Getting alter to "talk" to me?

After reading about the relationships people have with their alters and discussing things with both my therapist and a friend, I've come to the decision that I'm going to try and talk to my alter. I don't know much about him, and I don't know why he's hurting me, but there must be a reason why he resents me and I want to know why. Someone I've been talking to pointed out that he might be angry because he's male and trapped in a female body, and I think that's right since he has said creepy sexist things before. I really want to make things better with him and be able to know more about him so I can try and persuade him to stop doing this.

The problem is that he's really unpredictable and angry. It's hard to tell when he's going to start talking in my head or switch and when he does, all he really says to me is how I'm worthless and he hates me. He's also said creepy things about death. Does anyone have any advice of how I can talk to him to find out what he wants and what I can do to make him stop this? Has anyone been in a similar situation with any of their alters? I don't even know his name, I called him a name for a while because I didn't know what else to call him but I suspect he might be called James because sometimes I just get the feeling that James is his name, I don't know how but I just know. I'd really like to know what he wants and why he's there, and I'd really appreciate it if anyone has any advice on how I can do so when he seems to really hate me and never listens when I try to "talk" to him.

My alters don't have names. The one that was hurting me was very angry and said I deserved what I was getting. Since being in therapy I learned that most alters were created as helpers. The one who hurt me had been with me a very long time. When I decided to talk with him I talked out loud to him. I asked him if he was originally a helper alter. He hesitated and than said yes. I thanked him for being a helper alter, Something I had never thought about doing before. He was created as a helper alter and as time went on and some of us got older he remained the same. I forgot about him, I had for gotten about how strong he was when we were young and how he tried to protect us. I was sincere when I thanked him. He felt that and started to talk about how he had been feeling. He is around 12 and was doing what he thought was right. He was angry at me and his way of showing that was to hit and say mean things. So it might help if you start by asking him if he was a helper. If he says nothing that is ok. He will talk when he is ready. One other thing. I can't make any of my alters do anything. Some of the older ones can but none of the rest of us. My angry one needed time to think about what we talked about and make up his own mind about how he wanted to be. This way he understands his decision is his, he has the power to do as he wants with the new information. He is smart and was willing to think it over. He is still working on his behavior but he feels acknowledged and thanks. And he should feel that way. He doesn't hit, punch, injure the body anymore. He doesn't really say mean thing to us anymore. Sometimes when things are not going well he will sometimes suggest punching myself. But he just as quickly realizes that is not a good thing to do. I am glad to hear you had such a good discussion with you therapist. I hope it all goes well.

there is no one way to get an alter to talk to you. some alters never develop co consciousness (one form of co consciousness is communicating with the alter), and most if not all people with dissociative type alters are unable to control their alters due to what that alters job, purpose, reason for being is.

theres a saying you may read many times on psych central....you cant control anyone but yourself. you can control how you react, how you behave, what you say and do but you cant control others. having DID type alters is like that you cant control them. you can work with your treatment providers addressing your problems and over time you may develop enough co consciousness to be able to talk with the alters and maybe over time develop treatment plans with your treatment providers, your alters and you where you all work together and maybe someday you all will become one whole person again. but theres no etched in stone way to do this and theres no etched in stone time frame of how long this healing journey takes. each person just works their own treatment plans and if its meant to happen it will.

that said with me and my alters most I was not able to develop that kind of co consciousness. those that I could either they listened and co operated or they didnt based on what their jobs, purposes, reasons for being was.

Thank you, this was really helpful and I will discuss things with the ater. I am sure there is a fair reason why he is angry and hurting me. I hope things go well with your alter

Anger is a direct result of injustice/hurt. Anger is an instinctive from of protection. Even though this alter may seem mean he is still trying to protect you. This alter is a powerful protector even though he may be misguided in his attempts to do so. Do you think he wants control to keep you safe? Thank him anyway.