[innocentjoy]

I had a very upsetting experience on Thursday. I think I dealt with it well, but wondered what others might think.

I had a new memory come up, and my go to is to call a crisis line and tell them about it. Not because I need to be counseled through it but because I need someone to hear it so that it doesn't feel like a shameful secret. This gives my younger parts more power than when it was all happening, and helps me to calm down.

So Thursday I had one come up and called a crisis line. It was out of my area but I've been encouraged to use it in the past. The line is run by a shelter/agency supporting women who have experienced abuse. The lady who answered recognized my voice from a call a few weeks ago and asked if it was me and did I have multiple personalities. I told her it was and she said she wasn't comfortable to talk to me, because she wasn't a qualified therapist. I told her I didn't need a therapist I just needed someone to listen buy she wouldn't talk to me and told me I needed to call a mental health line.

For the first time in my life I got upset, on the phone to her, and asked to speak to her supervisor. I did very well at not being rude buy making it clear I was upset with her. She told me her supervisor would give me a call and then started to care about my feelings. I ended the conversation and had to call another crisis line because of this call.

Later that night I wrote a letter to the supervisor (I found her email online) and emailed it off. I didn't want her to only hear the worker's side of the conversation and I didn't want to leave it over the weekend in case I calmed down and wasn't as assertive ( I tend to be fairly passive in real life). In the letter I reminded them that it's against the law to refuse services based on a real or perceived diagnosis. If I'd been calling and needed help with my diagnosis and she didn't know how to counsel me through it that would have been a different story and I could see her referring me on. But I didn't need Amy help with dissociation at all. I'm really upset by this.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? How did you handle them, and what would you do in my instance? I didn't threaten or accuse anyone of breaking the law, or attack anyone personally. I just made it clear that it wasn't okay. I'm just really tired of people being afraid to talk to me because of my diagnosis, or not listening to what I actually need.

The other call I'd made before was one where I'd switched and my five year old was asking them to talk to me about everyday topics to help me switch back. It's the fastest way to do it as those are conversations that I perform and it tricks my brain back into thinking like an adult. That time again, this lady, and then the therapist she put me through to, wouldn't listen or believe that that's all I needed. Instead what would have taken two or three minutes ended up taking over am hour because they tried to make her talk about emotional issues.

Sorry for ranting, I'm just not very impressed. How do others assert themselves in treatment, and get the help they need? Am I just weird for knowing specific strategies and wanting to use them before trying other ways??
IJ

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

I had a very upsetting experience on Thursday. I think I dealt with it well, but wondered what others might think.

I had a new memory come up, and my go to is to call a crisis line and tell them about it. Not because I need to be counseled through it but because I need someone to hear it so that it doesn't feel like a shameful secret. This gives my younger parts more power than when it was all happening, and helps me to calm down.

So Thursday I had one come up and called a crisis line. It was out of my area but I've been encouraged to use it in the past. The line is run by a shelter/agency supporting women who have experienced abuse. The lady who answered recognized my voice from a call a few weeks ago and asked if it was me and did I have multiple personalities. I told her it was and she said she wasn't comfortable to talk to me, because she wasn't a qualified therapist. I told her I didn't need a therapist I just needed someone to listen buy she wouldn't talk to me and told me I needed to call a mental health line.

For the first time in my life I got upset, on the phone to her, and asked to speak to her supervisor. I did very well at not being rude buy making it clear I was upset with her. She told me her supervisor would give me a call and then started to care about my feelings. I ended the conversation and had to call another crisis line because of this call.

Later that night I wrote a letter to the supervisor (I found her email online) and emailed it off. I didn't want her to only hear the worker's side of the conversation and I didn't want to leave it over the weekend in case I calmed down and wasn't as assertive ( I tend to be fairly passive in real life). In the letter I reminded them that it's against the law to refuse services based on a real or perceived diagnosis. If I'd been calling and needed help with my diagnosis and she didn't know how to counsel me through it that would have been a different story and I could see her referring me on. But I didn't need Amy help with dissociation at all. I'm really upset by this.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? How did you handle them, and what would you do in my instance? I didn't threaten or accuse anyone of breaking the law, or attack anyone personally. I just made it clear that it wasn't okay. I'm just really tired of people being afraid to talk to me because of my diagnosis, or not listening to what I actually need.

