Integration or Not?

My t said to me "We aren't going to try to integrate," just get more knowledge and cooperation between parts."

Can anybody tell me why my t would say this? What are the pros and cons of integrating? Is it better to integrate or not?

Dear Fellow Survivor,

May I share with you that you have a very wise Therapist. I am so glad there are some out there whose end all aim is to understand the separate parts rather than just throw them all together in a lump called intregation.
The Doctor and trauma specialist who diagnosed my D.I.D. and PTSD really stressed the importance of not rushing into so-called intregration of the parts. He said that one can live together in unity with all their split parts if each one is acknowledged, accepted and the pain they hold is validated. With this done it is possible to address whatever they took on in order to preserve the life of the core person - me/you.
Although I have over 700 alternate personalities from ages 3 to 36, ninety-eight percent of them have been addressed and found personal healing for all the pain, filth and horrors they held on my behalf. I have truly been blessed with extensive healing, peace and unity within this inner family of D.I.D. There has never been any intregation of parts outside of resolving their personal issues/pain and joining me in living. They have been freed from the horrific past they carried, Praise be to God!

I hope this can in some way help and encourage you in your healing journey. How I would love to hear from you again. Always be assured there is hope. Give your T a chance to know and understand your individual parts, as there are many who would not care that much. I allowed my parts to journal when they came up or were triggered, and in this way my doctor/therapist learned to know my inner parts.
May God richly bless you on your healing journey. The following D.I.D. poem is for you.

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER

The Lord, Creator of mankind, has fully planned, designed the mind:
Techniques He gave – life to advance- dissociation gives a chance.
So often it’s misunderstood, thought of as “evil,” never “good;”
When misdiagnosed and treated wrong, then shattered lives can’t sing hope’s song.

When trauma’s vice becomes one’s fate, or when abuse will dominate,
A victim’s mind may helpless rend and split, as life it will defend.
As lightening rends the blackened sky, which helpless hangs midst storms so nigh:
Just so, the mind in anguished plight may split, as death it seeks to fight!

When perpetrators hurl with force abusive anguish vile and coarse,
Upon their victims, trapped and bound, without a friend or soul around:
There’s just so much the mind can take when life and sanity’s at stake-
The mind then sets survival stance before pained death is full advanced.

The mind then tears, beyond control, it’s physio-emotional-
A new identity sets up, who stores that pain in memory’s cup.
The host may oft be unaware of what each part in anguish shares;
Each day is filled with loss so grim and all the future’s hope is dim:

Because days, hours, months and weeks are oft unknown, so dark and bleak,
As vivid time loss overrules these pained survivors in shame’s pool;
Past, present, future’s just a haze of dim reality and maze,
Black hopelessness looms ever near: for few do know the anguish here.

Dissociation’s a device God gave the mind, though high its price,
But it allows one to survive- though great its pain, keeps them alive;
Dissociation is a route God gave the mind, there is no doubt,
To use midst trauma’s tragedy- escaping death – now life’s for me!

KH. RoseofSharon

integration is like anything else here in the USA. some treatment providers prefer doing things one way and other prefer doing things another way. some providers define integration one way and others define it another way....

example

my present treatment providers believe in the wholeness approach meaning everything is unified... that integration is just the natural process of human being naturally combining things together....people do this every day with all kinds of things /situations with out realizing it...

a sandwich is the integration of bread and something to put in the middle of it.

Adding their finances is another example of integrating more than one bill together to find out how much you owe, buying more than one item together, music is the integration of vocals and instruments to form an enjoyable product....

theres even the integration on a cellular level where cells divide and combine to form plants, animals, human beings...

my point is my treatment providers beliefs are that integration is the whole process....entering therapy, working out your problems, as your problems get solved and learn tools to handle those problems the alters just naturally merge together to form one whole person once they and their jobs are no longer needed.

Another treatment provider I know here in the city believes integration is something that must happen in order for that person to be healed.

Another treatment provider I know here in the city believes a person chooses to integrate or not.

Another treatment provider I know here in the city believes there is no choosing, it just happens or it doesnt.

my point is your treatment providers look at it one way and others may look at the issue another way. it doesnt mean one way is right or wrong. it just means thats what they think will work best for you.

for me it wasnt a choice to integrate or not, as I gained stability and healing, learned how to take care of myself and my problems the alters and their jobs were no longer needed so they just merged with me to become one whole person again the way I was before the trauma that caused me to be DID. the pros is that now I am functioning like a normal human being with out alters taking control. I am the one in control of my life, job, family interactions....rather than ending up in the hospitals due to alters taking control and unsafe situations happening. Another pro is that I have two beautiful children I would not have if I was still DID. switching into alters is uncontrollable and unpredictable, a chaotic life I had hard enough time taking care of myself and keeping myself safe I would never bring a child into that mix of chaos, unpredictability and possible danger. I mean one second I would be at work the next trying to jump off a bridge to kill myself, one second I would be home and the next become aware in a bar.. back then my life wasnt my own and I wasnt able to control what went one. it was controlled by the alters taking over every time I encountered something triggering / or something I was not able to handle.

Maybe she meant for the time being. I have some consciousnesses between parts but not between groups. I have three groups and often I don't know what another group member talked about in session. I used to think we all were aware of each other but not so. The parts in one group seem to know about each other but the groups don't know others outside their group. This started to change during therapy but my t also thought that we didn't have enough consciousnesses to integrate at this time. Maybe down the road.

I was recently diagnosed with DID and PTSD and really had no idea though it makes sense in hind sight. When I first discovered alters in therapy; first I felt it was me against them; a lot of them are children who are very manipulative. Now I feel more of a "we." And a need to protect and nurture. The children anyway. The thought of integration makes me feel hopeful but also scared. I don't want to abandon these children. They dont like it either. I also don't want to stay shattered. I would like to be whole....whoever "I" am. The host?? Eeesh. This is so new and overwhelming.

My T said the same thing. Co operation some co consciousness and safety are the main objectives with me. Not everyone needs to or wants to integrate. If you can function without integrating, be safe and have co operation amoung alters, that sounds good to me. Everyone is different, so my opinion is only for me.
Do what feels right to you and all inside.

Rose of Sharon,

Your poem is absolutely beautiful and amazing. . .thank you for sharing it!

Thanks everybody for sharing your own experiences and thoughts. It makes sense to me that each person is different, and integration may be more suitable for some people than others. This helps me understand things so much better. Thanks!!