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#1
Sep 09, 2014, 07:51 PM
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So basically I just need to vent a bit...
I had an apt with my t today, who was away for six weeks on vacation. The apt before he left was the worst I've ever had, and I dissociated very badly, along with switching constantly for a week after, and it was a full month before I'd gained some balance back. Today I told him that I'd considered quitting but I wanted to try and work it out. I didn't feel listened to at all the entire time, and am getting the feeling that he's too busy trying to rush through my treatment so he can retire to actually listen yo me and hear me. He does EMDR and is covered by government health insurance, very rare for where I live. It has been very helpful in the past, hence me wanting to work it through. But I think it's not going to work. I hate the fact that being poor and unable to work makes it so difficult to find a therapist to help me heal so I can go back to work. I hate how no one seems to know how to treat dissociative disorders in my area, except for one agency where they offer time limited service only. I hate how I'm the one bringing new resource ideas to my treatment team and they never seem to come up with new ideas for me. I hate how tired I am all the time, trying to juggle services, issues and supports, and feel like I can't catch a break. I hate feeling like no one in my regular life understands my issues. I hate feeling like people think there's something wrong with me because I switch parts, and like I will only be normal (ugh, that word!) If I completely integrate. Just because I switch, it doesn't mean I'm defective. Wow, sorry that was so self-pitying and pathetic sounding. I'm just tired and feeling beaten down tonight. I apologize for the crazy rant, I'm just tired of feeling so misunderstood... IJ
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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” ― Mary Anne Radmacher |
 alk2601, Anonymous43209, bluekoi, ChildlikeEmpress, Kiya, lozza89, possum220, ThisWayOut
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#2
Sep 10, 2014, 12:10 AM
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Not many words but am thinking of you
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"...sometimes the only way to see the light at the end of the tunnel, is to crawl through the mud in darkness." ~ Rachel Reiland - get me out of here ~ |
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#3
Sep 12, 2014, 12:18 AM
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I hear ya! On all of it!!!! No answers, but holding those same burdens where I live. All I can say is be strong. (Easier said than done, I know).
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#4
Sep 12, 2014, 08:06 AM
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Aw, thanks you guys. Sometimes it helps just to feel heard
__________________
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.” ― Mary Anne Radmacher |
| lozza89
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