[finding_my_way]

i am still unsure of what has triggered things for me lately. the season i know is part of it...but surely not all.

i did okay here and there for a day or so, but it's not really letting up yet.

it is like i'm blending with some others but still don't know who. at the same time, it's like i'm having conversations (not anything even in depth or serious) and really am overall losing track of time more than usual.

i cannot really talk with who i am blending with when they are closer to the surface and go between trying to just go with it and trying to get them to talk to me. it just leaves me feeling strange since it's an in between kind of state...and it goes from feeling severely blended with them to not as severe with them closer to the surface some times more than others.

i try to ignore it too but it just makes me feel weird.

last night, i was ok until i don't know what happened..i started to feel this rage feeling and then a moment of fear and then like crying..and then it stopped and happened on and off for just a few minutes. it was so confusing because i know it wasn't me feeling that way..i had no connection to those feelings and wasn't thinking of anything to make me feel sad, etc.

more of why this is all bothering me is because i guess i am trying to put some meaning to it and make progress somehow instead of just going through it/feeling it.

I hope you good feelings...to survive this. Triggers are so hard to figure out...it can be the seasons, times, physical, imagined, olfactory, visual, auditory, memories....or a specific combination of anything...ugh!

I think at a certain point of being tired of being tired in life that we step up to take an active part in self discovery...boy do we have a lot to discover...I'm going through the same thing.

Please take care.

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

... and go between trying to just go with it and trying to get them to talk to me.

OMG I can so identify with this! The last couple of weeks have been a revolving door of emotions and I can't understand why I feel what I feel. If I ask myself why this is happening now - what was the trigger - there is an answer, and it does make sense, but Im not really sure where that answer came from.

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

more of why this is all bothering me is because i guess i am trying to put some meaning to it and make progress somehow instead of just going through it/feeling it.

If you find the answer - tell me! Im so tired of this, but the idea that there is an option other than just go through it --- Its like I have a mental block about that thought. It always surprises me that there is another option, and for the few seconds I think about it before I forget again --- Im drawing up blanks as to what or how those other options can be achieved!