[Sterella]

Not really sure if this should go here or not.

My T was trying to help me cope with some bad memories the other day. She asked me to find a "safe place" and asked me to just relax and envision that I was there. That was simple enough, I let myself sort of drift out and it was nice.

She turned on the light bar, and it wasn't too bad at first, just a nice sort of "ticking" motion, back and forth. But then, I felt this horrible sensation. The only way to describe it is like being pulled away. My vision got dark and hazy around the edges, I went numb all over. It was terrifying.

My T kept asking me over and over if I had dissociated, but how do you know? It was so terrifying, and I don't know if I want to do that again. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this from a light bar? I had no idea what to expect with it, and this just seemed so strange and profound that I really need to know!

[innocentjoy]

Usually for me, the way I dissociate in session, if something triggers me, is to just space out, go 'somewhere else'. I know I'm feeling stressed or panic, but it numbs it for me. Usually when someone asks me where I am, or what's going on with me, etc., I can't come up with an answer. If it was me feeling like that, it would be dissociation. Some people just consider dissociation switching alters, or whatever, but it can also be spacing out.

I haven't used a light bar, is that part of emdr? Usually when we do that in my session, I just follow my t's hand as he moves it back and forth.

Did you have any thoughts, images or sensations (touch, smell, sound, etc) that happened at the same time? It could have been that some memory was triggered, and your brain is trying to figure out what's going on. Another thought is that I was doing some vision tests and was told that because I was watching the light without blinking, I started to black out my vision. Is it possible the loss of vision was because you weren't blinking, and then it triggered an emotional reaction to lose your vision? Just some thoughts to throw out to think about. Perhaps they will help you figure out what happened.
be well,
IJ

[Sterella]

You might be right. Maybe that's all it was. It made me so nervous and frightened though. I have had that same feeling before, that "tugging" feeling. Still, the experience with the EMDR was new to me, so maybe that made me feel more sensitive to it or something.

[innocentjoy]

When I was getting the vision tests done, I had a panic attack at the same time. I felt out of control because of losing my vision, and the whole experience. Maybe it didn't cause it, but it definitely could have made it worse. I find if things feel 'weird' I can handle it as long as I'm not in a vulnerable position, and during the vision test I was feeling very vulnerable (weird, I know). Probably because it was new and I wasn't sure what would happen. One thing you could do is ask your t if that could have helped cause your reaction. She would have a better idea. Good luck!! Keep us posted on how it goes!
xo
IJ

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Sterella

Not really sure if this should go here or not.

My T was trying to help me cope with some bad memories the other day. She asked me to find a "safe place" and asked me to just relax and envision that I was there. That was simple enough, I let myself sort of drift out and it was nice.

She turned on the light bar, and it wasn't too bad at first, just a nice sort of "ticking" motion, back and forth. But then, I felt this horrible sensation. The only way to describe it is like being pulled away. My vision got dark and hazy around the edges, I went numb all over. It was terrifying.

My T kept asking me over and over if I had dissociated, but how do you know? It was so terrifying, and I don't know if I want to do that again. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this from a light bar? I had no idea what to expect with it, and this just seemed so strange and profound that I really need to know!

Dissociation is different for everyone. this persons way of dissociating is that and that persons way of dissociating is this....different locations, cultures, treatment providers, people have different definitions of whats dissociation too

you know whether you have dissociated or not by what you are feeling, how you are feeling, what happens to you when you encounter triggering things....

only you know whether you are dissociated or not which is why therapists ask rather than tells a person they have dissociated. Just tell your therapist what you felt and they will tell you whether that it dissociation where you are, or not.

A light bar is just a long light. sometimes they have many small lights arranged in a row to create a rectangular look. sometimes these light bars contain colored lights (a common one is the lights you see on an ambulance or police cars). sometimes the lights inside the rectangular case are heat lamps (light bulbs that give off a warm glow and heat (common uses for this kind are for keeping reptiles warn, fish tanks lighted and warned to the right temp) there are also light bars with full spectrum bulbs in it. these bulbs have a variety of types of light bulbs in them from infrared, to ultravilot bulbs which gives the same effect as being out in the sunshine. (common uses for this is people with seasonal depression, bipolar disorder and other mental disorders get the same benefits as if they were taking a walk on a sunny warm day)

here where I live light bars are used for many things including seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and other mental disorders. I use one for both my seasonal depression and bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders. the light bar warms and calms me.

Dissociation wise no the light bar never made me dissociate, in fact it does the opposite, because it has a calming warming affect on me I tend to get less triggered not more triggered by it. Even if it ever did trigger me into dissociating it wouldnt be a scary thing for me. Ive dissociated through out my whole life so dissociation isnt something Im afraid of. to me dissociation is how I coped with triggering things all my life. staying grounded for me can be a scary thing... staying fully aware and facing what triggers me sometimes is a down right frightening thing...feeling numb, spacing off, fading out, well thats more welcome to me.

[healinghearts]

Light bars are used by some therapists in EMDR which can be very tricky when you gave parts. We had EMDR before we were Dx DID. It was a terrible experience as it brought forth previously unknown abuse that resided with parts we did not even know existed.