Hi, there.

I've posted this thread in Coping with Emotions Section, but I was wondering if it might apply here, too.

So...

I don't feel emotion (unless it's depression, or the fleeting joy of hearing a joke or reading something funny). I'm the type of person that can walk away from any relationship without a second thought. I've realised this early on (years ago), and put it down to being a good thing -that I can move on with little regret.

Until today.

I recently lost a friendship that was extremely important to me. It means nothing to me, now. Like a phase passed.

Am I really that... cold? How am I not mourning our broken friendship? Why don't I care? I'm the type of person that can walk away if I chose, and not look back. And realisig this, and that I've done it many times, scares the hell out of me! How can anyone be that cold, that heartless, and to think that person is me.

I understand if you think me a bad person after reading this. I won't blame you. In fact, you would be sharing my thoughts (I would say feelings, but, you know, those are rare for me)

Has anyone at all felt this way? Please. I need to know if I'm not the only with an iceberg for a heart.

Thank you for reading.
Regards,
Lexa.

[hannabee]

No you're not the only one and I'm not so sure it's such a bad thing. Ive walked away from many a toxic (from my perspective ) relationship. Who is to say it was the wrong thing to do? You must have had your reasons, no?

[just2b]

Strangely, I am the same way. However, I am slowly beginning to understand why and how it works. I too lost a long dear friendship, and I could have cared less. Howver, what I realized later is I wasn't in the relationship, but rather another part. I found myself in tears for what I thought was for no reason or out of the blue. I learned it was this part that was mourning it. Yet I had no idea. I think of the person and feel nothing. But I know it would not be true of this other part.
I am as one would say the out personality and I don't feel emotions much like you mentioned I can laugh or feel what I call very basic emotion. But I have no connection to anything. But T says its protection. It is what it is... Not sure I would say cold.

Originally Posted by just2b

Strangely, I am the same way. However, I am slowly beginning to understand why and how it works. I too lost a long dear friendship, and I could have cared less. Howver, what I realized later is I wasn't in the relationship, but rather another part. I found myself in tears for what I thought was for no reason or out of the blue. I learned it was this part that was mourning it. Yet I had no idea. I think of the person and feel nothing. But I know it would not be true of this other part.
I am as one would say the out personality and I don't feel emotions much like you mentioned I can laugh or feel what I call very basic emotion. But I have no connection to anything. But T says its protection. It is what it is... Not sure I would say cold.

Hello . Thank you so much for sharing.

It's the same here. I smile, more because that's expected rather than because it's something I feel a connection to.

[amandalouise]

no lexa you are not alone. there are millions of normal, mentally challenged and physically challenged people that can move on rather quickly without emotions when break ups and other things happen to them. it doesnt make you cold or heartless.

for some people its just part of their cultural background, there are cultures that teach children from a very young age to move on from the downfalls of life rather than letting emotions rule their actions, thoughts,

for some people its how they are raised. there are many people who are raised with the pick yourself up by your boot straps and move on parenting. with this kind of parenting the positives are reinforced and negatives passed off like ok so that happened , thats life get back on the horse and ride so to speak.

for some people they are taught at a very young age that emotions dont matter or its reinforced to not feel your emotions or as the saying goes they get something negative or painful reaction from their parents for expressing that emotion.

for some people medications can case a person to not feel, not be able to express their emotions appropriately and being able to move on quickly from downfalls. example I know many people on antidepressants that have this problem.

for some people its part of their mental disorder or physical problem that prevents them from feeling\expressing emotions. people with autism, ptsd, depression, and yes dissociative disorders can have what my location calls ....lack of affect (the inability to feel and express emotions )

my point is you are not alone there are millions upon millions of reasons some normal some not so normal depending upon ones location, upbringing, culture and other circumstances can cause this same problem.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact a treatment provider, if there is a medical or mental reason behind why this is happening to you rather than normal for you, your treatment providers can help you sot hat it doesnt keep happening.

We've been told by a few exes that they don't get how we can fall out of love, like flipping a switch. It's usually when we've had enough of the stupid crap going on. Once we say we're done, WE ARE DONE! Lol

Of course we didn't really know of each other then, but we are in sync, it's how we manage moment to moment.

Steve is like that, totally mechanical like. When he takes over, its so robot like.

[IB splitting]

IB doesn't feel anything. And at times when I should feel something, I just don't. However depending on who I am I can feel feelings only when I'm split. If that makes any sense....

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We've been told by a few exes that they don't get how we can fall out of love, like flipping a switch. It's usually when we've had enough of the stupid crap going on. Once we say we're done, WE ARE DONE! Lol

Of course we didn't really know of each other then, but we are in sync, it's how we manage moment to moment.

No_one is like that, totally mechanical like. When he takes over, its so robot like.

Same here. When I say, I'm done, that's it.

Thank you for sharing . I hope you, No_one and everyone else are all well.

Originally Posted by IB splitting

IB doesn't feel anything. And at times when I should feel something, I just don't. However depending on who I am I can feel feelings only when I'm split. If that makes any sense....

It makes perfect sense, it does. When I'm me, I don't feel, but when isabelle takes over, it's like a rush of empathy and kindness. It's weird, but definitely present.

Thank you for sharing .

Everyone has a job to do.
Susie is the nurturer. She is caring, shows empathy, and loves.
Steve is cold, stern, focused and gets the ball rolling.
Steven is a buddy, laughs, b.s.'s with males
No_one absorbs the abuse, mostly hurting, can't handle real

We can have parts that embody different emotions, like Angry Man, he is always angry. He's triggered when their is a sense of injustice or unfairness. He explodes out- and watch out.

I can feel them influencing me also.

Some of the others, there is no clue as to what their job is, like the teens and littles.

[llleeelllaaannneee]

I don't have DID but I have had plenty of relationships where only a part of me was ever really involved with the person. I too easily walked away from them and I think that it was this compartmentalizing that made it so easy.
I also tend to get involved with people that eventually become abusive towards me when I don't do what they want. The part I usually share is compliant and people pleasing so people that like to feel in control of others tend to be drawn to me (or the outward part of me). But the rest of me that doesn't like being controlled eventually walks and the compliant people pleaser recedes until next time...

I feel kinda bad because I know the people that befriend me (they always pick me) have abandonment issues and I certainly don't help! Still, they do become abusive. Idk, it's complicated...

I also wonder if you will see this as a relationship that was better to have left in the future.

I absolutely don't think you're a bad person. And, some helping professions like doctors benefit from little to no emotional response. Your lack of feeling could always be put to use for "the greater good" if you're concerned about it. I bet you can give good advice!