[planetoi]

Before I begin, I will mention that I talk about self harm in this post, so if you find that triggering, you might want to back out now. I am just wondering, as someone who lives with DID, does this seem like an episode (sorry if that's not the correct term, I'm still learning) of dissociation to you?

I have a history with self harming, but had not done so in about four years before last night. See, every now and again I get into these really hysterical moods where I'm extremely sad and I just sob heavily, and it feels like a release. It is during these sort of "fits" that I used to cut when I was a teenager, and I experienced it again last night. I got this strong urge to cut, but as I was walking to get a razor, it felt like I was possessed. Like I wasn't really in control, just sort of watching while my body did its own thing. I got through a few slashes before I "snapped back" and had this moment of "oh god, what have I done???"

I've had this type of experience before, but never as extreme. Normally I'm able to override the "possessed" feeling, but last night it was so strange, like I was a ghost or something. It terrified me.

I have made an appointment with a counsellor because enough is enough, I can't ignore my declining mental health anymore. I'm just really afraid of what I might find out.

EDIT

I should also mention that of course I'm not asking you to diagnose me, so I do apologize if it comes off like that. I'm just trying to understand my symptoms

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by planetoi

Before I begin, I will mention that I talk about self harm in this post, so if you find that triggering, you might want to back out now. I am just wondering, as someone who lives with DID, does this seem like an episode (sorry if that's not the correct term, I'm still learning) of dissociation to you?

I have a history with self harming, but had not done so in about four years before last night. See, every now and again I get into these really hysterical moods where I'm extremely sad and I just sob heavily, and it feels like a release. It is during this sort of "fits" that I used to cut when I was a teenager, and I experienced it again last night. I got this strong urge to cut, but as I was walking to get a razor, it felt like I was possessed. Like I wasn't really in control, just sort of watching while my body did its own thing. I got through a few slashes before I "snapped back" and had this moment of "oh god, what have I done???"

I've had this type of experience before, but never as extreme. Normally I'm able to override the "possessed" feeling, but last night it was so strange, like I was a ghost or something. It terrified me.

I have made an appointment with a counsellor because enough is enough, I can't ignore my decline mental health anymore. I'm just really afraid of what I might find out.

EDIT

I should also mention that of course I'm not asking you to diagnose me, so I do apologize if it comes off like that. I'm just trying to understand my symptoms

here in my location no this would not be called DID. here DID doesnt have anything to do with feeling so sad and crying and having as you call it fits of self injuring by cutting. here thats called depression and self injuring.

one thing you may not know about self injuring. there is a physical body reaction where chemicals are released called endorphins. the endorphins are what causes a self injurer to feel kind of out of it.

with DID the term possession does not mean a person feels like they are possessed like you would see in tv and movies where spirits\ghosts\entities enter the body and take the body over.

with the DID the term possession is a cultural description. you can read more about this in your libraries or treatment providers copy of the DSM 5. my link at the bottom of my post only states the main entry of diagnostic criteria but not the 5 pages that go along with it to explain the diagnostics more in detail.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by planetoi

Before I begin, I will mention that I talk about self harm in this post, so if you find that triggering, you might want to back out now. I am just wondering, as someone who lives with DID, does this seem like an episode (sorry if that's not the correct term, I'm still learning) of dissociation to you?

I have a history with self harming, but had not done so in about four years before last night. See, every now and again I get into these really hysterical moods where I'm extremely sad and I just sob heavily, and it feels like a release. It is during these sort of "fits" that I used to cut when I was a teenager, and I experienced it again last night. I got this strong urge to cut, but as I was walking to get a razor, it felt like I was possessed. Like I wasn't really in control, just sort of watching while my body did its own thing. I got through a few slashes before I "snapped back" and had this moment of "oh god, what have I done???"

I've had this type of experience before, but never as extreme. Normally I'm able to override the "possessed" feeling, but last night it was so strange, like I was a ghost or something. It terrified me.

I have made an appointment with a counsellor because enough is enough, I can't ignore my declining mental health anymore. I'm just really afraid of what I might find out.

EDIT

I should also mention that of course I'm not asking you to diagnose me, so I do apologize if it comes off like that. I'm just trying to understand my symptoms

I just saw your other post in self injury about what happened, in there you stated you did it to yourself, you did not say an alter did it to you. that jumped out at me because I had just replied to this post where you are wondering if this could be DID....so heres another thought of mine....with DID when there is a violent alter its perceived as the alter did it not I did it to myself kind of thing. I think you can relax about the DID.

Im guessing that because you had a break from self injuring you are no longer used to what it feels like before, during and after self injuring so it was a bit more frightening to you this time. thats actually a good thing (that you are no longer comfortable with the feeling like you did before, and after when thinking about it.) Im glad you are going to get help for this.

[skeksi]

It sounds to me like a type of dissociation called depersonalization, where you feel like an outside observer to yourself, detached. It happens to me a lot and it can be scary and distressing. I think calling a T is a good idea because you can learn more about what's going on for you and how to cope with it.

Hi! Ooo I'll have fun with this one!

This would be my best guess if I was a professional because I know exactly what you are talking about.

Everyone dissociates at one time of another.

I've SH, and as you said, it's a go to action in a certain frame of mind being it's been done a few times before. Since it's a learned triggered process, the brain already knows the process (programmed) so it automatically goes through the motions. I call this conditioning, the brain is programmed to respond when a certain stimuli is introduced, much like a computer is.

The first time I SH, it was a deliberate focused action, much like learning a task like typing- it took focus at first, but then became second nature the more I typed that I don't think about it anymore while typing (sorta).

