[CandG]

It hasn't caused any issues or anything. In fact, I feel like we understand each other better because we both have similar mental issues. I was just curious if anyone had ever been in a similar type relationship before.

[Travelinglady]

Anybody have this experience?

Both my husband and I are bipolar. I agree that we understand each other better because we both have the same disorder.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by CandG

It hasn't caused any issues or anything. In fact, I feel like we understand each other better because we both have similar mental issues. I was just curious if anyone had ever been in a similar type relationship before.

I once dated someone who also had DID. it turned into a very unstable and explosive situation... simple version our problems ended up feeding each others triggers, which resulted in some very unsafe things happening..

longer version...

Dissociation is a very normal reaction to triggers (stress, anxiety, fears, feelings, ....) that the person can not handle feeling/doing at that moment.

people with DID have at least two or more of these special type alters that take control many times when the person is triggered.

I would start feeling something...anxiety, or depression, or stressed out, ...I have many different triggers including what most people would consider to be completely harmless/non triggering.

the one I was with would notice I was feeling triggered and go into a heightened state mind (some people call this hyper arousal or hyper vigilant.) so that she could understand my feelings of being triggered and help me. her internal system would perceive this state of mind as there must be some danger or something going on. the result she would start switching into her alters.

sometimes it was the other way around where she was upset about something and my internal system would perceive my girls problem as mine and take over trying to fix the problem for me.

(some places call this co dependency)

the longer we were together the more plus the more similarities we shared the more ended up feeding each others problems..it got to the point where neither one of us could function on our own..

not to mention we didnt know every one of our alters with in our own internal system of alters and what triggered them/what triggered the dissociating...then on top of that trying to understand each others internal system, what triggered them and what triggered the dissociating..

one of my alters was triggered by flashlights/small lights, but yet another one of my alters felt safer with flashlights/small lights. she also had some fears/anxiety...hers was the dark.... imagine the turmoil when the electricity went out during a winter storm. there I was cowered in my bed under blankets turning a small flashlight on and off while this girlfriend of mine was crying and screaming in another room where an alter took her, because it was dark. thats how the neighbors found us when they came to check to see if everything was alright. both of us ended up in the hospital mental ward. thats when we came to understand just how dangerous it can be for two people with DID to date/live together.

years later I discovered that situation could have been a heck of a lot worse because we both had suicidal alters, we both had alters that enjoyed the darker side of sex, we both had alters that could have killed each other trying to protect ourselves with knives. neither one of us knew for years those alters existed inside of us.

we are both still friends but we never again took our friendship to the intimate sides after that hospitalization.

Im not saying what you and this other DID person has will be doomed/wont work. just showing you the possible danger.

my suggestion if this relationship is something you want to build on, go very slowly and may I also suggest that the two of you keep your treatment providers in the loop so that if some unexpected alters take over you and this other person you are dating are ok together. having similarities with DID can be a good thing but its also a bad thing too because what causes you problems will also cause the one you love the same problems (co dependency issues)

[shortandcute]

My second husband and I both suffered from clinical depression, and it was very difficult. Partly because, as it turned out, all he wanted was for someone to "take care of him." I didn't have it in me to do that since I was pretty far down myself, and I didn't realize how bad he was. He started drinking again, and eventually getting back into drugs again, and eventually cheating, because his depression kept getting worse. Of course, then mine got worse, too. I let myself and my house go. I put on weight. I started becoming psychotic. I would wash my hair, but then never brush it, so it would be a tangled mess--then I would just chop out the tangles, and it would be a total mess. I looked like such a mess that people who didn't know me thought I was homeless. I didn't take very good care of our son.
Eventually, my husband filed for divorce, then committed suicide about 4 months later. I've known some couples where the husband and wife were both depressed and they made it work, but that wasn't the case with us.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

My second husband and I both suffered from clinical depression, and it was very difficult. Partly because, as it turned out, all he wanted was for someone to "take care of him." I didn't have it in me to do that since I was pretty far down myself, and I didn't realize how bad he was. He started drinking again, and eventually getting back into drugs again, and eventually cheating, because his depression kept getting worse. Of course, then mine got worse, too. I let myself and my house go. I put on weight. I started becoming psychotic. I would wash my hair, but then never brush it, so it would be a tangled mess--then I would just chop out the tangles, and it would be a total mess. I looked like such a mess that people who didn't know me thought I was homeless. I didn't take very good care of our son.
Eventually, my husband filed for divorce, then committed suicide about 4 months later. I've known some couples where the husband and wife were both depressed and they made it work, but that wasn't the case with us.