The other call I'd made before was one where I'd switched and my five year old was asking them to talk to me about everyday topics to help me switch back. It's the fastest way to do it as those are conversations that I perform and it tricks my brain back into thinking like an adult. That time again, this lady, and then the therapist she put me through to, wouldn't listen or believe that that's all I needed. Instead what would have taken two or three minutes ended up taking over am hour because they tried to make her talk about emotional issues.

Sorry for ranting, I'm just not very impressed. How do others assert themselves in treatment, and get the help they need? Am I just weird for knowing specific strategies and wanting to use them before trying other ways??
IJ

I dont know about canada but here in america its not considered discrimination for a person working a crisis line to tell the caller they dont feel comfortable talking with them because the crisis line worker is not a qualified therapist. its actually part of the training that volunteers get before they start manning the lines on how to handle situations that they dont feel comfortable with or otherwise have trouble handling. short version is that if a crisis center worker questions their own abilities and continues with that caller then the workers own insecurities and inability to handle a set type of caller/calls that can transmit through to the caller, which can end up causing the caller to become worse/ do more harm to the caller. so Training for working on crisis centers here where I live and work teach the crisis line workers to be honest with the caller and ask them to either call back or they can have another crisis line worker who is better equipped to handle the caller and the callers problems.

you stated you had called the line before when you had dissociated into other alters. that in itself if you were here in my location says someone more qualified may be needed.. dissociating into alters is unpredictable. example if I had called in your situation of just needing someone to talk with me to hear my new memory, reciting that new memory could trigger a response inside me to where I would have dissociated into an alter just by the person on the other end saying one of my trigger words, and of course since the person on the phone doesnt know what words would trigger me into dissociating more, that worker runs the risk of making me dissociate during the retelling of a new memory.

my point is that if this had happened here in NY it would be called discrimination what the crisis worker did. it would have been the right thing and part of her training so that she wouldnt be doing more harm then good to the caller.

my suggestion is that since the crisis line workers have a right to say they are not qualified to work with you when you call them, maybe you can contact your treatment providers and set up an emergency plan of what you can do when you need someone to listen to your new memories...some people speak into a tape recorder, or video tape it, others I know write it down or email it. some treatment providers here in NY also have answering machines/voicemail that is ok to call and leave a message. On rare occasions some treatment providers allow their clients to call them when this kind of thing is happening......there are lots of different ways to get this need met so that you can have someone who will listen to your new memories. your treatment provider can help you figure out some options that will fit your special needs.

[Kiya]

I think you handled it very well. I have had crisis lines actually say to me "What do you want me to do about it?" :O Serious? You're the trained pro, you tell me!! Some get snooty or just want to call an ambulance on me rather than listen. I don't think they understand the importance of just being heard. Thankfully our local line is getting training from another county who is MUCH better at it (but they won't take calls from my county "Well, you're not in this county, so I can't talk to you", even when I was in that county in a day treatment program before. "Well, I'll talk to you just this once because you were in that program." Gee thanks.)
I think simply that humans find it hard to be human and find their compassion. I guess I can kind of understand from the gal's persective of "I don't feel capable in this situation", but then it is her duty to transfer you to someone who is more capable.
Evdiently I keep getting the same gal any time I call, too. she's getting better at this, I must say. The first time i got her, I was with my mom at a hospital and totally triggered. The gal on the line had said to me "Well how do you usually calm down?" (I get asked that a lot - hello! if i KNEW, i wouldn't have to call!) then said "Well i can tell you about 500 ways to calm down - which one do you want to do?" Then she named one and told me to practice it and call back if i needed, then hung up. :O I mean, it's in the middle of the night, I'm hyperventlating in my car in the parking lot, trying to stay safe and get calm. But then I've had one crisis line worker say to me "Well if you haven't done it yet then you're not going to." Mental health help really needs an upgrade.

[ThisWayOut]

I think you handeled it well. I would not/have not done anything about it other than be more upset when something like that happens to me. I have called crisis lines before with specific requests for how to help me ground, or how to help me stay safe in the moment. I have had crisis lines hang up on me, citing that they were there for suicidal crisis only (despite the fact that their website and literature all says "any" emotional crisis). I never did anything about it through, just either called somewhere else, or stewed in my crisis alone. It's awsome that you were able to assert yourself in this situation... I'm sorry it came up though.