker.

Appreciate you reading this. Thanks

for some people this way of forgetting is them dissociating and for others it isnt...unfortunately or fortunately depending on point of view we are not allowed to make a diagnosis of another persons problems for example we cant tell you if this is dissociating with in you/your mind.

we can only say whether we had had this same problem and what our own treatment providers called it with in our selves...

with in me forgetting knowing what happened one time or day and then the next second or time or day forgetting it was not called dissociation in me..

in me it was called things like sleep deprivation, psychosis, dehydration, anemia, medication problems, Multiple Sclerosis (which is a neurological disease) and others medical and mental health issues depending upon other accompanying symptoms..

my suggestion since only your treatment providers can say what this is with in you I would suggest that if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers, they can assess whether this is your way of dissociating or whether it is any number or medical or mental health problems that share the same symptom.

[Rvnmpd]

Dissociation does not have to be physical as its cause. It occurs as a natural built in defense to protect us from overwhelming physical or emotional pain. Hope this helps rvn

[Kendyll]

Sounds like maybe a low-level dissociating. Like you aren't connecting, and so not "recording" what happens as you go along. I don't know...I know that when I have days I'm not connected, I have trouble remembering things. It's not a complete blank, but more like a grey void. Hard to explain.

I’d actually become stuck in a boarding school where at the time I was receiving a lot of emotional pain, then emotional neglect from everyone around me (friends, family, classmates, etc.), and it happened 24/7 for 4 years until I got out (was also childhood emotional neglect that added on). Had no where to breathe, get some peace of mind.

Feel that to get myself through those years, to survive, forgetting everything that just happened helped prevented things from building up. Like a “natural built in defence” that kicked in to shield me from breaking down. But I feel that because I was like that for 4 years, my brains become stuck in this same mode, even though I’m out of boarding school. Everytime I go outside my room, it’s like this survival mechanism that kicks in and I start dissociating from the environment, from the person I am. Don’t process that my feet are walking on the road, that I’m looking at a car or a tree. Everything about me, that I’m a person with feelings, that’s lived for years , etc., all goes blank like there’s nothing there. Isn’t a memory loss, but very detached….

I’m very new to the mental health side. I’d been looking at dissociative disorders but hadn’t been able to find anything related to trauma and wasn’t sure. I guess my dissociative problems could be related more to PTSD. Hearing some insight has helped though, thank you