When I read a note written by an other, I get this queasy uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that grows into my chest- a build up of anxiety and stress that I can feel around my heart. It reads like I have absolutely no connection to it. I usually have to quit reading after a few sentences and let the other that wrote it finish it.

If I read a note written a year ago that's so obviously not mine, I'm physically fine. It's like reading a label on a can- no connection to it.

If I start to read a note, and the one who wrote it reads it out loud in their head voice instead, I'm fine and it's okay. If I try to read the same note with my head voice, I get that uneasy queasy feeling and the head starts to fog and daze that I have to quit.

Say that 3 of us each wrote a paragraph in the same note. Upon reading it, whoever owns the paragraph reads it aloud in their head voice- it takes all 3 of us to read it. When I try reading the whole note, I'll be fine reading what I wrote, but have trouble reading theirs.

They experience the samething.

Pretty weird, isn't it?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

When I read a note written by an other, I get this queasy uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that grows into my chest- a build up of anxiety and stress that I can feel around my heart. It reads like I have absolutely no connection to it. I usually have to quit reading after a few sentences and let the other that wrote it finish it.

If I read a note written a year ago that's so obviously not mine, I'm physically fine. It's like reading a label on a can- no connection to it.

If I start to read a note, and the one who wrote it reads it out loud in their head voice instead, I'm fine and it's okay. If I try to read the same note with my head voice, I get that uneasy queasy feeling and the head starts to fog and daze that I have to quit.

Say that 3 of us each wrote a paragraph in the same note. Upon reading it, whoever owns the paragraph reads it aloud in their head voice- it takes all 3 of us to read it. When I try reading the whole note, I'll be fine reading what I wrote, but have trouble reading theirs.

They experience the samething.

Pretty weird, isn't it?

for me before diagnosis I never had a problem with reading notes by the others with in. short version I became DID through extreme trauma before the age of 5, which means it was pretty normal for me to for example when I was a child told to go clean my room and finding a note wrote by someone other than me and my parents saying wow this was so cute when you wrote this,

short version all through my childhood and teen age years and adult years all the way until all my alters integrated\became one with me it was just normal for me to find notes, cards, letters, clothing, school work you name it that the others did when they were in control. So it did not cause me any anxiety\stress.

but after being diagnosed with DID I did have a few days where I could get upset about this kind of thing. it just points to oh man I switched again what did I do, did anyone see, what will others think of me and all kinds of strange thoughts. when I fell into that phase of healing my treatment provider pointed out that its normal for people with DID to do things like finding notes that they dont remember writing. and that after diagnosis nothing is going to happen that hasnt already been happening since I was a young child.

then my treatment provider used the bee hive analogy... a person raised around bee hives, bees and making honey find that completely normal and do not have any problems around those issues, but place someone from a city who has never encountered a bee, bee hives or making honey and all kinds of thoughts and fears come to the surface. because of being diagnosed and receiving the label DID my perception was a bit branched off from my reality. my perception was panic about finding notes when in reality nothing has changed.

then she suggested that I go back to looking at my whole life and seeing finding notes was happening all through my life and was my normal. that stopped the short lived post diagnosis panic attacks when finding notes, clothing and others.

maybe if you look at your life and see that this happening is nothing new for you that this is something that normally happens with DID, its just the nature of the disorder kind of thing. in other words do some reality testing.

[Skeezyks]

Hello AlwaysChanging2: Thank you for sharing your experiences with this.