[woundedhearts]

Was wondering if anyone has experienced this? Have dealt with it before and it is back up.

Alters are really affecting me and my voice is like I'm drugged. They are affecting me big time. I saw T today and I was so embarrassed. My voice was as if I was drugged as well it being in a child's voice. My T told me today that she was told that these alters are affecting me as well as taking parts of my mind......the host part.....me....back to my childhood. Not that I am in a memory or back totally in time. It is so confusing. Hard to explain. Parts of my mind is in the here and now, but parts of it is back then. Not another alter, but me the host. I'm sorry if this is confusing. I'm trying to figure out how to explain what is going on. This time of year is a horrid time of year for us.

[OneAndMany]

((((((((woundedhearts))))))))) safe hugs if ok

I don't know if this is what you are talking about, but I'll share how I describe what I experience sometimes.

I feel as if I, the host, am the skeleton on the biology textbook page and an alter who is not completely out but is affecting me is the mostly transparent overlay page that goes directly over the skeleton.

I am much more in charge of the body than the alter is, but I am not always in control of what is said or the things that my eyes really notice when I look around. And I can smell things that aren't really present. When this is happening, I sometimes hear what I've just said as if I'm on a 1 second delay (you know when you are watching TV and the sound is slightly off from the actors lips). And I can usually feel the alters feelings and know that they are separate from mine. It is very confusing both to experience and to explain.

Elizabeth

What you are experiencing is called co consciousness - being aware of the here and now at the same time as being aware of what is replaying in your mind. this happens envetually with all DID people that are in the healing and working on remembering waht happened to them regardless of what type of abuse it was that caused the person to dissociate.

Its definately a weird feeling. you will find lots of information in my blog about co consciousness and my experiences so far with being co conscious when remembering some of my forgotten pieces of memories.

hang in there. It is a weird feeling for sure but once you remember that forgotten memory the feeling soon passes. for now that memory is considered a normal stored in the conscious level of thinking just like a normal memory.

[Evangelista]

{{{Woundedhearts}}}}

Sorry that you are suffering so with being in the then & now mode of processing traumatic experiences. It is a surreal existence, but also one in which you may be able to grow from as your system is opening up to you. It is a very confusing convergence of alter world reality, and current reality, so please be gentle with yourself, as your mind adapts to the sequencing which is occurring.

Yesterday during a session with T, we entered very scatter brained, well, even more than normal, LOL, but my memory processing felt like a book, with many pages blank, which had been left opened on a desk, a violent gust of wind was scattering the pages to and fro..I believe the term Rapid Switching comes to mind, the dissociative processing felt like a whirlwind…these times I loose track of him in the office..and he becomes an unperson, actually the whole office becomes an “un”..dont know where it or I go to be honest..but as the pages slowed I was talking to him and explaining how disorganized I was mentally, not feeling anywhere, speech was very ….well…yuck…when I started to be in two places…in his office..which was still kinda in an “un” place...a parking lot of a high school, also felt un..but more tangible..then a dog suddenly appeared next to the couch I was sitting on in his office..but was not..part of me was still standing in the parking lot still....told my T who I was not seeing more of like knowing not he was there...and that’s when it got weird..LOL…as being in separate worlds will do this to a person...

But anyway..long post short..it is a part of the processing of traumatic experiences..and very very confusing, and uncomfortable but can offer insight if your system is ready to incorporate the convergence of realities..it is a mixed enlightment of sorts...when you have a chance to learn and except, and validate your minds ability to heal itself…but with the gentle guidance of your Therapist…its not something you want to rush in and try to understand without a professional to help you process the impact the images and emotions the whole encounter has on you…and to monitor it’s incorporation into the self instead of the self(s)…because you are moving the memory from then to now and becoming co-conscious of your alter’s experiences..while horribly confusing, terribly uncomfortable and all the other emotions that exist there…you need all the support and guidance that professionals and your support system can offer..and what we can offer here…take care Dear Woundedhearts..be safe…gentle safe hugs..

[Monty_girl]

I know this is the worst time of year and hardest to get through. Just wanted you to know your not alone here. Be safe.

Lisa

[hillbunnyb]

))))))) )) ) )wounded hearts (((((((( ( (( sea legs, it's a long voyage..... but, quite a unique adventure. find your rhythm and ride!!!!!!!

[CedarS]

(((((((woundedhearts))))))))

I hear you and am sending all the best wishes possible.

[Glo123]

I am so sorry you are experiencing all this weirdness. I am new to diagnosis, but not new to feeling weird! I thought I would rather have cancer than this until I found you all by accident. I feel like I'm on the same page with all of you. Last night, I was watching a movie, a comedy of all things, and I got triggered. It was supposed to be about a vacation trip from hell. But it reminded me of a childhood vacation. I turned off the movie, and was supposed to journal. I got online with you guys and went to the draw ball. All of a sudden I was'nt a 46 year old me but an 8 year old. She's really shy but she had a great time on the draw ball. She wouldn't have anything to do with journaling - boring. There was some water spilled in the kitchen and she freaked out. I think she thought she was going to get in serious trouble. I played the role of her big sister and tried to comfort her. Apparently it worked, because I told her I loved her and she needed to go to bed. Then she left. And I decided to buy some crayons and colouring books for her. Do any of you have different projects for your different subs?

Im not aware (co conscious) when my memory pieces are replaying but I do keep drawing supplies, puzzles, books of all different reading abilities, toys, music around the house and they do get useds. I am always picking up the legos, finding new drawings, and there is always a book or two laying open and at least two different puzzles in process around my house along with something being crocheted, knitted, baked, and so on. So much so that I have turned my sons bedroom that he is not using at this time into an office - play - art - therapy type room that holds all the toys, art supplies and so on.

[(JD)]

I also know this is a tough part of the year for many here in this forum. (((safe hug.))))

Woundedheart, what you are describing is being somewhat co-conscious with the other or another aspect of your personality/system. It's really a step in healing, whereas many who have NO clue what the others in their system is thinking, saying or doing. This is a stage that they must go through on their way to cooperation.

From what I hear from others this is most distressing because you feel like a fake when experiencing it, because it seems so foreign to you and not "you."
Not being in control enough to change it or stop it can also be frustrating?

Please be gentle with yourself, especially during this trying season.

[hillbunnyb]

honey you should see my house, stuff for all my parts everywhere........ give your yous what they have been missing is so much fun.

my memory pieces weren't missing out on doing those things. The drawings and so on was happening forever with me. It has always been normal for me to "wake up" and find I had colored something or got blamed for not picking up the toys as a child and I not remember I had played with the toys and so on. My mom tells me I used to sit crocheting for hours when I was a kid but I don't remember doing any of that. all that creative and playful stuff has always been happening. I now stock the house with those things because I am incorporating what has already been happening into my present life as I learn more about myself and my separated memories.The playing and so on was never missing, in fact it was this because this type of stuff was NOT missing and was happening when normal adults don't usually do the type of colorieng and drawing and so on that I was doing that clued my therapists in on the fact that I was DID. Now that I know some of these t hings are there in my memories of the past I am purposely doing them when aware so that I can learn more about myself and my memorys of the past.