DID and Weight Loss

You know I think I finally figured it out..... I cannot loose the weight for my self and my final alter has a conflict as to what is wanted and what looks safe.
I hate the way I look with the extra weight and I want to look good and sexy again - for me and my husband, but my final alter is sacred to look sexy (due to past sexual abuse) therefore she wants to remain fat for protection - to look unpleasing to the male eye.

So what I am to do..... but to remain as I am - for I seem to go 6 months on and 6 months off, meaning that I personally work hard for six months to loose it all and then she takes over and I put it all back on.... I am aware of what she is doing and yet I do not stop it - can't! - (and) I am tired of the emotional struggle the fight to loose weight causes me.... I concede.

HELP!! HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hi Rhapsody,
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. I have had issues with this on a few sides. I have times where I seem to be not allowed to eat food and times when food is eaten without me being aware. I also struggle with an eating disorder. For me, we have been realizing that I was starved as a child and also perhaps food was used for means other than nourishment. Plus there is the whole looking attractive and "like a woman" thing too. It sure gets complicated, doesn't it.

What I have found that sometimes works for me is to first off make sure I am not hungry. I eat something every 3 to 4 hours, just something small and healthy, but it seems to help some parts of my brain to realize that I am not being starved and so it helps cut down the times when I am eating unaware.

At the same time, the parts of my brain that want to stay unattractive seem not to get triggered all the time because there is food entering the body often. The parts of the brains that want to be starved do fight this at times but it does work better sometimes if I choose an apple instead of a muffin.

It's entirely too complicated and I don't always succeed in finding that balance. But, when I do, it seems to work a little better for all parts concerned about this aspect of life.

I also found if I gain muscle more than concentrating on losing weight, it does not feel attractive to this brain so much as it just feels stronger. Some parts of my brain are straight with that.

All that said, I struggle a lot with it too, but each time I find something that puts things going in a better direction, I try hard to use it.

It doesn't always work of course. And I still find evidence of food eating while I was gone, I find evidence of eating disordered behaviors done while I was unaware, but anything that will put it going in the right direction is good. Eventually we will get there I hope.

Well, this was a long post that didn't say a whole lot, but probably added a whole lot more confusion. Each of our brains are so different and what works for one may not work for another, but if you are able to take any part and use it, please do. And throw the rest away.

It's a struggle finding balance when there are so many parts that have differing ideas of what is needed. I wish you much luck as you strive to find your balance.

- - - - - - = &

rhap,

we have 1 person who wants to eat all the time and craves red meat every now and then. The rest of us have food issues. Its not easy. In terms of weight, i need to gain.

I guess in reality I have decided to stop trying to loose the weight and to just be happy with where my body has resolved to remain its present weight at..... eating or not eating as life goes along - my skinny days are over.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - &

Wanttoheal--

Wantto,

I can so hear what you are saying. I find that i wrestle with food issues, one person wants to eat and the others dont. But im thinking that I get to starving hungry and the fight just gets worse between us. But im wondering if i should eat a little often, instead of not eating anything for long periods of time. Its Adele who gets really angry when she doesnt get food and by the time we give in she is so mad. Im going to try and eat a little often.

thanks for sharing

we have just eaten rather alot, big full bellies!

I don't seem to have a problem with weight and my alters. When I was 16 I weighted 94 punds. Today I am 145-155. When I switch into the memories of "Mary" in those memories I am 94 pounds. so when "mary" the only thing I know is being 94 pounds because that is what that memory content contains.

One time I because aware in LL's office and she was saying I looked pregnant and I was sitting like someone who is pregnant. I just told her I wouldn't mind being pregnant again and thought "ok I was 30 when I was pregnant so I was most likely rerunning the memories known as Ann.

From medical records I know that I was 189 pounds when I was 9 months pregnant and I pigged out on gummy bears and tacos. could not keep anything down unless it was smothered in taco sause.

So from time to time I find gummy bears and taco fixings galore. so I know Ive been pigging out again.

