[Kiya]

At first I was really angry with Kathy for reblogging this, then realizing it wasn't hers, was really angry with the other site... but when we get right down to it, we DO have to look at what is keeping us stuck, because there are DD and DID people out there who DO get well... and if we haven't and it's been years, we really should be asking ourselves "Why haven't I?" I, too, have fallen into "This is impossible, it's hopeless, there is no cure for me, this is as good as it gets, I'm doomed...." But doing CBT thought records and so forth, seeing this posted today was like HELLO!!!! PAY ATTENTION!!!! So... don't shoot the messinger... give it a look - and then a closer look. Be as honest (me too) as we can be.

http://rockingcomplacency.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/mind-control-programming-basics-viii-examining-our-own-motivations/
ROCKING COMPLACENCY: MIND CONTROL
If asked the question directly, nobody who has been subjected to mind control programming would say they wanted to hold on to the effects of that programming. If asked directly, everyone would say they wanted to be free of it – and most of them would mean it.
Then why do so many of us find it so difficult to free ourselves from that influence, even when we really do want to?
As has already been discussed, the programmers contribute their share of obstacles by making it as difficult as they can. Naturally they don’t want all their work and effort to come undone at the slightest touch. They don’t want their work to be touched at all, and they make every effort to surround the programming with protective measures designed to discourage or (as they hope) prevent the dissociative system from being able to undo it.
Their controls can be circumvented – but not until we address one very important question. What about what we’re contributing to keeping the programming in place?
Believe it or not, getting past the programmers’ controls and protections is easy compared to getting past our own motivations for letting the programming remain. The obstacles planted from outside our selves are easier to see, easier to disclaim, and easier to remove than our own reasons for holding on to this negative artifact from the past. This is true mostly because – well, who wants to admit they have any reason to hold on to their programming? But we do have reasons. Every single one of us has them. They are strong enough to influence our choices and our decisions – but, standing in the light of day, they look foolish, petty, shameful, and embarrassing – so we hide them, from the world and from ourselves.
In this post, I will mention some of the general things I have recognized as posing obstacles to approaching and undoing programming. Subsequently, I will focus more specifically on the obstacles I have had to overcome myself.
* * * * * *
Although the details differ among individuals, there are two main categories into which most of these personal motivations appear to fall: fear of normalcy and fear of loss.
A fear of normalcy might seem ridiculous, but how many of us really know how to live a so-called normal life?
How much of our lives have been defined to date by the triggered reactions, the emotional storms, the dissociative time losses and confusion, the memories and flashbacks, tending to ourselves on the fragile days, shaping everything around what we can or can’t handle at any given time, or dealing with the consequences of not being able to shape things in that way?
What would life look like without all that effort being put into just getting through a day? None of us knows the answer to that, and that’s the problem.
Normalcy is the golden ideal toward which we all work. But it can also be pretty intimidating in its foreignness and unfamiliarity. Sometimes the unfamiliarity can be so daunting that we flee back to the familiar just to avoid it.
A fear of loss might also sound ridiculous. What could we possibly have to lose by getting rid of the programmed influences in our minds?
But depending on our individual perspectives, there are a number of secondary gains to a full-fledged and active disorder that might really be missed if they were lost – and although some of them sound “nicer” than others, they are all things that can be perceived as positive by the person benefitting from them. They include (but are not limited to):
The caché of being “different”
The feeling of being special to someone in particular or for some reason in particular
The caring attention of friends, family, or therapist
The excuse to feel bad
The excuse to disclaim responsibility for one’s actions, behavior, or feelings
The excuse to act out
The excuse to do nothing
The right to claim disability wages
Feeling entitled to special treatment
Receiving extra credit for the most minor accomplishments (not having to do as much before people think you’ve done something wonderful)
The loss of “family membership” (if the survivor has to go against the party line in order to work toward healing and the family closes ranks against them)
The loss of specific relationships in the family or organization
The fear of being alone (loss of all existing relationships)
The loss of status
The fear of not being protected by the organization / loss of life (suicide or retaliation)
The loss of the denial and “ignorance is bliss” protections, having to look the ugliness full in the face
Nobody wants to admit that most these things are appealing at all, let alone that they’re appealing enough to sabotage ourselves for them, but we do it all the same. Secondary gains are a powerful motivator, and all the more so because they remain hidden. We disguise them from ourselves under a cover more palatable than the truth, and we just pretend they aren’t there. But things we don’t see are also things we aren’t working to change. If we turn away from seeing these things in ourselves, then we’re standing in our own way more firmly than anyone and anything else is.
I know of numerous people getting free therapy, extra therapy, emergency sessions on demand, extra time, extra attention, and all manner of therapy perks, all on the basis of their professed need. Since these perks would be lost if there were no longer a “good reason” for them, some people prefer (at least at the moment) to make sure that there is always a good reason for them.
One person’s therapist brought a new intern to a session to learn about DID, and this person got so caught up in the excitement and importance of being the living example that she begged to be allowed to do it more often. In the process, she lost all incentive to be less of anything that she was right at that moment, because then she might lose the thing that made her interesting.
A number of people I have known seemed to get comfortable in the role of mental patient. They never wanted to get better or put into practice any of the skills they learned in therapy, because they liked being able to demand help and attention on behalf of their illness. After ten or twenty years in therapy, they were displaying more symptoms and more troubled behaviors than the newly diagnosed people, but they resented any suggestion that decades of therapy should have made them better instead of worse. Most of these people prefer very young or inexperienced therapists or therapists who know absolutely nothing about DID and will need to be taught everything from the ground up. They want therapists who don’t have the knowledge to take them at anything more than face value. The one thing they cannot tolerate is working with a specialist who might expect them to do something besides just be sick.
I know one person who believes that she’s the subject of a grand conspiracy – not in a schizophrenic sense, but in the sense of someone who feels so unimportant that they invent an illusion of being just the opposite. Of course it’s difficult being the sole focus of predators and perpetrators who all want to bring her down, she’s just an average person doing what she thinks is right – the subtext is, that she’s important enough to merit all this attention. The painful truth is that she’s alone, and there’s really nobody paying much attention to her at all, including the perps and predators – but that’s just too hard to admit or accept. She has no incentive to work on any mind control issues – in her case, I think the reality of the present is the thing that’s too difficult for her to face.
But I also know a lot of people who are just plain tired, beaten down by the effort of living. When weighed in the balance, not everyone will find that the amount of work and effort and energy and commitment required to effectively undo mind control programming is worth it. For some people, just getting through time and coping as best they can is enough. I have no argument with that, although I do wish those people would admit it. There’s no crime in not wanting to do deprogramming work, but it would be better for other people who do actually want to do it, if they could understand that lack of progress in “therapy veterans” does not actually mean that the work can’t be done – those who are content where they are should never discourage someone else from going further if they can. But yet, I understand why they don’t admit it – not wanting to do the work would be a shameful and embarrassing admission. Saying it can’t be done removes the pressure of expectation and the shame of acknowledging that it’s a choice.
These are just some of what I have seen – there are as many examples as there are people, because in our own ways we all do this. These are the kinds of uncomfortable truths that we all have to face about ourselves if we are serious about freeing ourselves from mind control programming – not just the horrors of history, but also the hidden obstacles hiding within us right now, in the current day.
They are embarrassing, and shameful, and just plain stupid. It can make us feel like a complete fool, exposing the truths that hide beneath our foolish little self-delusions.
We all have our reasons to hold on to our problems. But if we ever want to let those problems go once and for all, then we have to understand this piece of the puzzle too. Otherwise, we’ll just end up a victim of our own self-sabotage, and our problems will stay yoked around our necks long after the secondary gains are gone.

