[ArtGrey]

I'm new to this...
It happens particularly if I look in the mirror for too long, I start to question who I am, if I'm an actual person if what I like is valid, is what I look like valid, do I even like my piercings or my clothes, do I even like what I like, who am I, why do I look like what I look like, that's not me, etc etc etc. It runs me in circles over and over until I can't figure out who I am or what I'm doing at all. I watch myself like I'm watching a movie and it's not a good movie.

I don't know what could cause this, it's a very uncomfortable and uneasy feeling that makes it so easy for me to break down. It usually calms down if I socialize regularly or do something I used to enjoy (sometimes that doesn't even work either).

I have ideas on what could have done this. I've changed my life and possibly who I am very quickly within two years after 18 years of stability and barely changing circumstances. Does that sounds about right? Could my inability to cope with so much change really trigger such intense feelings of depersonalization/identity confusion?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ArtGrey

I'm new to this...
It happens particularly if I look in the mirror for too long, I start to question who I am, if I'm an actual person if what I like is valid, is what I look like valid, do I even like my piercings or my clothes, do I even like what I like, who am I, why do I look like what I look like, that's not me, etc etc etc. It runs me in circles over and over until I can't figure out who I am or what I'm doing at all. I watch myself like I'm watching a movie and it's not a good movie.

I don't know what could cause this, it's a very uncomfortable and uneasy feeling that makes it so easy for me to break down. It usually calms down if I socialize regularly or do something I used to enjoy (sometimes that doesn't even work either).

I have ideas on what could have done this. I've changed my life and possibly who I am very quickly within two years after 18 years of stability and barely changing circumstances. Does that sounds about right? Could my inability to cope with so much change really trigger such intense feelings of depersonalization/identity confusion?

does it sound right? sorry we cant answer that for you, only your treatment providers can answer to what something is with in you.

what i can tell you is that when I have a problem of not recognizing my self in a mirror my treatment providers call it mirror self mis identification associated with my physical (neurological) health problem of having Multiple Sclerosis. short version the protective coating on my nerves are deteriorating. this causes a problem with the brain interpreting signals from the nerves, that tell the brain what it needs to know in order to activate/control motor functions, sight, sight recognition and many other things.

I can also tell you that.......in general..... this symptoms can be many different mental and physical health problems (which is why we can not tell you if what you think it may be sounds right)

I can also tell you that .....in general.....for some people going through what you posted is part of their normal way to be, for others its age related to question who am i, what have I done with my life, what do I like or dont like and go through phases of changing all these things.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers. they will be able to tell you what this is and how to best take care of it in a way that is right for you.

Hi ArtGrey, welcome to PC sweety!

I'm sorry that you are going through all this, and no one here can really diagnose you hun. We can relate though and hope you find your answers. Are you seeing a therapist?

I get what your saying, I think. I hate looking at mirrors. Every now and then after life changes, I'd take stock in the mirror and evaluate what I know and saw. I've always felt a disconnect with my reflection as if it were someone else (because it was). I'd get spacey, lose a sense of self, and just observe, silently. Being with other people made it worse for me because I didn't know how to cope with others.

I've had a lifetime of identity crisis, even genderly. I've grown to unbelievingly accept the mirrored image because of these past 47 years, the reflection hasn't changed much (sigh).

Other times that I'm triggered is when I'm having an emotional breakdown through psychosis. I get so stressed with my anxiety peaking, I feel so out of body watching myself walk, talk or rant. This is usually at a crisis moment on the verge of self destruction. I'll have a switch where another personality takes over to bring me out of it, thus saving myself.

Talk therapy and learning grounding techniques should help keep you reeled in. Sometimes I got to literally pinch myself a few times to get the body feeling back. I hope you find your answers sweety!

Originally Posted by ArtGrey

I'm new to this...
It happens particularly if I look in the mirror for too long, I start to question who I am, if I'm an actual person if what I like is valid, is what I look like valid, do I even like my piercings or my clothes, do I even like what I like, who am I, why do I look like what I look like, that's not me, etc etc etc. It runs me in circles over and over until I can't figure out who I am or what I'm doing at all. I watch myself like I'm watching a movie and it's not a good movie.

I don't know what could cause this, it's a very uncomfortable and uneasy feeling that makes it so easy for me to break down. It usually calms down if I socialize regularly or do something I used to enjoy (sometimes that doesn't even work either).

I have ideas on what could have done this. I've changed my life and possibly who I am very quickly within two years after 18 years of stability and barely changing circumstances. Does that sounds about right? Could my inability to cope with so much change really trigger such intense feelings of depersonalization/identity confusion?

I just came on line cuz I was 'over thinking'! And I find yr post. The universe provides. That's what I was doing was called in a group I belonged to years ago. I forgot all about that until I read yr post. I had to make some big changes in circumstances in the last few months not by my choice. U remind me that someplace I had a list of things to do that usually made me feel better. Darn I moved + have no idea where it is now. Probably an unpacked box in storage. I'm DID + altho change may not be bad, even be good, it takes us time for it to fllter thru + get to just ok first. So IMHO changes can stir things up. Can u take a break from trying to figure things out? For the afternoon or an hour even? u can always revisit it later. Thank u for posting u got me back on track. Think I'll go walk my dog at the park. Other dog walkers r pretty friendly here + will usually say hi, or pretty dog or something. Thanks + I hope u can find a way to feel better.

Originally Posted by ArtGrey

I'm new to this...
It happens particularly if I look in the mirror for too long, I start to question who I am, if I'm an actual person if what I like is valid, is what I look like valid, do I even like my piercings or my clothes, do I even like what I like, who am I, why do I look like what I look like, that's not me, etc etc etc. It runs me in circles over and over until I can't figure out who I am or what I'm doing at all. I watch myself like I'm watching a movie and it's not a good movie.

I don't know what could cause this, it's a very uncomfortable and uneasy feeling that makes it so easy for me to break down. It usually calms down if I socialize regularly or do something I used to enjoy (sometimes that doesn't even work either).

I have ideas on what could have done this. I've changed my life and possibly who I am very quickly within two years after 18 years of stability and barely changing circumstances. Does that sounds about right? Could my inability to cope with so much change really trigger such intense feelings of depersonalization/identity confusion?

those damn mirrors. reflections. i don't even know who that is sometimes looking back at me...

[Kiya]

I don't know, but I can relate to what you wrote. sending support!

[destinymarah]

I feel this way too I always have and I don't know what it is

[finding_my_way]

i spent a lot of time dealing with depersonalization and derealization on top of DID-like stuff.

the depersonalization/derealization were very intense for me at times to the point where i often wondered if i was just a character in a movie or a play and was being watched from above or something. i also questioned whether i was really alive. it got so bad that i contemplated trying to end my life to 'test' that theory. but that was also a result of a medication i was on that made that significantly worse. thankfully, i got off of it and did not follow through with that...but it was very distressing wrestling with those kinds of thoughts.

i think maybe learning some grounding techniques might help and not looking in the mirror for long periods of time. if you can try some grounding techniques, they might help lessen some of that for you and bring you back to yourself a little more maybe.

i never really have had grounding techniques work for me for some reason so cannot really suggest anything, but i just know they do work for some people.

[flockpride]

I can relate.

[Kiya]

I have also had that happen from meds.... freaky stuff. I mean, it's bad enough when it's just happening because of our lives... but then when meds add to that.... yike.

(in fact, not to hijack a thread, I am contemplating which was worse... a med that helped 4 or 5 symptoms but brought on terrible restless leg and derealization. now i'm off the med and all those symptoms are back.... decisions decisions).