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Old Sep 09, 2014, 07:51 PM
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innocentjoy innocentjoy is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 285
So basically I just need to vent a bit...

I had an apt with my t today, who was away for six weeks on vacation. The apt before he left was the worst I've ever had, and I dissociated very badly, along with switching constantly for a week after, and it was a full month before I'd gained some balance back.

Today I told him that I'd considered quitting but I wanted to try and work it out. I didn't feel listened to at all the entire time, and am getting the feeling that he's too busy trying to rush through my treatment so he can retire to actually listen yo me and hear me.

He does EMDR and is covered by government health insurance, very rare for where I live. It has been very helpful in the past, hence me wanting to work it through. But I think it's not going to work.

I hate the fact that being poor and unable to work makes it so difficult to find a therapist to help me heal so I can go back to work. I hate how no one seems to know how to treat dissociative disorders in my area, except for one agency where they offer time limited service only. I hate how I'm the one bringing new resource ideas to my treatment team and they never seem to come up with new ideas for me. I hate how tired I am all the time, trying to juggle services, issues and supports, and feel like I can't catch a break. I hate feeling like no one in my regular life understands my issues. I hate feeling like people think there's something wrong with me because I switch parts, and like I will only be normal (ugh, that word!) If I completely integrate. Just because I switch, it doesn't mean I'm defective.

Wow, sorry that was so self-pitying and pathetic sounding. I'm just tired and feeling beaten down tonight. I apologize for the crazy rant, I'm just tired of feeling so misunderstood...

IJ
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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
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  #2  
Old Sep 10, 2014, 12:10 AM
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lozza89 lozza89 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
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Not many words but am thinking of you
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  #3  
Old Sep 12, 2014, 12:18 AM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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I hear ya! On all of it!!!! No answers, but holding those same burdens where I live. All I can say is be strong. (Easier said than done, I know).
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  #4  
Old Sep 12, 2014, 08:06 AM
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innocentjoy innocentjoy is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 285
Aw, thanks you guys. Sometimes it helps just to feel heard
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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
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