Sad Night Tonight

Thank you everyone for ur comments. It's helped to know I'm not alone, but honestly I need a body, a physical presence to make me feel not alone.
If I try to reach out to my H that I need help, that it's not a good day his standard answer is "ground yourself." That's it. I always thank him, but what I'd really like to do it bite his head off & bring total chaos to the situation. Unleash the dark side & let it rip everything apart. I'm so tired of controlling it all.
My H therapist has only offered him more sessions to help him & I kno he didn't take her up on it. Tomorrow night we meet w/ my T as a group. Have a feeling it's not going to b pretty & I'm going to shut down. Why should I bother explaining anything when he really doesn't want to listen. He'll probably also feel slighted bec it's my T we're seeing & probably say that she'll defend me more or that we're ganging up on him. Who knows.
I just feel like it's trying to empty the ocean into a hole...useless. I did a 23 day stay @ a PTSD hospital in January. I'm finished w/ hospitals. I don't honestly feel like I can save myself

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Patagonia,

I'm so sorry your husband is reacting the way he is after finding out your diagnosis. Just hearing about how he is treating you is making my blood boil! Instead of punishing you for an illness you can't help, he needs to be educating himself about it and then doing what he can to encourage and support you in your therapy and recovery work. Ugh! If he was here, he would be hearing a piece of my mind!

However, I am glad to know he is in therapy and that the two of you will talk to your t soon. I know this feels like an intolerable situation for you right now, but please don't give up! If your husband is willing to learn more about DID, I think it will scare him far less than it does now. It sounds like he is genuinely afraid, which isn't that unusual since the media always portrays mental illness at its absolute worst! Because of this, many people think of "Sybil" or other movies or TV shows that portray people with DID or other mental illnesses as crazy and out of control. Other people misunderstand DID and think that it means there are different actual people inside of you or even spirits from another world. Your h just needs to be educated about what DID is and what it isn't.

Things may get worse before they get better. But by all means, don't give up hope! Things can change in ways you don't foresee now.

There are many people here at PC who care about you. Don't forget that!

Please let us know how the session with your husband went.

Peaches

Yup did a pretty good job of shutting down but did get a few good comments in edgewise.
They had a conversation about a local pedophile during our session & I totally got triggered so I just say there & shook trying not to listen.
She did catch him on several points. The best was that he's very dominating. He doesn't think so but gets defensive about it. She said he really needs to do more work w/ his T to solve his own issues before trying to help me bec his 'help' comes off as an interrogation.
T told me she'd offer to see him by himself so they can talk about me. That made me feel totally naked. I later asked my H if he would wanto go & he said it would b helpful. I absolutely HATE the idea....knowing someone is going to spend an hr talking about me makes me extremely angry & very self conscious. Wouldn't anyone feel that way? What good would come of it? If they both think it's a good idea how can I say no? I'd have no trouble sitting in on it just to listen...I'm very good at being quiet. This all just feels very foreign to me & that I'm being set up. Like H will come home w/ people to take me to a hospital or something.
I gave my permission for it, but hate these feelings.

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Your husband doesn't make sense. He doesn't even believe ypou have DID yet he thinks during yhe argument he was arguing with an alter and your DID makes you somehow an unfit mother.I agree you two need to need to meet with your T together. Also, go ahead and play with and discipline your kids. You are their mom, and DID doesn't make you unfit.

My H came home from his own T session last night. He's probably been there 7-8 times now. He said they talked about 'parts work'. I'm doing parts work too.
I asked him what he thought & he said that it made sense...there's a self...different parts...it helps explain things. But he also said in the grand scheme of things he doesn't believe it. He said he'll keep going to explore it more. That was positive...I think.
He brought up the difference between wishy washy thinkers & strict thinkers. If you're wishy washy, parts work explains where all those different opinions come from. If you're a very positive or negative thinker, see issues in black or white, there's no parts work to do.
Ok. I guess that made sense. Now I don't know what to believe. I dont kno that if my H thinks the parts work I'm doing is a bunch of crap that puts my T at a stand still. I need someone to believe me & know I'm not crazy. I'm very alone now w/ all this. I'm so confused

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