[agrl58]

Hi, I'm new here and was diagnosed with DID back in 2001 by Psychiatrist. I denied everything he said and stuffed everything inside and tried to take care of things on my own for a very long time, not so successfully however and recent medial trauma has resurfaced the DID. I am seeing a T but she is not experienced in DID. Have never worked on my DID so this is pretty new to me even though I have had it most of my life, is what the Psychiatrist informed me back in 2001. Lately I have been having many anxiety attacks, losing time, not remembering things, having flashbacks and being on edge quite a bit as well as moody along with insomnia and hearing voices in my head. I know this all has to do with the DID but I am just so confused. I have done some reading on this subject and just do not understand what alters are, except that they are parts of ones personality. What are their roles? Do they communicate with one another or are they separate and not aware of the others? I am only aware of a few alters that have come out to me already in my head. How do you communicate with them? I am going to have to educate my T on all this because she does not know much about this disorder. Do the alters have to have separate personalities or can they be the same, such as likes, dislikes, tastes, etc? How do you know when an alter is out? Are you aware that your alter is out or are you not present? I know each system is different but I just want some clarity on all this. Thank you.

agirl58

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by agrl58

Hi, I'm new here and was diagnosed with DID back in 2001 by Psychiatrist. I denied everything he said and stuffed everything inside and tried to take care of things on my own for a very long time, not so successfully however and recent medial trauma has resurfaced the DID. I am seeing a T but she is not experienced in DID. Have never worked on my DID so this is pretty new to me even though I have had it most of my life, is what the Psychiatrist informed me back in 2001. Lately I have been having many anxiety attacks, losing time, not remembering things, having flashbacks and being on edge quite a bit as well as moody along with insomnia and hearing voices in my head. I know this all has to do with the DID but I am just so confused. I have done some reading on this subject and just do not understand what alters are, except that they are parts of ones personality. What are their roles? Do they communicate with one another or are they separate and not aware of the others? I am only aware of a few alters that have come out to me already in my head. How do you communicate with them? I am going to have to educate my T on all this because she does not know much about this disorder. Do the alters have to have separate personalities or can they be the same, such as likes, dislikes, tastes, etc? How do you know when an alter is out? Are you aware that your alter is out or are you not present? I know each system is different but I just want some clarity on all this. Thank you.

agirl58

Im surprised your treatment providers did not already explain everything you are asking about, to you....

short answers yes alternate personalities are parts of the diagnosed persons personality (in other words their memories, emotions, traumatic events that have been dissociated)

dissociative type alters do have their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes and reasons for being created.

some people can communicate with their alters others can not sometimes alters do share information with the one they reside with in and the other alters some do not. it all depends upon how much co consciousness there is.

here in the USA there are new diagnostics and labeling that fit everything you are talking about in your post. you will find this information in the link at the bottom of my post. but in general those that have less than marked (meaning less symptoms of memory loss, more ability to communicate\co consciousness,....) disruption is called OSDD and UDD if diagnosed after may 2013.

how do you communicate with your alters, the same way you always have if you have that ability...in short getting the diagnosis does not change anything other than puts a name on what has already been happening since very early childhood.

that said some people who have spent years and years in therapy learn how to listen and distinguish between their alters and learn how to communicate better with their alters. usually using what ever ways they have already been using for all their lives....example some people who have over the years been able to communicate to a limited extent by thinking/talking inside continue to do so and expand on that.

yes each person with DID has their own ways that work for them. my suggestion is continue to work with your treatment providers and understand that if you are here in the USA treatment providers do not just jump in to hey you have DID lets talk with your alters, lets do this with your alters lets do that with your alters....

the first step in therapy for any mental disorders is working on stabilizing and making sure your present daily life is on track and that you have all the tools needed to keep yourself grounded and not suicidal, not self injuring and all the other stuff.

it is only after someone present day life is stable and on the right track that treatment providers will delve into the deeper stuff like what the alters are, who they are, what trauma's and other hard to handle issues have been dissociated into alters.

