[HighDemands]

Hi everyone
I am hoping you can help me with understanding what's going on with me.I'd really appreciate your taking the time to read all of this.

Is this common with DID or does this seem more like Bipolar:
-Impulsive laughing without a specific cause.
-Impulsive and unconscious talking to yourself.
-Episodes of being selectively mute, silent sadness, chronic feelings of emptiness and worthlessness, suicidal tendencies, chronic apathy, and major depressive symptoms that last for months.
-Followed by episodes of hyper-activity, and taking a sudden interest in life, obsessiveness about taking care of yourself and extreme elevated moods.
-Crashing down with excessive angry, arguing for no reason and not ceasing the arguments even when the other side has retreated, horrible temper, extreme mood swings, destructive thoughts, hating everyone even children, huge distrust of others, and very high irritability.
-Being deeply indulged in one activity then completely abandoning it, and then returning to it again and so on.
-Social withdrawal. I only have one friend and I don't even own a cell phone.
-Selective mutism.
-Avoiding eye contact.
-Episodes of extreme self-loathing, then self-indulgence.
-Spacing out and feeling blank most of the time.
-Spending excessive time twisting hair strands while thinking about nothing.
-Having trouble speaking clearly.
-Voice changes a lot. In tone and pitch.
-Mega-delayed reactions. Episodes of being immune to anger or provocation and then being highly provoked.
-Having a very hard time in remembering childhood, and even then it feels like it was someone else.
-Taking care of yourself too much then not taking care of yourself at all. Even in public.
-Thinking that most people hate you or dislike you and imaging that they are laughing at you.
-Feeling like you don't belong or that your body is not yours.
-Feeling like something else, a spirit or entity is inhabiting and controlling your body and not you.
-Wandering in the streets for no reason. Finding yourself in place you didn't intend to go to.
-Under major stress suffers a mental break down, and starts hallucinating and saying things that don't make any sense. Also horrible panic attacks and screaming whilst choking and strangling yourself with a thin cable wire.
-Feeling like you're trapped and losing track of time.
-Taste in music drastically changes, I'll be listening to rock music for e.g. for a whole day then can't stop myself from trying to break the speakers if the same songs were on.
-Things are either VERY BAD or VERY GOOD, there's no in between.
-Weird gestures that are impulsive, and uncontrollable.
-Intimacy, abandonment and trust issues. It's impossible for me to get close to someone. I avoid romantic relationships at all costs, they are not my thing. I can't find a reason for this. But I haven't been in a relationship for all my life and still don't feel the need for one.
-Hate loud sounds and noise, bright lights and crowds.
-Still waters run deep, is always true in my case, I am most definitely *not* what I appear to be.
-And to be completely blunt, I have very hypocritical tendencies, some even misanthropic.

I don't know if I should add this but I have several different accounts on a certain website- it's a religious one- each of these accounts portray very different personalities, in fact they are polar opposites, one is a 'sweet, angel, that calls for love and forgiveness' the other is a very dark, and twisted one that likes to argue just for the sake of arguing and always has to be right. Now, I didn't think this was weird I thought that these were both a part of me and I wasn't even aware that they are different people until someone pointed out how different they are. I do not do this for fun, it's compulsive and involuntary. This was back in 2010, they see completely alien to me right now and I can't even fathom how I wrote all the stuff that I posted there. It's not bad or anything, it's just not me, I wouldn't express myself that way.

Again, on the outside I'm an extremely quiet,passive, reserved person and have a very polite and cordial exterior, though, ultimately my relationships are very superficial and do my best to not get emotionally involved with people whether romantically or in a platonic sense. I realize as I am re-reading this that I'm very, very messed up. Yikes!

These episodes occur periodically and may last for months to years.

ِAlso, my circumstances do not allow me to see a psychiatrist at the moment, so please bear that in mind.

My sister has bipolar type one. So maybe it's hereditary. But I thought I might ask this to get an opinion since I'm still kind of new to this and I always thought I was pretty normal until what recently happened made me rethink my current state. Thanks for taking the time and care to read all this, I really appreciate it.

Last note; I do *not* see or hear things that are not there. I do hear voices but they are inside my head, like racing thoughts.

Finally,thank you for reading this. I have to admit that it's really embarrassing disclosing all this about yourself, I have never been so open about myself, before it's hard to accept that you might have something going on but I guess it's for the best. Thanks again.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by HighDemands

Hi everyone
I am hoping you can help me with understanding what's going on with me.I'd really appreciate your taking the time to read all of this.

