[yagr]

I'm going to make a long story short in the interests of brevity, but if anyone feels that they cannot answer my question without having more information, ask and I'll explain.

Here's the information I think is relevant: I'm being denied medical coverage at the moment. I could get that decision reversed with a diagnosis of OSDD. My therapist is convinced that I have it. She says that in order to receive a diagnosis, it is not sufficient to simply have it. We must show how it is adversely effecting my (our) lives.

Herein lies the problem. We have figured out a way to live happily with this. When she asked me how having an alter causes difficulty in my life today – I asked her how being a woman causes her problems in her life today. I mean, it is who we are. I don't know what being a singleton is like any more than she knows what being a man is like. I don't have a frame of reference in which to compare the difficulties in my life with the difficulties in someone's life who doesn't have an alter – to be able to say, yes this is a problem due to dissociation.

This might sound odd to you; I get that. When we were DID, the problems were obvious – missing time causes a great deal of problems by itself, but having someone else in the drivers seat who didn't always have your best interests at heart causes no end of problems. In fact, that is why I am being denied medical benefits now: past behavior that appeared to be behavioral instead of psychological.

Now though, with OSDD, we don't lose time and we are better than best friends. The problems I can think of are pretty minor. Often we don't recognize people we have met before, but a quick switch and/or a debriefing and we're back on track There is also the issue of whoever is in the backseat having something important to say and it drowns out any conversation we are having at the moment. For instance, my therapist was talking to me and she said something that rocked my alters world. She started crying (happy tears) and talking to me so fast that I couldn't hear anything my therapist was saying. I had to stop my therapist and ask her to repeat the last three minutes because I wasn't present for the conversation.

But like I said, those are pretty minor inconveniences – at least for us. Life is so much better than it was that I think of it as more or less perfect now. Whether it is objectively perfect or not doesn't make much difference to us – we're happy, so yay! But now I have a vested interest, for purposes of self care, to find the less than perfect parts and take a look at them. I'm having trouble. Can anyone suggest anything in your experience that I just might be missing because it's normal to us?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by yagr

I'm going to make a long story short in the interests of brevity, but if anyone feels that they cannot answer my question without having more information, ask and I'll explain.

Here's the information I think is relevant: I'm being denied medical coverage at the moment. I could get that decision reversed with a diagnosis of OSDD. My therapist is convinced that I have it. She says that in order to receive a diagnosis, it is not sufficient to simply have it. We must show how it is adversely effecting my (our) lives.

Herein lies the problem. We have figured out a way to live happily with this. When she asked me how having an alter causes difficulty in my life today – I asked her how being a woman causes her problems in her life today. I mean, it is who we are. I don't know what being a singleton is like any more than she knows what being a man is like. I don't have a frame of reference in which to compare the difficulties in my life with the difficulties in someone's life who doesn't have an alter – to be able to say, yes this is a problem due to dissociation.

This might sound odd to you; I get that. When we were DID, the problems were obvious – missing time causes a great deal of problems by itself, but having someone else in the drivers seat who didn't always have your best interests at heart causes no end of problems. In fact, that is why I am being denied medical benefits now: past behavior that appeared to be behavioral instead of psychological.

Now though, with OSDD, we don't lose time and we are better than best friends. The problems I can think of are pretty minor. Often we don't recognize people we have met before, but a quick switch and/or a debriefing and we're back on track There is also the issue of whoever is in the backseat having something important to say and it drowns out any conversation we are having at the moment. For instance, my therapist was talking to me and she said something that rocked my alters world. She started crying (happy tears) and talking to me so fast that I couldn't hear anything my therapist was saying. I had to stop my therapist and ask her to repeat the last three minutes because I wasn't present for the conversation.

But like I said, those are pretty minor inconveniences – at least for us. Life is so much better than it was that I think of it as more or less perfect now. Whether it is objectively perfect or not doesn't make much difference to us – we're happy, so yay! But now I have a vested interest, for purposes of self care, to find the less than perfect parts and take a look at them. I'm having trouble. Can anyone suggest anything in your experience that I just might be missing because it's normal to us?

no most people cant suggest anything that ...you...may be missing. short version they want to know what ....your....system is like, what problems ....you...deal with on a daily basis. they dont want to know what I or others deal with...

let me show you what I mean....

one person may hear voices while another person might not, one person may feel spaced out while another does not ...one person may lose time but not to the severity of DID both others may not...

only you know what and how you deal with things on a daily basis. there is no right way or wrong way in which mental disorders ....affect....a person. there is uniform diagnostic criteria across the USA now that all must meet but your problem areas may be different than another.

my suggestion is not to worry so much on what you are missing. sit down and write out any .....problems... that you do have...one good way is to think about why you are seeing your treatment provider. people dont go to a treatment provider for nothing. what are your goals and problem areas you are working on.

