[CalmingOcean]

Okay, so I am through appointment #4 with trauma T, and tho I explained to her (incase she was leaning towards DID) that I don't have named people inside me, it's all just me in there so I really don't think I am DID, but then, later in the appointment she mentioned (after explaining last session about how trauma causes you to split yourself into parts and the unfragmented self etc etc) but she mentioned it is the little 'Oceans' (little me's) that are the protectors, the ones that want to keep the secret the ones that fought hard to keep it a secret... I never thought of it that way. I thought the little me would be the one to want to tell. I dissociate on a really high level, I snap through hyper arousal and hypo in a blink of an eye, but I can't seem to get my head wrapped around these different 'parts'. I know I have. I know I forget. But I don't think I forget when a different part comes out.

T told me to stay off the forums... But I can't help it. She won't tell me more and I am curious and feel almost consumed we needing to know and reading different reports etc.

Sorry, this is kinda all over the place.

[possum220]

Just take a journey on your visits with your T. I do have DID and I have many different voices that actually come out of my mouth. They don't have names either.

You will find out during sessions with your T who is most likely to co-operate and who isn't. There isn't any standard response that you cant fit into a book.

Relax and see where things take you. It does sound like your T knows what they are doing.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Okay, so I am through appointment #4 with trauma T, and tho I explained to her (incase she was leaning towards DID) that I don't have named people inside me, it's all just me in there so I really don't think I am DID, but then, later in the appointment she mentioned (after explaining last session about how trauma causes you to split yourself into parts and the unfragmented self etc etc) but she mentioned it is the little 'Oceans' (little me's) that are the protectors, the ones that want to keep the secret the ones that fought hard to keep it a secret... I never thought of it that way. I thought the little me would be the one to want to tell. I dissociate on a really high level, I snap through hyper arousal and hypo in a blink of an eye, but I can't seem to get my head wrapped around these different 'parts'. I know I have. I know I forget. But I don't think I forget when a different part comes out.

T told me to stay off the forums... But I can't help it. She won't tell me more and I am curious and feel almost consumed we needing to know and reading different reports etc.

Sorry, this is kinda all over the place.

maybe this will help you wrap your head around this...

lets throw the diagnosis to the side for a minute and check out a "parts" concept called.... inner child.

this is a therapy approach that says everyone regardless of mental disorder, physical challenges has parts of their self. these parts show their self in a special way....

everyone has times when they feel like a child (want to cry, throw a temper tantrum, lash out at others.)

everyone has times when they feel so happy like they did as a child on christmas morning opening their christmas presents or celebrating other important holiday's, birthdays....

everyone has times when they are feeling extremely nervous or other emotions like they did when they were a child...

these feelings associated with when the person was a child is in therapy terms called getting in touch with their inner child parts.

now let me give you an example...

Last night my dog got hit by a car pulling out of a drive way. She is ok, but when that happened I felt like I did when my childhood pet died. I felt sick to my stomach, scared and wanted to cry, just like I felt back when I was a child. I was in touch with those child feelings, in other words my inner child was showing itself.

another example ...

some time ago I was taking a college exam. Suddenly I felt like I was back in elementary school taking a final exam. my therapist told me that another part of me (my inner child) was on the surface.

These inner child (otherwise known as parts of self) can happen to anyone no matter if the person has a mental disorder or not.

now lets bring back the diagnosis DID. DID is just an extension of this where the inner parts of self have literally evolved into alternate personalities. where the parts of self have their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being.

sometimes these parts of selves hold trauma memories, sometimes they hold emotions, some may hold events, ...sometimes they have names sometimes they do not have names.

Example my alternate personality Rainy held my depression moods, Red held my anger, Thelma my sexuality, .... others held other memories, emotions, trauma's, events for me, some of my alternate personalities had names some did not.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by possum220

Just take a journey on your visits with your T. I do have DID and I have many different voices that actually come out of my mouth. They don't have names either.

