[lifelies]

I just can't keep doing this.
My mother is totally paranoid about every single thing we do.
She gets mad at us for doing nothing. Our existence already makes her angry.
She punishes us. She doesn't punish us like she used to, now she acts like everything's OK. But we know it's not.
We know she is paranoid. She follows us everywhere. She always finds out what we do.
She just hates us. She hates us.
*trigger warning 2 - hate, rage, death*
I HATE HER SO MUCH. I WANT TO KILL HER. SHE DESERVES TO DIE. SHE DOESN'T GET TO DO THIS TO US. SHE DOESN'T. SHE SHOULD DIE AND SUFFER. SHE SHOULD GO TO HELL. SHE DESERVES TO DIE. I HATE HER. I HATE HER.
I HATE HER BECAUSE SHE LET OUR FATHER ABUSE US TOO.
OUR FATHER IS OK NOW. HE DOESN'T PUNISH US.
NOW SHE DOES BECAUSE WE'RE NOT OK.
IF SHE CARED WE WOULD BE OK.
SHE SHOULD PUNISH HERSELF.
I just feel so depressed and void.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't keep living with her.
I just can't.
I'm afraid of her.
I know she is going to kill us sometime.
She is going to hurt us a lot because we make her mad.
When she's mad she's evil.
But I can tell no one because no one cares.

[glok]

Hello, lifelies. Do you have a teacher or counselor at school you could talk to? I expect school now is not in session. Can you call someone from school you think might help you. Living in fear of death is serious business.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by lifelies

I just can't keep doing this.
My mother is totally paranoid about every single thing we do.
She gets mad at us for doing nothing. Our existence already makes her angry.
She punishes us. She doesn't punish us like she used to, now she acts like everything's OK. But we know it's not.
We know she is paranoid. She follows us everywhere. She always finds out what we do.
She just hates us. She hates us.
*trigger warning 2 - hate, rage, death*
I HATE HER SO MUCH. I WANT TO KILL HER. SHE DESERVES TO DIE. SHE DOESN'T GET TO DO THIS TO US. SHE DOESN'T. SHE SHOULD DIE AND SUFFER. SHE SHOULD GO TO HELL. SHE DESERVES TO DIE. I HATE HER. I HATE HER.
I HATE HER BECAUSE SHE LET OUR FATHER ABUSE US TOO.
OUR FATHER IS OK NOW. HE DOESN'T PUNISH US.
NOW SHE DOES BECAUSE WE'RE NOT OK.
IF SHE CARED WE WOULD BE OK.
SHE SHOULD PUNISH HERSELF.
I just feel so depressed and void.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't keep living with her.
I just can't.
I'm afraid of her.
I know she is going to kill us sometime.
She is going to hurt us a lot because we make her mad.
When she's mad she's evil.
But I can tell no one because no one cares.

Im sorry you are having a major problems right now.......maybe right now would be a good time to contact your treatment providers. they can help you sort things out in a way that people on the computer can not do for you. all we can do is read what you posted. I hope just venting about this has help you.

another suggestion ....if you are in danger you can contact the police, domestic violence, child protective services or adult protective services depending upon how old you are. they can help you to break free of being abused by your mother. if you look at the bottom of the page there is a grey box that says helplines and lifelines. you can call some of those number and they will tell you what to do next based on your location, treatment options.....

[Atypical_Disaster]

Living in fear of death is no way to live at all. I would suggest that you contact some kind of authority about this. Yous deserve better than this.