Just to let you know....I'm going crazy. I'm trying to practice forced mindfulness, but the others are trying to grab and tear me away. I believe I can win by holding on and burying them into the back of my mind. It's been an hour now and so far so good. It was hard at first, but it's laxed off, the changing stuff.

If I can do it long enough, they'll be trapped and I can get on with my life, I think. It's worked in the past, the hornets nest of crap.

I can block the voices pretty much. I feel like there is depth in me. I feel rock solid. I feel upset that I haven't a memory of what's going on, just time is flying and nothing is getting done. I was reading about this DID and OSDD thing, frustrating because I feel stuck in the middle somewhere like the bipolar...is but isn't, but is?

I'm getting a headache. I've heard of headaches, maybe because of the lock jaw?

I feel another attack wave coming on. My eyes are unfocusing, drifting, I'm hungry.

This is insane...does anybody else go through this inner battle of the wills? The moment that it dawned on us the truth....all holy hell broke loose and life hasn't been the same.

Now everyone wants recognition for being where in the past it wasn't heard of. I wish that we can go back to right before my partner opened her big mouth about watching that Tara movie so I could unplug Netflix. Life was miserable, but at least stabile. Now it's pretty damn interesting to say the least....back to the days it was like before graduating high school. The inner wrestling for life control...an illusion if there was one.

It's almost been 2 hours.

I'm thinking about closing this account and taking my focus off of us. Playing the distraction card. Maybe things will settle down then. The relationship is shot, so I need to fix the future for me and the kid. Another year until I become a nomad in a van again.

I'm now getting random flashbacks from some of the others trying to trigger a response. I know the tricks. You focus on the memory which triggers an open door, then soon they wedge in and they can do a forced take over.

I can feel it in the arms and legs. It's usually a smooth slow action, but you can fight it and they pull back. Normal people don't do this, do they. -_-

I'm afraid to sleep. My partner asked what I was doing sitting in silence staring at the wall! Lol. It's war!

She thinks I'm nuts. I keep trancing and shaking it off. Now back to the big cold shoulder.

I'm sitting here afraid to do anything to trigger an other out. This is goofy.

I wonder if this can be like aliens trying to body snatch, pretending to be others so they can take over the world. That would suck.

****, it's only been 45 minutes instead. I was about to say this is the longest that I'm me out in a while. :/

Ones conscious almost weaseled through passively.. Boy are they pushing. Practically have to stomp my feet when walking to keep everyone blocked.

Maybe not sitting in the quiet but watching tv will help to distract, or maybe I need to keep concentrating and focusing.

Writing helps...keeps me centered on my thoughts, flexing that brain muscle.

Remember that Freddy Krueger movie...Nightmare On Elm Street? Don't fall asleep!

That's how I feel. I'm coffee'd out and yawning. I started a blog but deleted it. I don't feel like a writer, just an orator. Actually, I feel like a lot of things.

They keep hitting like nicotine fits or withdrawls. I want a cig, but it's only been a few years.

This website is a trigger. I can feel it. Do you know what we do with triggers? We get rid of them. Ha

You lose!

[kecanoe]

I don't have a lot to offer, but I have found letting each part write helps a little. Sorry you are so tormented-I've been there too.

[Skeezyks]