We can't even get help.

It's nobodies fault...not even our own, but it's ours to bare.

We are vixen, toxic, and icky. We are denied.

As a singular, "I" am always changing, gender, age, likes and dislikes, names, personalities, religion, futures, past, present by a moment to moment basis. New "me's" pop out of no where all the time. "I" am unstabile without identity. There isn't a "me" without an Other.

"I" wish "I" was dead....but the Others keeps us living....but who am I???

I just see, that's just me.

I know the physical and mental plus social causes and effects, but that doesn't help me.

I don't even know if me is me??? Me today is not "me" in 5 minutes.

Me is the physical...the rest is the mental...that's me/us.

I love it when I'm told to get a grip...I do, what about the next guy/girl?

So, feeling really more of a burden then helpful like a card catalog does standing in a digitized library...

We say....

[Luce]

I know how badly it sucks to feel that way. Right now, in this moment, it is the way it is. I wish things were different for you all.
One day it might be different, but for today it is this.

Hello to you (all).

Steven: We've riddled these pages looking for commonality of which we've found more than none. It's like comparing bumpers to bumpers in hopes of unification as a common source of interests.

We are romanticized dreamers trying to make the best of the worst...our own private made delusion of course. Our bad. We forget that ones playground is anothers hell. Why we think that this condition is fantismal is something to share in is beyond me. Most are devestated, but no, not most of us. We thrive on the psychological abnormalities and revel in being one....psych major here of course.

Its our enthusiasm that offends everyone else even though we are struggling to live moment to moment. Can't get any crazier than that. Sorry

[Luce]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Steven: We've riddled these pages looking for commonality of which we've found more than none.

Roll back a few years and we would have been dissociating right alongside you. We are stable now... but we were on a continuing rollercoaster of dissociation like you in times past.
I see my past selves in your posts. I am not there now, but I know what it's like. You are doing the best that you can, and today it is enough. You are here, and that is enough. You are you (plural) and that also is enough.

You don't need to be anything else for anyone else. You need to be you, for that is all that you are. It is what it is, you are what you are, and you are here.
It is enough.

Sherri: I can't help but to feel that getting it all out and learning from others just helps to push towards an ultimate goal of centralized healing. A much better than floundering on your own approach. Thank you so much for your support.

We are just such an open book that life has eroded most of the barriers of shame at this point of we not much left.

Originally Posted by Luce

Roll back a few years and we would have been dissociating right alongside you. We are stable now... but we were on a continuing rollercoaster of dissociation like you in times past.
I see my past selves in your posts. I am not there now, but I know what it's like. You are doing the best that you can, and today it is enough. You are here, and that is enough. You are you (plural) and that also is enough.

You don't need to be anything else for anyone else. You need to be you, for that is all that you are. It is what it is, you are what you are, and you are here.
It is enough.

Please tell me more of yourself, please. Thats hard. We are a bunch of me's.

[Luce]

It IS hard being a bunch of me's, especially when the dissociation is fluid and constant, and self identity is so elusive. We had some who were very distinctly themselves, and many others who shifted and hid behind a façade. In our experience (of childhood) that was what was necessary for our own protection. We grew up in a household of multiple abusers and constant dissociation was what got us through each day. We needed to be many different things to fulfil the many different roles that could be demanded of us at any time... while keeping a group of self states who could function in the world without any knowledge of anything. So in childhood the constant switching and lack of any stable self state worked. Time was pretty meaningless because there was never any one stable self to be aware of it. We just limped along in life, switching from (seemingly) one breath to the next.
But that constant dissociation didn't make for a very functional adult life (wouldn't you agree?!)
We were in therapy for many many years. There were two parts of us that, at some point in childhood, made the decision to get us into therapy as soon as we were able to be independent. Their job was to keep us there. For most of the therapy there was little integration of experience or affect, and it felt like there was no progress at all.
But it all came together in the end. I can't even explain how. It's like it happened 'undergound'. Over time there was more cooperation, more empathy and understanding for each other, more respect and an appreciation of the roles each played, and why. And self-ownership emerged. We are now in possession of our self, which is made up of our selves.
And we too
are enough!

We too worked in "co-operation" most of our life, but now we are seperated....free of each other's ideology super imposed for the greater good of a fragmented singular identity.

We are tired.

Being on here has been a negative effect for others, and maybe us, but nothing in our world has changed.

Other than this online forum, we are adrift trying to make sense of life, doing our normal switchy routine without regard of our mistaken destiny...or wishful one.

Whats even real to talk about? Denied mental health care....society eating away at the fringes...misunderstanding amongst other people, irrational behavior...multiple decisions and feelings....prison and solitary confinement sounds heavenly.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We too worked in "co-operation" most of our life, but now we are seperated....free of each other's ideology super imposed for the greater good of a fragmented singular identity.

We are tired.

Being on here has been a negative effect for others, and maybe us, but nothing in our world has changed.

Other than this online forum, we are adrift trying to make sense of life, doing our normal switchy routine without regard of our mistaken destiny...or wishful one.

Whats even real to talk about? Denied mental health care....society eating away at the fringes...misunderstanding amongst other people, irrational behavior...multiple decisions and feelings....prison and solitary confinement sounds heavenly.

<A heavy sigh with you>
I am so sorry things are so very hard, AC.
If I could gift you some peace, even if only for a while, I would.