I also wanted to add that I became very violent, too. I would hit my husband, throw things at his head so that he would need stitches, etc. Oftentimes, he was drunk, so he wouldn't remember what happened--he would just wake up and find an open wound on his face, or a knot on his head and assume he got in a bar fight the night before. After we had split up, I saw him and one of his girlfriends walking home from the laundry mat; I had our son with me, so I went up to them so my son could at least say hi to his dad--and the next thing I know, I was beating the crap out that woman!!! During my psychotic times, I was hallucinating quite a bit too.

[likewater]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

My second husband and I both suffered from clinical depression, and it was very difficult. Partly because, as it turned out, all he wanted was for someone to "take care of him." I didn't have it in me to do that since I was pretty far down myself, and I didn't realize how bad he was. He started drinking again, and eventually getting back into drugs again, and eventually cheating, because his depression kept getting worse. Of course, then mine got worse, too. I let myself and my house go. I put on weight. I started becoming psychotic. I would wash my hair, but then never brush it, so it would be a tangled mess--then I would just chop out the tangles, and it would be a total mess. I looked like such a mess that people who didn't know me thought I was homeless. I didn't take very good care of our son.
Eventually, my husband filed for divorce, then committed suicide about 4 months later. I've known some couples where the husband and wife were both depressed and they made it work, but that wasn't the case with us.

I am so sorry to hear you went through this. To be severely depressed and then lose a loved one to suicide is hell. You are very strong to have survived. Kudos.

[CandG]

We've actually been together for over 2 years, so we have both already encountered each others alters and honestly it hasn't caused any problems. His alters have even met mine. We aren't co-dependant, which is something I personally watch out for because of past experiences. One thing that helps is that we both have a really good handle on how to deal with our disorders. When either of us is feeling triggered we just talk about it. I haven't noticed either of us triggering the other. We rarely even argue. We are both healthy and stable individuals who have the same disorder. This is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. Thanks for the feedback though.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by CandG

We've actually been together for over 2 years, so we have both already encountered each others alters and honestly it hasn't caused any problems. His alters have even met mine. We aren't co-dependant, which is something I personally watch out for because of past experiences. One thing that helps is that we both have a really good handle on how to deal with our disorders. When either of us is feeling triggered we just talk about it. I haven't noticed either of us triggering the other. We rarely even argue. We are both healthy and stable individuals who have the same disorder. This is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. Thanks for the feedback though.

Well, that's good that you two have a good relationship. Obviously, a lot of people are able to work it out. I've known a lot of couples where they both had disorders--and often the same one--and had a very strong relationship. This was just my personal experience, but it's different with everyone.

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

Originally Posted by CandG

It hasn't caused any issues or anything. In fact, I feel like we understand each other better because we both have similar mental issues. I was just curious if anyone had ever been in a similar type relationship before.

Both me and my partner have D.I.D.

We met online, and talked for a while. And then I got the courage to tell him, and he told me he had the same thing, and I guess that just bonded us closer. We were both terrified to be in another relationship because in the past we both had alters who would feel dejected in romantic situations and would sabatoge relationships.

But we've been together for almost 5 years now, we live together, and have had hard times and great times. And we've done a lot of healing just being together and sharing our past experiences.

It's really the best thing that ever happened to me, meeting him.

I think, we've both counted, looking back at old pictures and diaries and whatnot, that we each of us has well over 60 alters each.

So, it can get a little hectic at times, trying to decide "Oh well so and so wants time out with the body, and so and so and blah dont get along well" So we've had conflicting situations.

But the cool thing about it is, for every person inside me, he has a person for them. So really it's like falling in love over and over.

Some small advice: If either of you feel vulerable or triggered and you get in an arguement or something, just let it work its-self out

There were many times where we both felt like calling it quits because two people healing at the same time can be a power struggle sometimes.

But I know in the DEPTHS OF MY HEART, that I love him too much to ever leave, and no one else could ever have or give the understanding we have between us.

Good luck in your relationship I wish you both well!