given that the diagnosis DID has been around for decades your treatment provider most likely knows what that is and how to best begin working with you. there is no real right or wrong way to work with a person with DID, each person is different and each persons internal system of alters are comprised in a way in which they will just like they have been doing for your whole life let your therapist know what works and what doesnt for you all.

example for some people journaling works for others artwork is the key for others its just talking. your internal system of alters already knows how to deal with all kinds of things.

my suggestion if you want to know more about this directly related to you, you will need to talk with your treatment providers, they will be able to explain to you how and why you were diagnosed and will help you to learn how to communicate with your alters,and what your alters jobs, purposes and reasons for being created are.

[agrl58]

I also want to add that I have been dissociating quite a bit as well, mainly at home and in therapy. My body becomes numb and things get foggy and I feel like I am no longer present in the room.

[Georgia Bridge]

Thank you so much for starting this thread! I'm in the same place and I'm so confused and scared and I know so very little about what's going on. I try to learn about it, but then I blank it out. I can't really help, but I know there are people here who can. I feel so helpless. Thank you again for asking these questions and I hope you're doing okay. Georgia.🔐.

[finding_my_way]

i don't have an official diagnosis, but i do have alters. i also have similar questions even though i've been aware of mine for many years. but at the same time, for me, they have been quite silent for the last few years which causes me to question myself (until i feel or hear (rare) one again that is.

for me, i used to hear them a lot at the same time. i could distinguish who was who based on the familiar feelings, voice, feeling of what gender, or their name. but that has stopped for me, and i don't know if it means i have healed that much or what.

for me, i never 100% lost time, just had very fuzzy/confusing time or thought it was a certain day when it ended up being a few days after or before. i tend more to actually blend with some to such a degree that i don't know who i am outside of them...and it's just a huge confusing mess. it also isn't like how it used to be for me where i know which one it is..so i also don't know if it means it's a new one or what is going on.

i would talk to them though or even write. that seemed to help with some communication. it is a learning process for each individual as each system is so different. so, what works for one might not be what works for others. but maybe trying to write would work or even just try to talk internally and let them know you are open to hearing what they have to say.

i would have to write and show it to my psychiatrist in the first few years of seeing her because it was too difficult for me to talk.

Hi agrl58...welcome to PC!

About us: I'm a multiple, and I have known forever, we're 47, but just came to grips with it out of denial, too. We are co-conscious (aware of each other-always have been (well we were but refused to acknowledge it)) enough that we work in co-operation, that is we can talk, collaborate, and vote on life decisions to function as a singleton and switch seamlessly to keep the system hidden. We rarely lose time, but we do have missing memories. My days are bits and pieces and days are a jumble, we barely have no past it seems. It's hard knowing what day it is. Memories usually stay with the alter that experiences them, but we do some sharing also to function (it's funny when an other can't remember the body's birthdate in public and no one says....lol).

Basically for us, the body is an empty shell and the alters are the filling that makes us a whole person (in my system). I don't know who "I" is....it's a loose term, when I think I know, "I" always changes. Sometimes I think it's different "me's", but soon enough it's "them". It seems like I'm a conscience along for a ride keeping things in sync, a central being in thought only, heavily influenced by the others. I'm so disconnected from the physical that the body does what the body does . It gets confusing. I can tell who is up by feel and the head voice which becomes my head voice when we switch, if that makes sense. What's really confusing is when a few other thoughts overlap one another...like now, I'm thinking while another is in bodily control.

We experienced years of mental, physical, and emotional abuse from tyrannical parents....daily/weekly beat into submissions (because we love you to teach you right from wrong), terrorized, ridiculed, etc. I/we (I/we- so interchangeable) escaped when I turned 18, but for sure had complex PTSD well into my late 20's. Being oppressed for so long, others emerged to handle daily life. I was so withdrawn that I (?) didn't have any life, social and coping skills. I exist through others. They present and take over (manners, gestures, walk, sit, thinking, likes, dislikes...changes) and I become them and their thoughts become my thoughts. You see, I always see, but I'm never me because I'm now them. (Head is spinning).

