[juniper1959]

I have been in therapy for years and recently was diagnosed with insomnia due to ptsd. I have done some brain-spotting with my therapist. She explained to me what dissociation was, but I have had a hard time grasping the concept. Then we had some trust issues because of some miscommunication and I need to work through that with her.

Meanwhile, in this past week, I have been having memories of things. Not repressed, but things that happened when I was a teenager and young adult so were long ago (I'm over 50, female). I have been feeling like the world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to come up out of somewhere. Some truth or fear or something. Then, just today, I had a clear memory of what I think must have been a series of dissociations I had when I was in my twenties. I was speaking in another voice, not mine in certain kinds of situations with certain people. And then, when I had my first child, I suddenly realized how odd I was behaving and just stopped it. And then completely forgot about it until just now. I have another memory of a very odd way I behaved once in reaction to something, very out-of-character for me, when I was around 13 or 14.

For several weeks I have had the impression that my therapist was worried about me. I was telling my friend about this. She said I should ask her. So I did. She said that during the brain spotting I presented once as very child-like (which is so not me). She thought I experienced a trauma as a child that I could not remember.

Something is very wrong. The world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to push up into my conscious and I don't know what it is or what will happen when it does. I'm scared. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't know how to stay grounded. I can't see my counselor again until next Thursday.

Sorry, tried to edit this to be more concise, but just making it worse! Hope this makes sense to somebody. I doesn't make sense to me.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by juniper1959

I have been in therapy for years and recently was diagnosed with insomnia due to ptsd. I have done some brain-spotting with my therapist. She explained to me what dissociation was, but I have had a hard time grasping the concept. Then we had some trust issues because of some miscommunication and I need to work through that with her.

Meanwhile, in this past week, I have been having memories of things. Not repressed, but things that happened when I was a teenager and young adult so were long ago (I'm over 50, female). I have been feeling like the world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to come up out of somewhere. Some truth or fear or something. Then, just today, I had a clear memory of what I think must have been a series of dissociations I had when I was in my twenties. I was speaking in another voice, not mine in certain kinds of situations with certain people. And then, when I had my first child, I suddenly realized how odd I was behaving and just stopped it. And then completely forgot about it until just now. I have another memory of a very odd way I behaved once in reaction to something, very out-of-character for me, when I was around 13 or 14.

For several weeks I have had the impression that my therapist was worried about me. I was telling my friend about this. She said I should ask her. So I did. She said that during the brain spotting I presented once as very child-like (which is so not me). She thought I experienced a trauma as a child that I could not remember.

Something is very wrong. The world is wobbly. I feel like something is trying to push up into my conscious and I don't know what it is or what will happen when it does. I'm scared. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't know how to stay grounded. I can't see my counselor again until next Thursday.

Sorry, tried to edit this to be more concise, but just making it worse! Hope this makes sense to somebody. I doesn't make sense to me.

Im sorry you are feeling like this. short line in the sand though is for immediate crisis like this you will need to contact a treatment provider in your own location. all we do here is read each others posts, tell each other if we have had the same problems, tell each other what our own treatment providers called that problem and tell how we fixed the problem.

in me when this kind of thing happens my treatment providers call it many different things, mostly an anxiety attack/panic attack. when I get like this I ground myself by taking a walk or by rowing my canoe around the lake. I also smell my apples and cinnimon spices/food items because that also helps bring me back out of my panic/anxiety attack.

Again we cant tell you what you need to do and how to best stop it for you, only you and your (or a ) treatment provider in your own location can do that.

my suggestion is if it continues to bother you call 911, or your emergency crisis lines, or go to the emergency care /emergency room. they will be able to assess/diagnose what this is in you and maybe prescribe some meds that will work for you.

another suggestion is at the bottom of the page is a grey box marked helplines and lifelines. you can look through there and see if any of those crisis numbers can help you.

[jelly-bean]

If you find that you are having real trouble and you don't trust yourself or what is happening then you should go to the ER and talk to someone there. Or can you call your T and talk with her to see if you can get in earlier or if she will talk to you over the phone? If you need to talk you can PM me.

[Claritytoo]

Jelly-bean gave you very good ways to help keep you safe. Also a memory is something in the past. It is not happening now in the present. In the present you are in your home and safe.

[juniper1959]

Thanks. I am on my T cancellation list but she is very popular. Don't think I will get in. I had my son take me to the drop-in crisis center. Of course, they don't diagnose, but they gave me some interesting advice on how to do orienting and grounding. This is all new to me. I've had a hard time grounding. The gal suggested I orient first and then ground. It's kind of what you guys have been saying. I'm just learning all this still and don't quite get it. I think I will practice it now so I actually remember to do it when I get wobbly.

BTW, it is very hard for me to go to the crisis center. I had a very bad experience with one of their counselors about 4 years ago and was traumatized. I have trust issues with counselors ever since then. This makes the whole process of getting help just awful. I am dealing with both childhood trauma (things I remember and maybe things I don't) and a trauma from trying to get help for the trauma.

I have also found that if you go to the ER here for help with psych meds, they will try to involuntarily admit you to the county psych hospital. (Can't go to the real psych hospital because I am on disability medicaid.) The county place is a hell hole. I'm terrified of it.

[Claritytoo]

I am glad you are feeling better.