[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

I'm not entirely sure the last time I posted on here. Things have been going fairly well for me last year or so, and I guess that's why my mind decided to take a journey back to my childhood and show me a lot of things I had completely ignored and forgotten.

A very good friend of mine is interested in many things pertaining to D.I.D and the development of it. She's interested in celebrities having mental breakdowns in their mid-twenties, and it always seems these young women might have D.I.D. themselves.

She studies into methods and practices that evil sick people impose on young children to make them grow up wonderfully in the lime light, but, enevitably these practices are detrimental to any human, let alone someone constanly in the spotlight.

We've all seen Britney and Lindsay and GAGA and Nikki. And now even Amanda Bynes. Who know's what happened to these women, and if they even have dissociative disorders or if they were in fact abused. But all the symptoms seem the same in many people in the media.

My friend is one to suspect mass media mind control.

Now I know many of us on here have been through some kind of mind control at some point, be it being told your worthless everyday, or watching the same movie all the time as a child and just "zoning out" to it.

These things in the future can trigger us, and thus were influencing our minds, and could be considered forms of mind control.

But I decided to look a little further into it. And against the advice of several authors of these articles and books stating "If you have MPD and arent in therapy and fully intergrated, DO NOT READ"

Well, im stubborn and not easily triggered. And I usually have an alter who can look at things with pure subjectivity. So I read on. And realised many things that i thought were just "Normal things" as a child,

Are really pointing out to me all my triggers, all the things i Hallucinate and the doctors told me i was just schizophrenic.

The butterflies, fire, chanting, certain music, the black plaguedoctor masques.

And the one thing i never even noticed something strange about.

My own father with a satanic pentagram tattooed to the palm of his left hand.

I was raised Catholic. Was never baptised or had communion. My family was excommunicated from the church a long time ago when my grandmother divorced her abusive husband.

My mother went through the same abuse I did. So did my father.

My mom CLEARLY has D.I.D. She hasn't been diagnosed, because she's too bizzare for the doctors to think anything other than Schizophrenia. But I lived with her most of my life. And I'd see my 50 year old mom acting like a teenager, buying tube tops and short little pants. Then a few days later asking if those were my clothes, and said she didnt remember buying them and this and that.

I mean, we all know the signs, especially when you've realised youre doing it yourself for a long time.

And my dad, I mean, I always was a "daddy's girl" I guess. My father was in a skydiving accident when i was 7. That's when my life became, so disjointed to me.

I and everyone assumed it was the trauma of my father almost dying.

He is braindamaged now, and still alive. He can talk, walk alright, and still remembers me. But he has a lot of cognitive thinking problems now. And barely remembers much of raising me or even the correct date of my birthday. And im his only child.

That doesn't bother me so much, but remembering. Why the my life was so disjointed at that point. The 4 months the man was in a coma, and it was 4 months of my life. I wasn't being taken to strange places and shown weird things and...

In short... and without divulging too many details. I've recovered some information that was helpful to me in realising, these weren't games. These were satanic rituals being held out int he middle of the woods with his "beer buddies"

They did awful things to me.

I'm feeling safe and whole still, even after realising this. I want a therapist, but everyone out here in the midwest says

"Read the bible, god will help you"

and dont even realise that is one of my biggest triggers. I've read that stupid book so many times. And god never answered my prayers. No matter how hard I begged and pleaded for some salvation.

So I don't know what to do.

Just thought I'd share my ramblings, and wonder how many others go through the things I did. And how I wish I could just tell them all it's going to be ok. Even if it doesnt seem like it.

God doesn't rule my live, and Satan doesn't either.

I am my own master.
I only have to do the things I want to now.

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

Sorry for intruding, but there weren't always terrible messages in some of those things we had to watch. I distinctly remember a voice during programming where a woman said in a moment of clarity, "God gave us free will, we are the masters of what we think and do." I don't know who said it, why they said it, or where this voice came from. But when I'm upset I think of that, whether or not you still believe in God or anything, there's an air of truth in that message.

Just putting that out there

With love, - Trenton