[CalmingOcean]

Okay, I have a lot of stuff to write out, I don't think this is the proper forum to do it in so I will just say the basics- Suffer from childhood trauma causing PTSD (I'm 30 now and had no idea until I was arrested 4 months ago and now going through therapy), also high anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember causing lots of self hate and blame, addiction, self harm (or SI) and eating disorders. Anyways, reason I'm here is that I now have had my first session with a trauma phycologist (guess they wanted to wait till the more serious addictions were in order before getting into this). She asked me some stuff about my past, and mentioned she would like to use EMDR therapy with me but that I need to 'stay with her' and can't 'dissociate'. Since I had no idea what she meant (okay, I am not completely oblivious, I know when things go far back. Don't like to discuss my mind tends to wander and I can't stay focused on the topic, I also can be mid-sentence in a conversation and then completely forget what I was saying or going with that thought). But when she first asked if I dissociate I told her I didn't know what that meant- she asked about the outer body experience.

Here is where I'm confused. I thought it was some Godly thing, or when people die they say they have an out of body experience, so I said no, no nothing like that. But then I actually started paying attention to. Yield, and my actions and what I do, and maybe I do. I've been suicidal in the past, I thought I was over it, pretty sure I am (just a time period when all this began 4 months ago, had a bit of a breakdown and said that my son would probably be better off without a mom than with a crazy one... And I quite strongly believed it at the time) anyways, I can't stop getting thoughts out of my head, of how to really hurt myself. It is a HUGE pull, I don't know why I am so obsessed with that particular image, but I do realize I am totally just spaced out in that moment staring ......

But that's all I got for out of body that I know of, or have within the last 5 days picked up on.

I thought everyone lost track of time and thoughts, I know I am overly forgetful, almost frighteningly forgetful, but I just thought it was me and my bad memory... Maybe too many drugs back in the day.

I'm not trying to make light of it, though sometimes in therapy sessions I find I do. Ugh, I don't know. I have been trying to see if I relate to anyone but it's not like I say, oh hey otherself, how you doing in there. I just always felt like there was two me's and I just want to be the one I like...

Know what I mean?

[Kiya]

I think (personal opinion) she used the wrong wording "Out of body". A true OBE (out of body experience) is different than what it seems you are talking about. Though they can also happen during trauma or during remembering trauma, dissociation is slightly different in that you are... not aware of the body? disconnected from it? or from the mind? The mind "floats" away when things get too uncomfortable or too close to an unwanted topic. Does that make sense?
Often in an actual OBE, the person is above themselves and can see themselves down below or somewhere. I used to "hang out" in the upper corner of the ceiling when i was out of body. Turns out, so did my mom as a kid.
The time loss, forgetfullness, spacing out can all be part of dissociating (not that that is the only reason for those things).
Often people can have a sense of "two me's" as well, without it being dissociative identity disorder. Really, humans are very complex - more than we'd like to think, and especially when we've had trauma.
Really, only time will tell on this one. If you are forgetting or 'spacing out' in therapy, it is likely that your mind is trying to protect you. We are only allowed to know information when we are 'ready' to know it. The brain is an amazing thing.
Best to you!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Okay, I have a lot of stuff to write out, I don't think this is the proper forum to do it in so I will just say the basics- Suffer from childhood trauma causing PTSD (I'm 30 now and had no idea until I was arrested 4 months ago and now going through therapy), also high anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember causing lots of self hate and blame, addiction, self harm (or SI) and eating disorders. Anyways, reason I'm here is that I now have had my first session with a trauma phycologist (guess they wanted to wait till the more serious addictions were in order before getting into this). She asked me some stuff about my past, and mentioned she would like to use EMDR therapy with me but that I need to 'stay with her' and can't 'dissociate'. Since I had no idea what she meant (okay, I am not completely oblivious, I know when things go far back. Don't like to discuss my mind tends to wander and I can't stay focused on the topic, I also can be mid-sentence in a conversation and then completely forget what I was saying or going with that thought). But when she first asked if I dissociate I told her I didn't know what that meant- she asked about the outer body experience.

Here is where I'm confused. I thought it was some Godly thing, or when people die they say they have an out of body experience, so I said no, no nothing like that. But then I actually started paying attention to. Yield, and my actions and what I do, and maybe I do. I've been suicidal in the past, I thought I was over it, pretty sure I am (just a time period when all this began 4 months ago, had a bit of a breakdown and said that my son would probably be better off without a mom than with a crazy one... And I quite strongly believed it at the time) anyways, I can't stop getting thoughts out of my head, of how to really hurt myself. It is a HUGE pull, I don't know why I am so obsessed with that particular image, but I do realize I am totally just spaced out in that moment staring ......

But that's all I got for out of body that I know of, or have within the last 5 days picked up on.

I thought everyone lost track of time and thoughts, I know I am overly forgetful, almost frighteningly forgetful, but I just thought it was me and my bad memory... Maybe too many drugs back in the day.

I'm not trying to make light of it, though sometimes in therapy sessions I find I do. Ugh, I don't know. I have been trying to see if I relate to anyone but it's not like I say, oh hey otherself, how you doing in there. I just always felt like there was two me's and I just want to be the one I like...

Know what I mean?

yes there are many different types of out of body experiences...

the godly type and the dying out of body type and there is also the dissociative type where during trauma a person can mentally float up near the ceiling, or other place in the room or even like I did sink into the walls, mattress so that I would not be able to feel the abuse but could just watch from a distance. Dissociative type out of body experience is actually quite common, just about every treatment book, autobiographical book by treatment providers and survivors of trauma have documented this kind of dissociative out of body experience. mind you not everyone can dissociate to this degree. but it is a well documented and quite common situation.

this kind of out of body experience happens to many different degrees/levels because there are many different degrees/levels of dissociation. theres the normal depth/level right on through to the abnormal depths/levels. your treatment provider is probably trying to assess what your depth/level of dissociation is. what ever that is, that you dissociate to thats ok and is treatable.

and yes everyone on a normal level does have/experience time loss. the type of time loss with dissociative problems is a special kind. keep working with your treatment providers and again you will know what depths/levels and whether the type of time loss you have is normal or any one of the mental and physical health problems that share the symptom of time loss.