[Bloem]

Lately i wonder who i am, I've often wondered that only now more. I have more doubts and more trust problems. Realizing that I exist out of parts makes me doubt and think that i can not even know who I really am.

I also started doubt my sexual orientation. I'm a lesbian and I have a good relationship. I've always had relationships with women. One of my alters is straight, the others I do not know what their orientation is. I wonder how that can be so different in a person. And what does that say about me?
I do not feel bisexsueel and do not feel attracted to men.

Does anyone have experience with this?

Bloem

[itsmeleyreagain]

Look, I'm lately having too many problems with my sexual orientation (don't know if due to dissociative issues or not, I'd like to know if it is or what...because it's really odd). I'd ask my therapist for help, I cannot help you in regards to that, I neither know what it means that one of your alters is straight, but I don't think it matters. I know how puzzled you feel because I feel very puzzled and unable to express my feelings lately, but...if you are okay with being a lesbian and you are sure, and you love your partner, stick to it. Anyway, who am I to advice you, I analyze everything a lot and I would feel as puzzled as you.
Just hold on and keep there. Things will get better.

Maybe you had a very hard time accepting you were gay and an alter of you is straight because you couldn't accept you are gay? Don't worry. If your life fulfills you, probably you are going the right way. Don't give it too much thinking and do what makes you feel good. I would have to make a post about me, but for some reason finding the words is hard...my head goes fuzzy anytime I try to explain anything...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Bloem

Lately i wonder who i am, I've often wondered that only now more. I have more doubts and more trust problems. Realizing that I exist out of parts makes me doubt and think that i can not even know who I really am.

I also started doubt my sexual orientation. I'm a lesbian and I have a good relationship. I've always had relationships with women. One of my alters is straight, the others I do not know what their orientation is. I wonder how that can be so different in a person. And what does that say about me?
I do not feel bisexsueel and do not feel attracted to men.

Does anyone have experience with this?

Bloem

my internal system of alters was what my treatment providers call "categorical" the DSM 5 calls it "distinct" short version what that means is my alters all had their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being. in terms of sex and sexual orientation some were straight, some were bi and some were lesbian. I the host am lesbian.

in normal every day life people do find characteristics/ things about others that they are drawn to...

it may be someones smile, the way they laugh, the way they walk, the way they sing, dress....its infinite the things human beings find that they like and dislike in other human beings.

who to "go to bed with" works the same way, as human beings we are a race that can think about sex on many different levels,.

a straight woman/guy can be drawn to a woman/man who has a great bod, smile, personality,..(example look at how many teens and adults emulate and want to be just like their movie/music/tv show idols. there are so many guys out there that find things about elvis attractive they have transformed their life into being Elvis look alikes, so many girls want to be like britney, lindsey and other idols)

theres a guy I work with, gosh is he handsome, has a great personality, always positive and helpful...but does he "get the juices flowing" no. regardless of the fact that each of my alters had their own sexual preferences I enjoy and get aroused by women.

it could have gone any way once my alters integrated. some people who have such a degree of diversity do end up being drawn to a different sexual orientation. But it all comes down to what the whole person is drawn to (that is if integration happens)

before integration for me it was just one of those things that have always been part of my life, it was just the way things were, this alter liked that and that alter liked that and this alter liked this that and the other..for me their sexual "thing" was no different than one alter liking cats and another liking dogs and another liking reptiles, and another not being animal friendly....just the way my internal system was made up...each just had their own way of being, their own job, purpose and reason for being.

my suggestion if this continues to bother you maybe you can contact your treatment providers, they can explain /help you discover how and why your internal system is the way it is.

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by itsmeleyreagain

Look, I'm lately having too many problems with my sexual orientation (don't know if due to dissociative issues or not, I'd like to know if it is or what...because it's really odd). I'd ask my therapist for help, I cannot help you in regards to that, I neither know what it means that one of your alters is straight, but I don't think it matters. I know how puzzled you feel because I feel very puzzled and unable to express my feelings lately, but...if you are okay with being a lesbian and you are sure, and you love your partner, stick to it. Anyway, who am I to advice you, I analyze everything a lot and I would feel as puzzled as you.
Just hold on and keep there. Things will get better.

Maybe you had a very hard time accepting you were gay and an alter of you is straight because you couldn't accept you are gay? Don't worry. If your life fulfills you, probably you are going the right way. Don't give it too much thinking and do what makes you feel good. I would have to make a post about me, but for some reason finding the words is hard...my head goes fuzzy anytime I try to explain anything...

Thanks for your comment,

I'm sorry to read that you are having problems with your sexual orientation, that must be very difficult. I hope that you get more clarity in what you feel and what you want for yourself. As for me, I have no problems with my sexuality, i knew very young that I fell on women and've never been ashamed of it. But I do wonder how it is possible that a part of me is straight? Because it feels totally different for me it feels like a completely different person who is straight but this alter is a part of me. That makes me confused and therefore I get doubts about who I really am.

Maybe you're right and should i not think about it too much. Sometimes it is good not try to understand everything.