But every time I switch from memory piece to memory piece my boilogivcal weight does not change. I used to wonder why and then I found out for me it works the same way medications do.

I can go to the dentist and because of switching from memory piece to memory piece recieve 5 different novacane shots.

The only one the effects me is the one that I got when aware and the only ones that effect "mary" is the one I got when rerunning the memories or "Mary".

If I am aware the shot I got wears off and I do not experience the numb effect of the shot "mary" got.

When I get a shot and seitch into "mary" I am no longer numbed as mary.

When I asked a DID professional he laughed at me because I could not grasp that concept. its my body so I should be experiencing everything that happens with my body no matter who I switch into right. and he said no.

Diswsociation is mentally separating myself from my body so that I don't mentally and or physically experience what happens to me.

As an alter I can experience my labor pains of having my child but while completely aware because I recieve the demoral when aware I no longer feel the pain.

And visce vera the memory piece replaying experiences the pain of my labor because I did not get a demorol shot when I had switched into that memory piece.

my weight and what I eat is the same way. I can gorge on tacos as one alter and not see or feel the effects when completely aware.

I laughed because now I understood how my best friend and I can go to a restraunt and my lose time and becoming aware walking out of the restraunt my stomach will growl because Im hungry even though I just ate. because I switched before eating when my brain stops rerunning the automatic memory content I am back on the body chemicals and so on of how I was before I had switched.

So I don't have a problem with my weight because of my alters. When Im an alter I take on the appearance of what I was when that memory piece was created and when I return I am back the way I was before I had switched. even though hours may have passed for example I may switch at 4 pm and eat as mary at 5 pm and become aware at 6pm but mentally I am thinking I should be starting dinner because the time should be 4 pm.

One of my friends think its great that I can eat all that I do some days and not gain a pound.

As for losing weight when I want to - the only advice I have is that since switching into memory pieces is trigger related - to consult your physician and have him put you on an apporved diet plan where you won't be feeling hungry which may be triggeriung you into switching into the eat frame of minds.

For example the diabetic 2 diet plan is also good for non diabetic people with high clorestol and for weight loss. the person basically eats 9 times a day but in extremely small quantities for example breakfast for me is one egg, one slice of toast with one teaspoon of preserves a half cup of v 8 and hafl cup of orange juice, one 8 oz yogert cup. two hours later I am eating again one slice of bread, one ounce of ham, one slice of cheese, one slice of tomato, one leaf of lettuce one banana, two hours later I am eating again.

Basically this fools the body into thinking I am over eating (which in acuality I am getting 1800 - 2000 calories a day 500 - 700 calories less than a normal diet) so the body kicks into not storing the food as fat cells that rationing food does.

I really wish that both of us could start to dislike food just a little bit..... not to much, for I do love my chocolate, but a little dislike would be good.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

(((Rhap)))..oh Chocolate a big weakness of mine too..

My alters tend to have issues with food, so I have started to plan meals out ahead of time..the last draw was when I made myself sick dunking Oreo cookies in mashed potatoes..I said enough is enough..it works out better this way.

Exercise is a team sport...I like walking and hiking, weight lifting..but the teenagers like things like Baseball and Basketball, and the younger ones like bicycling...sooo..as bad as this looks at my age, I plan for trips to the batting cage, and the basketball court..only go at odd times when there is less likely for others to see a middle aged frump shooting hoops, or hitting the 90 mph hardball..giggle..I am so embarrassed if someone else sees me, but it seems to help..I feel better afterwards...

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Evangelista said:
Exercise is a team sport...I like walking and hiking, weight lifting..but the teenagers like things like Baseball and Basketball, and the younger ones like bicycling...sooo..as bad as this looks at my age, I plan for trips to the batting cage, and the basketball court..only go at odd times when there is less likely for others to see a middle aged frump shooting hoops, or hitting the 90 mph hardball..giggle..

