[peaches100]

Every so often (maybe once every 2 months or so), I will get a sudden intense burst of anxiety. It is accompanied by a strong feeling of deja vu. When it happens, my heart starts pounding and I get a sick feeling of dread in my abdomen. A picture appears in my head, and it is like one part of me sees the picture quickly enough to respond like "Oh wow! I remember that now, and it's really bad!). But when the conscious part of me tries to see the picture, it fades away and is gone. All this happens within the first 5-10 seconds.

After the picture fades, I continue to feel panic. I feel like the room is slowly spinning or tilting sideways. I get a feeling like nothing is real - almost like I'm losing my mind. It is very scary, so I usually sit down and just breathe slowly until it is over. From start to finish, it takes maybe 5 minutes or so. After it happens, I feel kind of weird and uneasy for maybe half a day, and then everything goes back to normal until the next time it happens - 2 months or so down the road.

Also, it always happens when I am in the same place doing the same thing.

It really bothers me because I feel like whatever that picture was, it was something very, very important regarding my trauma history. But I can never see it.

I also dream all the time about being lost and separated from my family, and it is always due to me not remembering something important (can't remember what my house looks like, my address, or phone number. . . )

What could this be? Is it a type of dissociation? A panic attack? Am I remembering a scary dream?

I'm SO TIRED of dreaming about being in danger in various ways and not being able to get help because I can't remember something important! I am also very forgetful in my daily life.

If there is something bad I don't remember, I don't want to know what it is, especially if it is something bad I did as a child that was my fault. I already have tons of guilt and shame for little reason I can figure out. I don't need to feel worse about myself! But I can't seem to make the bad dreams (and occasional panic attacks) stop. It's like my mind is fixated on something I can't remember and it is ruining my life.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by peaches100

Every so often (maybe once every 2 months or so), I will get a sudden intense burst of anxiety. It is accompanied by a strong feeling of deja vu. When it happens, my heart starts pounding and I get a sick feeling of dread in my abdomen. A picture appears in my head, and it is like one part of me sees the picture quickly enough to respond like "Oh wow! I remember that now, and it's really bad!). But when the conscious part of me tries to see the picture, it fades away and is gone. All this happens within the first 5-10 seconds.

After the picture fades, I continue to feel panic. I feel like the room is slowly spinning or tilting sideways. I get a feeling like nothing is real - almost like I'm losing my mind. It is very scary, so I usually sit down and just breathe slowly until it is over. From start to finish, it takes maybe 5 minutes or so. After it happens, I feel kind of weird and uneasy for maybe half a day, and then everything goes back to normal until the next time it happens - 2 months or so down the road.

Also, it always happens when I am in the same place doing the same thing.

It really bothers me because I feel like whatever that picture was, it was something very, very important regarding my trauma history. But I can never see it.

I also dream all the time about being lost and separated from my family, and it is always due to me not remembering something important (can't remember what my house looks like, my address, or phone number. . . )

What could this be? Is it a type of dissociation? A panic attack? Am I remembering a scary dream?

I'm SO TIRED of dreaming about being in danger in various ways and not being able to get help because I can't remember something important! I am also very forgetful in my daily life.

If there is something bad I don't remember, I don't want to know what it is, especially if it is something bad I did as a child that was my fault. I already have tons of guilt and shame for little reason I can figure out. I don't need to feel worse about myself! But I can't seem to make the bad dreams (and occasional panic attacks) stop. It's like my mind is fixated on something I can't remember and it is ruining my life.

my own treatment providers do not call this dissociation in me. in me its called anxiety with flashbacks. (a flashback is reliving a positive or negative memory) sometimes flashbacks are just snippets (a quick feeling or a quick image and sometimes flashbacks are full blown memory or a full detailed image.

when this happens to me my treatment providers have me do a lot of journaling and meditation/ self nurturing activities to help calm and take care of myself during and after the flashbacks. this also helps to uncover what the flashback is about and what I need to do about it.

since its happening when you are doing the same thing and in the same place Im guessing there is something about that place or thing that you are doing that has some sort of positive or negative importance to you that you havent yet figured out.

my suggestion contact your or a treatment provider, they can help you uncover / diagnose what this is with in you and how to best treat it.

[peaches100]

Thank you, Amanda Louise, for that information. I still have a hard time with self-nurturing, but it's getting a little bit easier. I can see how it would be necessary and helpful during these sudden anxiety attacks.