Bloem

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my internal system of alters was what my treatment providers call "categorical" the DSM 5 calls it "distinct" short version what that means is my alters all had their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being. in terms of sex and sexual orientation some were straight, some were bi and some were lesbian. I the host am lesbian.

in normal every day life people do find characteristics/ things about others that they are drawn to...

it may be someones smile, the way they laugh, the way they walk, the way they sing, dress....its infinite the things human beings find that they like and dislike in other human beings.

who to "go to bed with" works the same way, as human beings we are a race that can think about sex on many different levels,.

a straight woman/guy can be drawn to a woman/man who has a great bod, smile, personality,..(example look at how many teens and adults emulate and want to be just like their movie/music/tv show idols. there are so many guys out there that find things about elvis attractive they have transformed their life into being Elvis look alikes, so many girls want to be like britney, lindsey and other idols)

theres a guy I work with, gosh is he handsome, has a great personality, always positive and helpful...but does he "get the juices flowing" no. regardless of the fact that each of my alters had their own sexual preferences I enjoy and get aroused by women.

it could have gone any way once my alters integrated. some people who have such a degree of diversity do end up being drawn to a different sexual orientation. But it all comes down to what the whole person is drawn to (that is if integration happens)

before integration for me it was just one of those things that have always been part of my life, it was just the way things were, this alter liked that and that alter liked that and this alter liked this that and the other..for me their sexual "thing" was no different than one alter liking cats and another liking dogs and another liking reptiles, and another not being animal friendly....just the way my internal system was made up...each just had their own way of being, their own job, purpose and reason for being.

my suggestion if this continues to bother you maybe you can contact your treatment providers, they can explain /help you discover how and why your internal system is the way it is.

Thanks for your comment.

You explain it clearly, the differences of your alters, their way of being, their jobs, purposes, reasons for being. But when you integrated bacame some
characteristics of them also a part of you?
I wonder if it is possible that when you integrate you can/will have a different sexual orientation?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Bloem

Thanks for your comment.

You explain it clearly, the differences of your alters, their way of being, their jobs, purposes, reasons for being. But when you integrated bacame some
characteristics of them also a part of you?
I wonder if it is possible that when you integrate you can/will have a different sexual orientation?

I am already integrated. yes everything the alters were is now part of me. I can appreciate human being, male or female. but for intimacy/sex I prefer women. I am a woman married to a wonderful woman and we are very happy with each other.

yes it is possible for people to change from one preference to another if thats what you are asking...

a straight person can become gay/lesbian/bi and any one what is gay/lesbian/bi can become straight or any other the other orientations.

even normal non DID people can do this, a person doesnt have to have a mental disorder in order to go from one sexual orientation to another. thats just human nature.

a straight schizophrenic woman can suddenly realize that they are attracted to another woman.

a gay/lesbian can one day realize they are happier with a guy then a woman for sex...

sex is one of those things that is all about what makes a person happy, aroused, satisfied.

some day when you are with someone you will realize being with this guy or woman is what makes you happy.

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I am already integrated. yes everything the alters were is now part of me. I can appreciate human being, male or female. but for intimacy/sex I prefer women. I am a woman married to a wonderful woman and we are very happy with each other.

yes it is possible for people to change from one preference to another if thats what you are asking...

a straight person can become gay/lesbian/bi and any one what is gay/lesbian/bi can become straight or any other the other orientations.

even normal non DID people can do this, a person doesnt have to have a mental disorder in order to go from one sexual orientation to another. thats just human nature.

a straight schizophrenic woman can suddenly realize that they are attracted to another woman.

a gay/lesbian can one day realize they are happier with a guy then a woman for sex...

sex is one of those things that is all about what makes a person happy, aroused, satisfied.

some day when you are with someone you will realize being with this guy or woman is what makes you happy.

Thanks for your comment and information!
It helps me how you compare 'normal' situations, it makes it easier for me to understand! thanks for that

Not one day, but now! I'm with the woman which I want to share the rest of my life with. She makes me happy!

Bloem

[xshadowx]

Voting possible also – although not in tune with the sexual orientation side of me anymore - not comfortable with any gender. Do know about being confused with different choices and preferences with other things. My angry selves hates everyone and doesn’t care about seeing people hurt or die. My nice happy selves would feel horrible seeing anyone get hurt and would run to their aid immediately. It would depend who was more in focus at the moment that would base how this body would react.

There are very different personas triggered, and it confuses people all the time. The emotions, thoughts, reactions are genuine even though they are contradictory. It is what defines DID. So it isn’t at all surprising you have multiple sexual preferences. You may even be multitalented, but not always capable of performing that talent – I can play the piano sometimes, but not other times.

It is very weird. I have good fine motor and cognitive skills, but not always able to utilize those functions. I picture various parts of my brain lit up in specific combinations and those combinations make up each persona. The switch occurs when a trigger changes the lit-up combination. Over a period of several years, it becomes like a well-practiced coping mechanism.

You can totally live a good life even with DID. We derail – but normal people derail also. Maybe not as spectacularly as we can, but derailment happens to everyone once in a while. At least I keep telling myself that.

I know this wasn’t a derailment issue, but just tryin to keep a toe in the world –

[Claritytoo]

I have always been attracted to both sexes. I came out as a lesbian 15 years ago and it felt right. I feel very comfortable and peaceful when I am with the right women but I have also been in love with men. Actually one man in particular. It is a feeling I have never felt for anyone before. I wasn't looking it just happened. We did not get together. Long story. But when I am looking, I prefer women. I still don't understand it all that well. I am sort of in the middle.