[kaliope]

im trying to keep an alter from contacting t. i dont like bothering her or appearing needy. i felt like we had a tough session yesterday. tough in that i had two alters come out, one taking over on her own. i forget why t talked to the first one. her name is lucia. she is five. we were talking about me going to see the fireworks celebration new years eve and the anxiety attack i had last new years eve when i went. she talked about unsafe people and how i put us into unsafe situations (2 abusive relationships, csa and an abusive dad. i have been alone now 10 years) lucia got upset and just wanted to leave and t kept talking to her even though she said she could go. she was upset by this even though t was just telling her things trying to make her feel safe. we went on to talk about how this may be why i am agoraphobic, lucia is just trying to keep me out of harms way by not letting me interact with others. it went into the conversation of how we think people are bad and we cant trust them and this is why i dont really have friends. then, maggie took over on her own, the suicidal alter and was saying all kinds of bad things too me about how i needed to just die because it all wasnt worth it, people wernt worth it. i just spaced out. t didnt even ask what or who was there, just demanded that i come back. so now, yesterday i got home and my power was out. it was freezing without electricity. i posted to pc from my phone to the couple forums i am a regular in. i received many comments of support and concern. at 930 i got a text from a person i consider my best friend irl. she asked if i was ok. it made me feel really good that she was concerned. i responded back with what was going on and i never heard back from her. this really hurt me. it has lucia and maggie in a tizzy. it is evidence that people are bad. that they dont care. that i should trust. lucia wants to contact t and say "see, i told you people are bad, they cant be trusted, they dont really care." i know this is ridiculous. i just cant stop the voices in my head. i need to look at the fact i have my PC friends to support me.

[pegasus]

Hello kaliope, it sounds like you had a really tough therapy session yesterday and your alters felt safe enough to have a voice. Please let Lucia talk to T if she needs.