Is this common with DID or does this seem more like Bipolar:
-Impulsive laughing without a specific cause.
-Impulsive and unconscious talking to yourself.
-Episodes of being selectively mute, silent sadness, chronic feelings of emptiness and worthlessness, suicidal tendencies, chronic apathy, and major depressive symptoms that last for months.
-Followed by episodes of hyper-activity, and taking a sudden interest in life, obsessiveness about taking care of yourself and extreme elevated moods.
-Crashing down with excessive angry, arguing for no reason and not ceasing the arguments even when the other side has retreated, horrible temper, extreme mood swings, destructive thoughts, hating everyone even children, huge distrust of others, and very high irritability.
-Being deeply indulged in one activity then completely abandoning it, and then returning to it again and so on.
-Social withdrawal. I only have one friend and I don't even own a cell phone.
-Selective mutism.
-Avoiding eye contact.
-Episodes of extreme self-loathing, then self-indulgence.
-Spacing out and feeling blank most of the time.
-Spending excessive time twisting hair strands while thinking about nothing.
-Having trouble speaking clearly.
-Voice changes a lot. In tone and pitch.
-Mega-delayed reactions. Episodes of being immune to anger or provocation and then being highly provoked.
-Having a very hard time in remembering childhood, and even then it feels like it was someone else.
-Taking care of yourself too much then not taking care of yourself at all. Even in public.
-Thinking that most people hate you or dislike you and imaging that they are laughing at you.
-Feeling like you don't belong or that your body is not yours.
-Feeling like something else, a spirit or entity is inhabiting and controlling your body and not you.
-Wandering in the streets for no reason. Finding yourself in place you didn't intend to go to.
-Under major stress suffers a mental break down, and starts hallucinating and saying things that don't make any sense. Also horrible panic attacks and screaming whilst choking and strangling yourself with a thin cable wire.
-Feeling like you're trapped and losing track of time.
-Taste in music drastically changes, I'll be listening to rock music for e.g. for a whole day then can't stop myself from trying to break the speakers if the same songs were on.
-Things are either VERY BAD or VERY GOOD, there's no in between.
-Weird gestures that are impulsive, and uncontrollable.
-Intimacy, abandonment and trust issues. It's impossible for me to get close to someone. I avoid romantic relationships at all costs, they are not my thing. I can't find a reason for this. But I haven't been in a relationship for all my life and still don't feel the need for one.
-Hate loud sounds and noise, bright lights and crowds.
-Still waters run deep, is always true in my case, I am most definitely *not* what I appear to be.
-And to be completely blunt, I have very hypocritical tendencies, some even misanthropic.

I don't know if I should add this but I have several different accounts on a certain website- it's a religious one- each of these accounts portray very different personalities, in fact they are polar opposites, one is a 'sweet, angel, that calls for love and forgiveness' the other is a very dark, and twisted one that likes to argue just for the sake of arguing and always has to be right. Now, I didn't think this was weird I thought that these were both a part of me and I wasn't even aware that they are different people until someone pointed out how different they are. I do not do this for fun, it's compulsive and involuntary. This was back in 2010, they see completely alien to me right now and I can't even fathom how I wrote all the stuff that I posted there. It's not bad or anything, it's just not me, I wouldn't express myself that way.

Again, on the outside I'm an extremely quiet,passive, reserved person and have a very polite and cordial exterior, though, ultimately my relationships are very superficial and do my best to not get emotionally involved with people whether romantically or in a platonic sense. I realize as I am re-reading this that I'm very, very messed up. Yikes!

These episodes occur periodically and may last for months to years.

ِAlso, my circumstances do not allow me to see a psychiatrist at the moment, so please bear that in mind.

My sister has bipolar type one. So maybe it's hereditary. But I thought I might ask this to get an opinion since I'm still kind of new to this and I always thought I was pretty normal until what recently happened made me rethink my current state. Thanks for taking the time and care to read all this, I really appreciate it.

Last note; I do *not* see or hear things that are not there. I do hear voices but they are inside my head, like racing thoughts.

Finally,thank you for reading this. I have to admit that it's really embarrassing disclosing all this about yourself, I have never been so open about myself, before it's hard to accept that you might have something going on but I guess it's for the best. Thanks again.

bottom line for some people with bipolar disorder yes this is what happens
for some with DID yes this is what happens
for some with non bipolar problems and non DID problems yes this can happen
this can happen even with people who are completely normal or any number of mental or physical health problems

unfortunately we can not say which or even what this is with in you or those you know simply because our doing so could cause you or those you know more harm then good. what we can tell you is that if you google any of these problems you posted about you will find millions upon millions of things these symptoms/problems can be....

my suggestion if you really want to know what is going on and what these things add up to with in you, you will need to contact your own treatment providers or if you dont have a treatment provider look for one at any number of mental or physical health agencies in your off the computer location.

[Bipolartist]

Originally Posted by HighDemands

-Feeling like something else, a spirit or entity is inhabiting and controlling your body and not you.

Hello, HighDemands. I'm sorry I didn't see this thread until now. I'm new to PsychCentral. I'm diagnosed Bipolar 1, but exploring some dissociation issues with my therapist. Especially something that makes me feel as if I'm possessed.

Bipolar or having a true Dissociative Identity Disorder, they are very similar in my opinion and even having bipolar disorder can bring on some dissociative thinking when relating to your manic-depressive/bad side versus your stable side.

I don't know the reasons you can't go to a doctor, but I think it is necessary. I used to go to a free mental health place and they even had early morning and evening hours! I hope you're doing well. Can you give us an update?