Twilight

I think I had a big break through last night in that moment between awake and asleep. During this time I actually felt my alter coming to the surface inside of me. I heard the thoughts inside my head that didn't sound like mine. It wasn't my voice inside my head. I was communicating with this alter telling her that I loved her. She spoke back to me and said she loved me too. We called a truce. Just then I heard a deep male voice that startled me awake! The deepness scared me and I turned on my TV for comfort. I'm not aware of any male alters, and I still fear ghosts or demon possesion at times. All signs point to DID, but as a Christian I still worry.

Yes, I'm seeing a therapist. Two therapists to be exact. I'm also seeing a retired therapist who now works as a spiritual counselor and a psychiatrist. They all know about my DID and we are actively working on it, though officially I'm seeing them for, "anxiety and depression." That's in order to not ruin my career. My therapist says they do that often. The diagnosis will say, "anxiety and depression" or "GAD" even though the true diagnosis might be a little more complex like my case. I'm very greatful for this because if I had to choose between my career and my kid vs. therapy, which do you think I'd drop first?

Even though I'm seeing an array of professionals, I'm doing the bulk of the work myself, and I think the diagnosis is DID. But that doesn't mean the voices still don't scare me sometimes. As I said, I fear demon possession or other supernatural causes, and even a neurological disorder such as schizophrenia. I'm sharing this experience because I don't talk to anyone about this but professionals. I keep these things as a total secret from family and friends. It gets lonely and isolated suffering by myself, and I really am suffering depression.

Please offer advice if you have any. I'm open to suggestion. Should I be worried about the voices, or invite them into my life? Is there such thing as DID, or do demons just have us fooled? Fear is what had me sleep with the TV on last night. My anxiety shot through the roof. When my anxiety goes up, the voices seem to stop, and I think I might be blocking them out of fear. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my experience. When I'm trying to sleep or right before bed is when the voices seem to be the most active. Also, there is an alter who takes over my body 100% when I'm trying to sleep and talks all night. I always wake up exhausted and only have bits and pieces/foggy memory of the things I said while I was, "asleep."

I'm sorry you're living in so much fear. I have no idea what you're going through, but i hope you get the answers you're looking for. Take care!

I'd get weirded on the possession thing too. But I take comfort in knowing that only God knows our thoughts and hearts. Demons can't read minds. With God in your heart, there is no room for demons. It's great your connecting with your alters. Alters come in both genders, genderless, and as littles. I too can't afford therapy but am interested in the things that you are talking about.