You will find out during sessions with your T who is most likely to co-operate and who isn't. There isn't any standard response that you cant fit into a book.

Relax and see where things take you. It does sound like your T knows what they are doing.

*sigh* I want to think I do... The stronger part of me does, I think. Trust T I mean. But Gos. I am just wrapping my head around how much of life I have missed out on by 'not being in my body'

I also have a (nearly) 2 year old son, who for the life of me I don't want to pass down any of these stupid things to him, if he can't have a happy normal childhood then this is all for not. I always thought I was a great mom, the one person in the world I could love like I never thought possible, and imagine my horror when I realize just how much I dissociate with hm!! Ai yi yi. Just continue the stupid cycle, so stupid, that is the one thing I said all along I never would do.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

maybe this will help you wrap your head around this...

lets throw the diagnosis to the side for a minute and check out a "parts" concept called.... inner child.

this is a therapy approach that says everyone regardless of mental disorder, physical challenges has parts of their self. these parts show their self in a special way....

everyone has times when they feel like a child (want to cry, throw a temper tantrum, lash out at others.)

everyone has times when they feel so happy like they did as a child on christmas morning opening their christmas presents or celebrating other important holiday's, birthdays....

everyone has times when they are feeling extremely nervous or other emotions like they did when they were a child...

these feelings associated with when the person was a child is in therapy terms called getting in touch with their inner child parts.

now let me give you an example...

Last night my dog got hit by a car pulling out of a drive way. She is ok, but when that happened I felt like I did when my childhood pet died. I felt sick to my stomach, scared and wanted to cry, just like I felt back when I was a child. I was in touch with those child feelings, in other words my inner child was showing itself.

another example ...

some time ago I was taking a college exam. Suddenly I felt like I was back in elementary school taking a final exam. my therapist told me that another part of me (my inner child) was on the surface.

These inner child (otherwise known as parts of self) can happen to anyone no matter if the person has a mental disorder or not.

now lets bring back the diagnosis DID. DID is just an extension of this where the inner parts of self have literally evolved into alternate personalities. where the parts of self have their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being.

sometimes these parts of selves hold trauma memories, sometimes they hold emotions, some may hold events, ...sometimes they have names sometimes they do not have names.

Example my alternate personality Rainy held my depression moods, Red held my anger, Thelma my sexuality, .... others held other memories, emotions, trauma's, events for me, some of my alternate personalities had names some did not.

*sigh* it's all so confusing. For so long I couldn't wrap my head around other peoples way of thinking, and as it turns out my way of thinking was all f*#% up I think.

I'm glad your dog was okay. Our dog was hit by a car a year ago now, she had to get plates on her pelvis, but today you would never know she was almost dead!mthey bounce back so well!!

[ThisWayOut]

For me, it's not so much "who"is more likely to cooperate, but what side of me feels most trusting of my t and is able to come about in the moment. I'm not DID, but I do have a very compartmentalizeD concept of myself. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but probably similar to you from your description.
I've found it best to just go with the flow of things and let therapy take on its own form. I have yet to try to explain this all to new t, but I will do a thread for that in a few.
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with this around your son. Sometimes the things that make us happiest can also scare us on some level. I know a huge fear of mine is dissociation when with my heart niece and nephew. I've asked my wife to always be there with me when they are asking because I don't want to skip out and either do something stupid or simply not be around when they need supervision (they are 4 and 5)...
Sending support your way.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

For me, it's not so much "who"is more likely to cooperate, but what side of me feels most trusting of my t and is able to come about in the moment. I'm not DID, but I do have a very compartmentalizeD concept of myself. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but probably similar to you from your description.
I've found it best to just go with the flow of things and let therapy take on its own form. I have yet to try to explain this all to new t, but I will do a thread for that in a few.
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with this around your son. Sometimes the things that make us happiest can also scare us on some level. I know a huge fear of mine is dissociation when with my heart niece and nephew. I've asked my wife to always be there with me when they are asking because I don't want to skip out and either do something stupid or simply not be around when they need supervision (they are 4 and 5)...
Sending support your way.

