[finding_my_way]

my dissociation has been more calm over the last few years. as a result, i have also seen my psychiatrist a lot less and only really notice severe episodes of it here and there (more here the last year).

however, the last two times i have seen her this year, i have noticed some things after i left that i am not sure if it's mild dissociation or not. the first thing was i recall telling her that i hadn't been depressed much over the last few years...but that is not true at all. it confused me why i would have said that. the last thing that happened when seeing her was i told her about a traumatic event..rightfully, that would have caused a degree of dissociation...and after saying it, i kind of felt myself go a bit further away from myself, either inside or far away, but i heard myself whisper 'i don't know what's wrong with me.' that also confused me because i KNOW why i have issues.

i am trying not to read too much into those things, i just don't know if it means i am maybe a little more dissociative than i realize, especially when i see her. part of me is scared of her, part of me doesn't like her, and part of me does like her. it is also very confusing.

i did tell her if i saw her more, i'm afraid i would dissociate more even if nothing traumatic was talked about, and that was how it was for me in the past...i also don't know why seeing her more would cause it..it just is something i know would happen..

[avlady]

maybe write this post down for her to see and see what she thinks, these are your true thoughts and feelings here.

[Kiya]

That's a good idea. Do you have a DID dx? Sometimes conversations like that happen between outside and inside members.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by Kiya

That's a good idea. Do you have a DID dx? Sometimes conversations like that happen between outside and inside members.

all i know is my shrink said i have dissociative stuff..she did not diagnose it or tell me anyway..but in 2003, i saw in a letter she wrote to someone that i had 'probable DID' and borderline personality disorder but recently told me i'm moving away from the borderline diagnosis.

i am trying right now to sort through my head and what is going on since it has just gotten worse the last few days in ways i cannot explain.