Venting

Hello,
My names Stephen.
I've been diagnosed with dissociative disorder.
My girlfriend had bipolar 1, she is currently under section at the hospital. She's not doing well at all, she is very angry, and mean, I keep telling myself, that this person is not the person I know and love.
She's been in hospital for 3 weeks, with not much change. I want my girlfriend back!!
It's not been easy, I think I'm breaking.
I have zero support system in place.
My meds aren't working, and I have to wait until Tuesday to see a doctor.
I know you can't help me, I just need to tell someone.


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Hi Stephen, hang in their son, she's just going through a rough patch and she'll be fine in the end. I know it's hard with all that you have got to deal with, just don't let it get to you because this is the way it is for us. I can't be certain, but it sounds like she might be caught up in a mixed state due to the anger through the mania and depression. She's in a safe place where she needs to be. Don't worry about her, she's fine. You need to be watching after yourself. We can't have her coming out and you going in, now can we? Tuesday is not too far away, hang in there and things are bound to get better.

Thank you,
You have no idea how much that means to me.
Everyone I turn to, had no idea what I'm going through,
Yes, their friend is in hospital,
She's my beautifulness, but she's not. This person, is horrible! She won't even let me talk to her, she won't let me see her.
I miss my Rebecca, and this one gets angry when I tell her how much I love her.
I don't know if she is trying to hurt me, but she's tearing me up, and I'm scared she means it.
I can't keep up this act I am putting on for my family,
Pretending everything is fine, while I am breaking.



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I don't know what to say. Has she been diagnosed? Have you tried asking her why?

She is seriously not well,
She's delusional, and really nor herself, I know I shouldn't let what she's saying get to me.
That when she's better, we will be ok.
But I have that little voice that won't go away! Telling me she means it all, she hates you, she wants nothing to do with you.
I struggled all last night not to remove my finger, I HATE THAT FEELING!!
Any suicidal thoughts are quickly pushed aside when I think of my nephew, I couldn't do that to him, he's my partner in mischief.

I tried asking her why, she said the hospital won't allow her to talk to me.
Or she gets really angry.



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Please don't let that bother you. We all say things that changes with the mood. Once they get her back under control everything will be back to the way it was. She's just not herself right now and is believing what ever craziness her mind has gotten her to believe. It will end. It all depends on how long her cycles are.
It's not you and she doesn't hate you.

I know. Thank you.
She was talking to me a few minutes ago, she has found something to keep her occupied.
She's far from calm, but she didn't sound angry or agitated.
But I will see how she is tomorrow.
I'm still not settled myself, anxiety is to much, still paranoid.
My dad got me out of the house for awhile, but I didn't feel safe out there.
Taken my meds, hopefully they will help.
But my neighbour is playing his guitar (badly) that's bugging me.
No silly thoughts. But my mood
Thoughts can go from positive to chop your finger off like the snap of you fingers.
I might keep this thread going just to get it all out.

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Feeling a lot better today.
My girlfriend has been talking to me.
She's still not good,
But she's talking to me.
I asked her if I had done anything wrong, she said she is angry at the nurses.
She's not saying I love you, I'll try not to dwell on that.
Her best friend is going in to visit, hopefully she can help to relax her for awhile.
I wish I had gone to work, I don't feel as anxious today, I was feeling sick at the thought of being around people. And the 6 hour bus travel.
I think knowing I have the dr tomorrow is helping.


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It's great that things are coming along. I hope it keeps getting better for you!

If I can keep the positive thoughts going, I have my dr tomorrow, hopefully get new meds, or a CPN, or some kind of support.
Things are out of my control!
I can't change anything!
Things WILL get better!
I just hope it's a quick recovery!
3rd week, without my beautifulness and my step son
=(


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Spent all day winding myself up.
Considering stopping my meds.
Let the blackouts come.
At least I won't be worrying all day.
But they scare me, I have no idea how I function, I don't know what I've done
But beats worrying?

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I've been updated by a friend of ours who was visiting my girlfriend today.
She is still in a fantasy land,
In her head, she's with an ex, from many years back, and not with me.
That explains ALOT!!
Now, I know nothing is going on in the real world, the guy is engaged, and expecting a child.
And I know that they haven't talked in a very long time, her auntie put my mind at ease with that.
I know none of that sounds good, but I can tell you, it's MUCH better than what my brain was telling me.
How come, the part of your body that is supposed to be your allie, can turn into such an enemy??
Anyway, decided to just focus on me for awhile, she's safe.
I don't HAVE to worry about her.
Our friend is going to keep me updated, so I don't have to contact her, and take the abuse.
I should sleep well tonight (=))

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Woke up in a really good mood, for the firs time in 3 weeks.
I now understand why she is treating me like this.
She has it in her head that I have done the stuff her ex husband used to do. He was a prick, verbally abusive. Treated them like ****.
So she's taking it out on me.
It's nothing I've done.
I've stopped communicating with her for the time being.
I'll give her time to come down, and wait for her to contact me
Got my dr today.
And feeling good about work tomorrow. (=))

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Dr put me on quetiapine.
Said I'm doing the right thing not contacting rebecca.
She's getting me a CPN.
I have to go back next week.
If things are not improved, she'll up the new meds, and I thought this was a twisted joke, she said I might end up in next to rebecca, then said I'd be in a different ward. I'd laughed, and she said its a serious possibility.


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I got a text today.
Saying that she is breaking up with me.
Trying not to dwell on it, I think she's looking for me to argue about it.
But I'm sticking to my guns, and not contacting her.
It's hard, but dr said it's for the best.
Getting seriously worried she means it, because she is so angry.
She has it in her head I went to hit her.
Which is complete bull****!
Thankfully everyone we no, knows it never happened.
I'm struggling!!

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I'm sorry Hun. She not not in her right mind at the moment. Reality and unreality are intertwined. She's going to have to seperate the two. Give it sometime, things work themselves out.

Thank you,
I know, she's not the Rebecca I know. At all!!
It's hard not to think about it,
I don't like this quotiapine!
My head is fuzzy!


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Hi Stephen.

I have been reading your posts and wanting to bring you comfort. Now seems to be a good time to concentrate on getting yourself in a good mental state. Rebecca is being cared for and in a safe place.

Please take care of you.

Thank you, I will.
I am going to try to go to work tomorrow,
Try to get a routine back, Fridays are quiet at work, so I hope there will be very little stress, and I haven't been in for a week.
So I hope my work friends won't be weird.
They know what is happening at home with me, mainly because it's hard to hide.
I didn't expect anyone to even read this, let alone show support.

Thank you possum and always changing

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No problem sweety. I hope things get better for you. Routine is good. Work will make a good distraction, it might be hard at first, but you can do it.

I've decided, I'm leaving.
I don't want to.
But the anti Rebecca has beat me down.
I doubt I will be able to come back from the damage she has done.
She has thrown so much hate at her mother and I.
I won't be able let it go.
I hope for her sake, she means it.
And does not have to regret everything.



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Hope did your day at work go? For the moment take each day as you go. Each of us need to evaluate our relationships from time to time. Wishing you peace and joy.

It was ok.
I just got my head down.
I got lectured because of my weight loss.
But it was not as weird as I thought it would be.
A little anxiety, but I powered through it.
I've completely blocked Rebecca from contacting me, at least until she is better.
She's still trying to hurt me.
But, I am note biting.
I have my dr again on the 8th, at the same hospital where Rebecca is, that's panicking me a lot, I don't want bump into her.

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Glad you went to work and has some time to yourself.

Can you take some-one with you when you have to see your doc and they can be a buffer if needed?

Yes, no biting - you will only hurt your own mouth.