I just read your new thread but didn't want to write this there as it's not entirely answering your question, but oh my God- that is exactly me! Is that a 'thing'. I have been going crazy tryng to figure it all out!!

It is so hard. My T didn't want to deal with hyperarousal Ocean yesterday and ended early... But I couldn't pull myself out of it. I was my hyper, happy overly confident self (I have no self confidence, like seriously, it's in the toilet, so when I can feel that side I reeeeeally like it... But, not good for therapy).

[ThisWayOut]

I'm the same way in terms of self-confidence. I have none most fo the time, but once in a while someone can convince me I'm good at something, and I will roll with it for a bit.
Can you describe the hyperarousal a bit? I think I get that way at times, and I associate it with my brain and body needing to balance out after a really tough time, or a really heavy depression. One T questioned if it was hypomanic, but because I did not feel like I could take on the world, just had more energy for the moment, she backed away from that assessment. Do you have any info on the hyperarousal? or is it just how you identify that state of being? That's another thing I probablly have to explain to my T the next time I see her. 2 weeks ago I was in that happy-can't-stop blabbering-on-need-to-tell-her-everything state, and I think she was thrown for a loop a bit...
As for whether or not this really separated way of being is a "thing", I believe in the past if fell under DDNOS, but that has changed with the new DSM. It seems the APA (who puts out the DSM's) is not up with the current global trends of trauma treatment, but indicidual groups of clinicians in the US are picking up on different ways to approach it. I just think that the focus has been other stuff lately here unless there is a specific push to work with trauma-informed treatment. It's picking up though, so maybe there will be more discussions around what that all should look like. I kinda read more into that website that someone else linked to in your other thread. It make sense to me. I think it describes this segmented self pretty well.
do you think it would help you to let your T know about those hyperarousal states, so she is not so quick to dismiss you during them? Maybe telling her what you mentioned above could help?

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm the same way in terms of self-confidence. I have none most fo the time, but once in a while someone can convince me I'm good at something, and I will roll with it for a bit.
Can you describe the hyperarousal a bit? I think I get that way at times, and I associate it with my brain and body needing to balance out after a really tough time, or a really heavy depression. One T questioned if it was hypomanic, but because I did not feel like I could take on the world, just had more energy for the moment, she backed away from that assessment. Do you have any info on the hyperarousal? or is it just how you identify that state of being? That's another thing I probablly have to explain to my T the next time I see her. 2 weeks ago I was in that happy-can't-stop blabbering-on-need-to-tell-her-everything state, and I think she was thrown for a loop a bit...
As for whether or not this really separated way of being is a "thing", I believe in the past if fell under DDNOS, but that has changed with the new DSM. It seems the APA (who puts out the DSM's) is not up with the current global trends of trauma treatment, but indicidual groups of clinicians in the US are picking up on different ways to approach it. I just think that the focus has been other stuff lately here unless there is a specific push to work with trauma-informed treatment. It's picking up though, so maybe there will be more discussions around what that all should look like. I kinda read more into that website that someone else linked to in your other thread. It make sense to me. I think it describes this segmented self pretty well.
do you think it would help you to let your T know about those hyperarousal states, so she is not so quick to dismiss you during them? Maybe telling her what you mentioned above could help?

Well here is the really funny thing, SHE is the one who told me about it!! If you see my post in the psychotherapy I explain it a bit about the hyper/hypo and a nifty link to explain. It's all tide in to the 'window of tolerance '. It's super interesting and explains why at the stupidest of times I get so elated and 'high' I always just said it was my natural high haha. But with that comes huge lows as well (hypo arousal). I think your blobby state would of been in the hyper arosal.

[ThisWayOut]

thanks. I will try to find that thread again