[kaliope]

wow! definitely something to think aobut

[Kiya]

yeah... I had to give it a few read-throughs... I'm still not sure what I think on a lot of it. But I can see how we (anyone dealing with any mental illness) can fall into complacency with it. Raises the bar higher for me.

[Revu2]

Thanks Kiya for the repost.
It's interesting that artists from painters to chefs first study and understand their trade heritage (go to schools, apprentice with a master) and when they feels it's time, they create their signature style. Picasso's father, also a painter, stopped painting, declaring his son a better artist. And this was during Picasso's teen years as he emulated the masters. He hadn't found Cubism yet ...

[CalmingOcean]

Wow... Tell it like it is, hey?
I actually really like this.

[Kiya]

Yeah, no holds barred. It's growing on me... Especially as I look at my cognitive thought distortions and so forth. I'm challenging the one in our system that insists on keeping us "sick". It's interesting, for sure.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by Kiya

Yeah, no holds barred. It's growing on me... Especially as I look at my cognitive thought distortions and so forth. I'm challenging the one in our system that insists on keeping us "sick". It's interesting, for sure.

I've recently learned this too. I had no idea it was 'me' or a part of me keeping me stuck. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

[Kiya]

hehe - I know, right???? ditto on the commentary - thanks for the smile.

[Fuzzybear]

interesting! thanks