[razeljenny]

Do you have to backtrack to stop it?

not sure if I know what you mean - So I am going to tell you what happens with me - I don't see my memory pieces (alters) as in one standing right in front of me. What happens when I dissociate I start feeling floaty and far away. The voices ( pieces of audio memories of what I heard when I was being abused and and pieces of memories of I said at various ages and those I had contact with during those abusive situations) in my head get louder and faster and acted out. Sometimes the memories that replay in my head and get acted out are visual as in the things and people and shadows that I saw when I was being abused, sometimes the memories that are replaying and I am acting them out are the reactions that I had when i was being abused - what I touched, how I was touched, what I felt emotionally.

Once I mentally float beyond the far away feeling and into la la land (my mental safe place) I have no awareness and control of what is being acted out (physically said and done)

Are you asking when this happens - my memory pieces (alters) replaying and my acting those memories out - how do I stop the memory pieces (alters) from replaying and getting acted out?

Once I am in la la land I have no awareness and no control over what I am saying and doing when acting from experiencing the memory pieces (alters)

When SKR was my therapist we contacted may professionals in the field of DID. We were told t he way to stop what was happening was to use and work with my triggers and use grounding relaxation techniques to establish co consciousness which is remaining aware while the memory pieces replayed. once I remained aware wh ile the memories replayed my brain would automatically takes my separated pieces of memories that were stored in my unconscious (unaware) level of thinking and storing them in the conscious level of thinking so that I would then have control over my behaviour because the pieces of memories would then be normal pieces of memories. Any time I wanted to think about those pieces of memories I would do so without having to be triggered and just like remembering a normal memory so that I could match the pieces of the memories together to form one whole memory. instead of having a smell, sound, sight, taste, touch and feeling of the same abuse situation all separated I could then match them to make one comeplete memory of that whole abuse situation.

We were told by may professionals in the field of DID that this process of restoring the separated pieces of memories that are being acted out from the unconscious level to the conscious level and matching those memories to form one whole memory is called the process of co consciousness and integration.

The way SKR and I did that process of co consciousness and integration was the during therapy we you talk about many things. If during our conversations I switched into acting from the replaying of the memory pieces (alters) she would write down what we were talking about and possible triggers that made me switch. Sometimes she would just continue with the conversation so that she could find out as much information as she could about the piece of memory (alter) that was being acted out.

Other times she would become very forceful at getting my attention, making me focus on her voice, what she was wearing, things in the room, the chair that I was sitting on. paying attention and focusing on your surroundings and people around you is called using grounding techniques.

Once she had a list of possible triggers she would work those topics and words into our normal conversations to check on my reactions. once she located a true trigger (the one thing that sent me into acting out the same piece of memory (alter) she would write it down. From then on she could recognize which memory piece (alter) I was switching into if I got triggered during therapy. Sometimes she let me go and other times she would ask me questions about her and the room and so on basically teaching me how to use grounding techniques to pull myself back out of my tunnel or hold myself aware while I told her what memories were replaying just like flashbacks do when they start going.

At home I kept a log of when things felt uncomfortable, upsetting and what I was doing when I felt floaty and far away basically locating my triggers (what was upsetting and making me dissociate). and use gounding techniques just like I did in therapy sessions. when I feel myself start getting floaty and far away I fill in my dissociation log, locate the trigger so that next time I encounter that trigger I have a better chance of recognizing that trigger and using grounding techniques even sooner. I also when I am triggered at home home myself in that co consciousness area and try to write down what that memory that is replaying.

I use relaxation techniques the same way for grounding and learning more about what memories are replaying.

LL and I have started working on this too. After she found out what SKR and I were working on she jumped right in and supporting what SKR and I were doing 100%.

We do relaxation visualizations during some of our therapy sessions, and when I get triggered when with her I continue to use my grounding techniques to either hold myself in that co consciousness of being aware of what is going on with LL asking me questions and my telling her what I am seeing, hearing and so on for as long as I can before entering la la land like we did during the sand tray activity or I pull myself back out of the floaty far away feeling and back into full awareness before I enter la la land like I did at our last session when talking about the house project and a little bit about the nightmare that I am having every night and waking up in major panic from every night.