While the pre-programmed brain is subconsciencely carrying out the program, the conscience mind goes numb and in to a daze (dissociation) to escape the extreme emotion being experienced.

The realization or becoming aware (snapping to) or conscience of what you are automatically doing would be from self preservation, stopping the conditioned action.

Yes, we can program (condition) our own mind through repetition (habit) to function automatically. This automatic bodily action can be interpreted or seen as "possession", because the mind is just subconsciously carrying out its programming while the conscience is dissociated.

We see a therapist to deprogram our mind.

I just know that when I'm not cutting, I'll just sit there in a daze for awhile till it wore off, or an other saves me from myself.

I'm not a professional, but this is the way I see it.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by skeksi

It sounds to me like a type of dissociation called depersonalization, where you feel like an outside observer to yourself, detached. It happens to me a lot and it can be scary and distressing. I think calling a T is a good idea because you can learn more about what's going on for you and how to cope with it.

here in my location its not called depersonalization because it is caused by another medical mental health condition (self injuring is now its own mental disorder called Non Suicidal Self injury therefore because the depersonalization disorder criteria state the problem must not be better explained by another mental disorder, my own location does not call the affects\symptoms from self injuring a dissociative problem any more)

you can find out whether your own location is now using the new diagnostics for this problems by contacting your treatment providers.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Hi...

I read over this post because of the title. I too know very little about the subject of dissociation though I do know some, so I was interested because my therapists have told me at times I do have issues with dissociation - just not the DID disorder itself. I think though too much emphasis has been placed on the poster's mention of self harm. I think the only reason it was mentioned was because this was the moment in time when the "separation of body and mind" (for lack of better terminology atm - words escape me at times) was when that particular event was taking place- that said, self harm often occurs in order to "numb" oneself from emotional or psychological stress or in some way alleviate it, so it would appear to me it was whatever the stressor was that caused the "disconnection of mind and body" versus the action of self harm. I used to self harm quite a bit and while I would "zone out" while I did it, it was more like the zoning out of what a drug addict gets when they get their fix. It was not what I saw described - at all, but even so rather than focus on the act of self harm (one small part of the post) why not concentrate on the question as a whole - and explain why "yes, it is" or "no, it is not"?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Hi...

I read over this post because of the title. I too know very little about the subject of dissociation though I do know some, so I was interested because my therapists have told me at times I do have issues with dissociation - just not the DID disorder itself. I think though too much emphasis has been placed on the poster's mention of self harm. I think the only reason it was mentioned was because this was the moment in time when the "separation of body and mind" (for lack of better terminology atm - words escape me at times) was when that particular event was taking place- that said, self harm often occurs in order to "numb" oneself from emotional or psychological stress or in some way alleviate it, so it would appear to me it was whatever the stressor was that caused the "disconnection of mind and body" versus the action of self harm. I used to self harm quite a bit and while I would "zone out" while I did it, it was more like the zoning out of what a drug addict gets when they get their fix. It was not what I saw described - at all, but even so rather than focus on the act of self harm (one small part of the post) why not concentrate on the question as a whole - and explain why "yes, it is" or "no, it is not"?

I think the reason why everyone is posting about self injury is because the original posters post topic is about their self injury and they want to know whether their symptoms when they self injure is called dissociation.

i too was a self injurer and have felt these same symptoms, in the past ......before 2013.... yes my treatment provider called it depersonalization...

but in 2013 the american psychiatric association put out new standards of what is and isnt included in each mental disorder.

now because of these new standards, if someone lives in america any symptoms that happen immediately before, during and after self injuring is not called a dissociative problem. its now called Non Suicidal Self Injury Disorder (NSSI or NSSID)

I know its confusing switching over to the new standards. I too wish some things could stay the same and things like this be called depersonalization.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Hello amandalouise, thank you for replying. While I understand what you are saying - I also see this statement from you:

Originally Posted by amandalouise

here in my location its not called depersonalization because it is caused by another medical mental health condition (self injuring is now its own mental disorder called Non Suicidal Self injury therefore because the depersonalization disorder criteria state the problem must not be better explained by another mental disorder, my own location does not call the affects\symptoms from self injuring a dissociative problem any more)

you can find out whether your own location is now using the new diagnostics for this problems by contacting your treatment providers.

And must ask you this: Dissociation in n of itself was never considered a disorder - on Dissociative Identity Disorder is considered the full blown disorder related to dissociation - however, many disorders have dissociation as a symptom. Therefore, how can that statement be true?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Hello amandalouise, thank you for replying. While I understand what you are saying - I also see this statement from you:


And must ask you this: Dissociation in n of itself was never considered a disorder - on Dissociative Identity Disorder is considered the full blown disorder related to dissociation - however, many disorders have dissociation as a symptom. Therefore, how can that statement be true?

line in the sand is that its true because of the wording of the new diagnostic criteria. shortest version each mental disorder has its own set of symptoms and diagnostic criteria. your own treatment providers can explain more in detail what Non Suicidal Self Injury disorder is and why the above symptoms would fit into this rather than DID...

in reference to your wondering why we are talking in reference to depersonalization and DID....because the original poster asked in reference to DID (their statement.... I am just wondering, as someone who lives with DID, does this seem like an episode (sorry if that's not the correct term, I'm still learning) of dissociation to you?" ) and the specifiers (dissociation symptoms) with in other mental disorders are called depersonalization disorder or derealization disorder. in order for the treatment provider to specify whether they have dissociative symptoms with their mental disorder they have to state which one it is (depersonalization or derealization) the specification in other mental disorders also include what those symptoms are. in short they are the same things you will find with in my link for diagnostics for each of these disorders.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I honestly never asked about why you were talking about depersonalization AND DID ...