Every alter has a job to do...and I have a lot of alters.....like one for every life situation. We switch all day long, like I and others do the home and online stuff, all the skilled workers go to work, and some are people relation officers, some handle emotions, we have several that are sexual and of both genders, techies, drivers, cooks, some just are, partiers, no goods, etc. Right now, I'm the Reporter as I report what we have learned. My head voice is strong and clinical sounding, like an instruction manual.

I've been reading the technical stuff (theories...structural dissociation and neurobiology) on this condition, and let's see if I can get it close (someone will correct me if I get it wrong)...basically...a baby's brain isn't fully developed till about the age of 5 or so, (some say 7-8...depends on which country you live in...). Memory is stored in the different parts of the brain, like seeing, emotion, feeling, smelling, hearing areas.... Unprocessed early childhood trauma (like the mother/baby bond doesn't happen or is corrupted) prevents the baby's brain from becoming of one mind, naturally integrating (bringing all the parts together for the laying down of a complete memory [there are physical changes too with the hippocampus- books of studies written]).... and so the parts stay dissociated. Some of these parts/states then can develop into full personalities (ANP- apparently normal part) while others are just containers holding bits of memory an emotions (EP-emotional parts- these are generally impulses and feelings)). Some people experience amnesia where the parts are oblivious to the existence of other parts.

Due to the initial trauma, the brain stays dissociated, so that every subsequent trauma experienced is back logged, stuck,....much like a traffic jam. These other unprocessed traumas then develop into more parts. A person with lots of alters is considered to be poly-fragmented (me)...parts of parts to bits and pieces....hundreds to thousands.

There are many types of alters, some are gendered, littles, mids, protectors, persecutors, host, gatekeepers, apparently normal parts, emotional parts, animal parts, managers, nurturers, etc.

Integration is the process of bringing these memory parts (alters) together to form a linear complete memory (it's more complex then this sounds)...the alters then are no longer needed and are considered integrated when what they know become one with the main ego.

That's the basic layman's scientific mumbo jumbo theory that I've put together from reading according to my hole-y memory.

-------------

My other parts are here to handle situations that "I" can't handle (I can't handle life)...something happens that causes me to dissociate, an other emerges to deal with the conflict, and after that, that other will emerge when that particular event/situation/enviroment happens....it now has a job.

We are always switching, some are triggered (a situation or event happens that requires an other part to handle that couldn't be handled by the other present) and some are scheduled- like it's time for so and so to emerge (like home time, work time, shopping time, explanation time, online time, kid time, couch time, school time, crying time, playing time, music time, party time...you name it, we have an alter for that ). We can also request an other to present. We are all equal, no one of us is boss of another...that's just plain rude.

My dissociation is quick that switching is seamless, sometimes a jolt, and sometimes an obvious body takeover. Very rarely do we trance out, but it does happen. I don't experience "blackouts", I'm aware...but some of the memories linger to fade away or are just taken away when switched. Memory is dreamlike and just flashbacks.

I can't see us integrating. Our host (the one out the most) alter is based on where we are in life. It's like we have no main, but plenty of hosts through the years. Depending on where you are located, "host" has different meanings.....for some it's the body itself.

I used to think that all the voices in my head was like my thoughts, and I never noticed that we all had different voices. Everyone thinks we're super smart, but we got many smarts here, lol. I had a journal that I'd write in and an other would respond, like automatic handwriting. I then noticed that the words would pop into my head as I was writing them, so I just started talking to them. It's not like crowd noisy in my head because to talk, they have to step up.

Your T should help you with this, to become aware of your others.

I hope this helps hun, for it took a few of us to write it. I'm sorry that it's all over the place. We've got a "must know it all who gets long winded" with a bunch of interjections! Lol

Like you said dear, everyone's system is different. I hope to hear more of yours.

Obtw, may I suggest finding another T proficient in trauma therapy? Teaching your T to help you isn't really going to help much if you are looking for help. Good luck!

Just call me Crazy....everyone else has.