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That is good, but my problem is that I like it and she does not - so whatever I take off she puts back on.... to much of a battle for me to deal with any more, emotionally that is.
.... she needs (wants) the FAT for protection from men and their sexual desires.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

((((((((( Friends )))))))))))

I am sorry all of you are having problems with eating.

Rhap I do want to tell you I am fighting with the issue of hiding behind weight.

I was back down to almost my perfect weight one year ago. I had worked so hard. I live in a bad neighborhood and finally I was bothered one too many times on the parking lot. It scared me to death. Looking back, that night was when I went off my diet and was ravenous at all times. I also cut off my beautful long hair. It was down my back, and at the time I had no idea where this urge to cut it came from.

Now I know and I've got to get this extra weight off for health reasons if nothing else.

This is the very first time I have spoken of this. I was going to post and just didn't have the courage. I am used to being thin and attractive. My brace makes me have no figure. I just look like an unattractive lump. I just wanted to tell you I so understand.

Jan

(((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))))

I understand and have been thinking a lot about this recently. I have learned that I think that my 5'4" body would feel best around 135 to 140. L----- thinks that we need to be around 160 (where we are now) to feel safe, just like your alter. C---- and G------ who are both around 10 yo don't really care how big the body is as long as we keep eating ice cream with Magic Shell and other good treats because that is the only way that they felt loved growing up. L----- is almost anorexic and has been really getting steamed lately that we don't weigh 124 (exactly). And then someone (?) uses eating very sugary foods (brown sugar, marshmallow fluff, sweetened condensed milk) as a way of self-injury. It sounds strange, I know.

So I don't know how to lose the weight and 160 is a little too high for this body to be healthy and feel comfortable. I'm thinking about asking everyone to sign a contract to use food to keep the body healthy and strong, so no eating treats when full or eating to SI or starving to feel thin. If it works I'll let you know!

Oh, and as far as exercise goes, not a single one of my alters has ever enjoyed an organized sport or "exercise" except for the almost anorexic one. Coming to an agreement on how to get the body toned will be another challenge. But, one step at a time and one day at a time.

Elizabeth

Thanks Jan &amp; OneAndMany ((( hugs )))

It is just getting so hard and a health problem for my normally small petite body frame.... at 5' 2' I am best at around 115 / size 3 (and) was that size most of my life, until about 10 years ago when I had my mental break down and was given the Dx of DID - hence the roller coaster ride I now live, along with other mental issues.

My doctor wants me to loose some weight for my heart, RA and cholesterol level was not good at this years yearly physical..... cholesterol was at 300 - Eeeek! - that's up 70 points from last year.

SIGH! SIGH! SIGH!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

LOL yup chocolate is my down fall too and at this moment an popping chocolate covered carmels in to my mouth.

wantto,

we are trying this eating a little often thing. Today we have had cereal and then a fruit scone!

((((Jan))))...so understand about the hair..my mom used to cut all of our hair (sister)..put a bowl over our hair and chopped away..any wonder I am very determined to grow my hair long..but resisting urge to cut it off sometimes due to the male alter..who absoultley hates his hair long..yuck..

I am overwieght..was anorexic as a teenager, all my sisters were twiggies..felt like I was the milk man's child..but a chunky monkey in childhood...over the years in marriage my wieght ballooned..and yoo-yoo'd.

Now..I am overwieght..but finding that like Rhap has suggested its a defense for certain parts..but part of my therapy has been to incorporate some healthy movement..walks/hikes..the stuff I mentioned before..but my eating is so weird...when I am not dooing well my gut completely shuts off for weeks at a time..all I can do is liquids..to becoming ravenous..wanting to eat anything not nailed down..or just sweets all day..

Just within the last month my teen wanted nothing but French Fries for breakfast..thats it..then another one..got hooked on Chocolate chip cookies for breakfast for over a week thats all I could eat in the morning anything else tasted like pookey..not healthful or helpful..when at my age I should be eating things like iron fortified cereals, protient, or oatmeal and fruits..