[pugluv]

TW: childhood trauma, dissociative amnesia, familial trauma

I recently found out that I may have experienced some trauma in my childhood that I don't remember. A close family member recently told me that he did some "pretty bad" things to me when I was younger and wanted to apologize to me. I told him I didn't know what he was referring to, and he suggested that if I was too young to remember that it probably didn't do any good to bring it up in detail. This happened a few weeks ago. Since then, I have been wondering if I should ask him, or another family member, what he was referring to, or if it is better to not know what happened since I don't have any memory of whatever it is anyway.

The main reason I wonder if I should find out what happened is that I deal with pretty severe depression and anxiety, and I am curious if this early childhood experience could be a contributor to the depression and anxiety even if I don't have any conscious memory of the event. Could finding out what happened impact my depression/anxiety treatment in some way? Or are the risks of finding out and then having to deal with that knowledge greater than the potential benefits of finding out?

Also, if you would recommend finding out what happened when I was young, do you know of any resources for in-person counseling to deal with childhood experiences as an adult? Are there social workers that specialize in this type of situation? If so, how would I find them? I would go straight to a counselor now, but I am barely scraping by as it is and really can't even afford a co-pay for a consultation, much less ongoing visits. Thank you for any recommendations and information you can share to help me.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by pugluv

TW: childhood trauma, dissociative amnesia, familial trauma

I recently found out that I may have experienced some trauma in my childhood that I don't remember. A close family member recently told me that he did some "pretty bad" things to me when I was younger and wanted to apologize to me. I told him I didn't know what he was referring to, and he suggested that if I was too young to remember that it probably didn't do any good to bring it up in detail. This happened a few weeks ago. Since then, I have been wondering if I should ask him, or another family member, what he was referring to, or if it is better to not know what happened since I don't have any memory of whatever it is anyway.

The main reason I wonder if I should find out what happened is that I deal with pretty severe depression and anxiety, and I am curious if this early childhood experience could be a contributor to the depression and anxiety even if I don't have any conscious memory of the event. Could finding out what happened impact my depression/anxiety treatment in some way? Or are the risks of finding out and then having to deal with that knowledge greater than the potential benefits of finding out?

Also, if you would recommend finding out what happened when I was young, do you know of any resources for in-person counseling to deal with childhood experiences as an adult? Are there social workers that specialize in this type of situation? If so, how would I find them? I would go straight to a counselor now, but I am barely scraping by as it is and really can't even afford a co-pay for a consultation, much less ongoing visits. Thank you for any recommendations and information you can share to help me.

Im sorry but only you can decide whether this issue is something you need to look into and find out about or not. we cant make your decisions for you.

if it was me today no it wouldnt be important enough for me to find out further whats what. my reasoning is it could be as simple as not letting me be a part of the bigger kids stuff, or calling me names or what ever, or it could be something as serious as the person committed a crime, abused me. at my point in life I dont really care what happened 20 some odd years ago, all that matters to me is today,

now if this question was asked of me say 15 yrs ago when I was curious about family history I might have gone and questioned the person further. but today not interested and dont really care.

again only you can make the decision of whether this is something you need/want to look into more about.

[gypsysummer]

If you do want to find out, be sure to have a support team in place. A good therapist or counselor and people there for support. I don't think you can really tell how you will react or how your health will be affected by that kind of stress. Everyone is different.

[Kendyll]

If you really want to know, ask him directly. Don't ask anyone else. They may not know and they may not really need to get involved at this point.
Or you can just accept that he feels badly about whatever he did. It may have been something really really bad, or just something that he feels really bad about. Either way, he has admitted that he was bad, and he wants to make it better. He knows he did wrong and wants to come to peace.
My thought would be to forgive him and move along with your own life. I think you'd know if it was something horrific, and if it's not eating at you now, maybe you don't need to dig it up. Neither of you can change yesterday, anyways. All you've got it today and tomorrow, so I'd say move forward.