Question

I had a friend who when I was around him I felt safe, whole, connected to the world. I have never felt like this before our friendship or after. I felt real. Does anyone else have a similar experience?

some people call this bonded/ love/ caring about another, sometimes its even called lust...

short version human beings are a social species. what that means is we instinctually gravitate towards others that make us feel good and in some cases seek out those that we want something from ....

examples

when we find someone that we are attracted to we naturally want to spend time with them be around them.

when some one makes us happy we want to be around them

when some people have been abused and have learned abuse is normal they unconsciously seek out those that they know will abuse them

my point is its perfectly normal to feel connected/bonded with another human being and to feel connected /bonded and safe when around others and with the environment around you. every human being whether they have a mental disorder or not goes through this.

there was a guy.......it seemed bizarre.......he taught me what connection was about....not that i have felt that again like it was with him...it wasnt romanitc.....i dont know how to explain what we had..but it kind of taught me that not all people were bad....

With my t i feel that way.

That is what I am talking about. I could sit down with him and talk about anything and not feel like he wasn't interested or didn't hear what I was saying. We had a similar understanding or lack of understanding of the world. I am trying to figure out who that was. It felt like all of me but it can't be because we are parts.

Safe, whole and connected to the world are not feelings I have experienced with anyone except this person. Why?

I don't want to use the term 'soul mate' but can we say 'soul friend'?

This sounds like a topic to be discussed with a therapist. Probably have a better chance of getting to the core of the feeling.

That sounds wonderful.

I have never been to that safe place.

He used to say we were like minded. I like soul friend. It felt like I had always known him. Maybe you do only find that once in your life. And because I believe there is no rhyme or reason why two people are soul mates, that it is just chance meeting, maybe I should stop trying to figure it out and just embrace it for what it was in that moment. Thanks.

in general it means you have healed a heck of a lot and are able to now feel emotions for another human being to the point of emotions like love, caring,....

....in general.... people who have dissociation problems have the ability to shut off, stuff down, block off, wall off events and emotions that trigger them, even if that trigger is something good or something traumatic.

as people with things like PTSD or Dissociative problems heal they naturally stop stuffing, shutting down, walling off.. the result is they can now feel not only some of the bad stuff but also the good stuff too like love, caring, bonding, connectedness to another human being outside of their internal system.

I have felt that at one time. I was at a point of my life where I felt confident in my feelings and let myself feel so much. It was like we were instant best friends. I thought maybe, like someone mentioned, that he was a soulmate/soulfriend. I felt comfortable telling him practically anything. But then I learned that he wasn't healthy for me.

**trigger warning**

Extremely stubborn, always had to be right, tried to blame me when we had arguments. Tell me I was being too emotional or making a big deal out of nothing. But I knew I wasn't. I knew I had to break it off. But it was hard because I felt so attached, and it felt so right, I had never felt to happy, alive when I was around someone. They made me feel whole and everthing was right in the world. Well, atleast when things were going smoothly. When I broke it off, it felt so painful. I felt like I had lost something terrible even though I know the bad parts were wrong and I shouldn't ever live with someone like that.

**trigger warning over**

So as long as it is and stays a healthy relationship for you, live it up. Let yourself enjoy it. It is a wonderful feeling and I am glad you are feeling it.

I hope to one day experience it again, in a healthy relationship. I have since, from other experiences added to the mix, shut down again and don't feel safe letting my feelings come out. I know this has added to the mix of not feeling connected with others.

Yes. Unfortunately, I don't get to be around this person very often.

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That is interesting because at a point where I was feeling the most connected to him I was also experiencing powerful emotions like grief, panic, sorrow. I felt these things but didn't know what they were. I thought I was loosing my mind. He helped me to realize and identify these emotions. I remember one day in particular. I was consumed with an emotion that I couldn't identify. I was drowning. Almost begging I described the feeling and asked him what it was. All he said was "it's grief". I thought of course it's grief. Grief, why didn't I realize that. He had his own issues with feelings of grief and loss so his words were powerful to me. I will always be grateful to him for being there at a time when I was thinking about leaving. Shortly after, I got into therapy with a Dr. who specialized in dissociative work. Particularly DID. I like the idea that my experience may have been signs of healing. Thanks

Maybe you had an alter that had a crush on your friend? Love? Admiration?

I have thought about that but when I think back I felt whole. I felt safe and as though I could be myself. Not having to worry about danger. I felt in the present. We did talk about some of the abuse I went through when I was young and I remember feeling like I was listing to myself talk. I talked about being beaten by my mother with out feeling anything. It was a narrative. I remember noticing that I felt different when talking about the abuse. I was emotionally detached from the experiences. I was thinking for the first time that my affect was not in line with the subject of which I was speaking. I had done that all my life. Talked about the abuse with a flat affect but this was the first time that I consciously noticed and felt like it wasn't me talking.

I've been there. Felt a connection.