Another suggestion is read your past posts. i have noticed sometimes when people post they are not thinking about what they are posting, they post about their problems and such so maybe you can re read your past posts or take your past posts in to your treatment providers.

again only you know how OSDD fits you and what OSDD problems you have. So only you can tell your treatment providers about those problems you have.

i know what I am saying may not be what you want to hear but I would rather you get diagnosed based on what you have not on what you are comparing and your head accidentally cause you to have my problems because that in itself is another mental disorder called mental disorder imposed on self/ imposed by others. its better and less harmful to you that I dont lead or guide you through what you need to know for your treatment provider. just take it one step at a time and go according to your own existing problems. you know what your problems are, when you have a problem sit down and write it on your list. just be yourself.

[finding_my_way]

not sure if any of this will help as it's just my own experience and will differ from yours.

i don't have time loss issues really, and i have found a way to be semi stable (depending on the situation) by controlling the environment around me, as in i do not work outside of the house or it would cause a lot of triggers, disruptions, anxiety, etc. which would set things off a lot more.

things that affect me related to the dissociative aspect of things are emotional effects from feeling the others' feelings. it can range from mild sadness to severe depression which can cause functioning difficulties for me, not necessarily on the outside though and more internal, so no one would have any idea just from looking at me. there are also just overall times of confusion and things i cannot verbalize at the moment.

sometimes, it's also things like not sleeping well which can cause some things to become unbalanced, so for me it's not always 'just' the dissociative related stuff that is an issue that disrupts functioning even if it's just mild. the careful balancing act that has to be done at times IS disrupting and takes a lot of energy, so i also have low energy from a mix of all of this really.

also, just not knowing what can set what off at what time is difficult for me. things can be very stable with little issues but at other times completely opposite...but there can be varying timeframes, weeks to months (though not recently) of being ok versus not.

so, as you can see, sometimes there are other things that can cause functioning difficulties, mood disruptions, sleep disruptions, etc. that can cause overall imbalances in the bigger picture of things. i think those should also be taken into account on the part of professionals because they are things i look for as red flags and stressors that can create functioning difficulties and not 'just' the dissociative responses/switches, etc. on their own.....for me, a lot can go hand in hand, like a domino effect. so, i think it all needs to be considered too and not just how dissociation alone affects a person as there is so much to it than 'just' the dissociative response.

i hope some of that made sense.

[yagr]

finding_my_way,

You are right - your experience is different than mine but it was close enough that you've pointed out some things that I probably wouldn't have thought of without your post. Yours was exactly the type of post I was looking for and you've helped us tremendously. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have to run out the door right now so I don't have time to explain all the ways this helped but I can't leave without saying something (and we might come back later to add more)...but like this:

things that affect me related to the dissociative aspect of things are emotional effects from feeling the others' feelings. it can range from mild sadness to severe depression which can cause functioning difficulties for me, not necessarily on the outside though and more internal, so no one would have any idea just from looking at me.

I have worked outside the home before but usually I've had to work for myself. When I have tried to work for others and a boss, co-worker, or customer treats me poorly (i.e. is rude, yells at me, etc.) while *I* may be able to maintain, a protector in the background is losing her mind and those feelings keep me from being able to continue functioning properly. Anyway, that's an example of something I hadn't thought of before your post that I can talk to my therapist about now.

heh- we both want to cry right now from happy gratitude - again thank you. I'll pass it forward - sometimes I don't respond to someones post because I'm not sure I can help - but I'll try to remember this and answer anyway next time.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

no most people cant suggest anything that ...you...may be missing.

finding_my_way did.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

short version they want to know what ....your....system is like, what problems ....you...deal with on a daily basis.

Such is the problem with acceptance. Once something is truly accepted, we don't think of it as a problem any longer. For instance, I have a physical condition that does not allow me to walk to the mailbox - I don't have the strength to do so any longer. But walking to the mailbox is not something I do any more - so it's not something I think of as a problem. There is never a day that I can walk to the mailbox, but it's not an issue unless it's something that I am trying and failing to do.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

they dont want to know what I or others deal with...

As with the last example - I didn't think of it, but I asked my wife who is sitting here to help me think of an example. She came up with the walking to the mailbox example. Likewise, some things you or others deal with, I may not - but some things you or others may. I am not going to own your problems unless they apply.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

only you know what and how you deal with things on a daily basis. there is no right way or wrong way in which mental disorders ....affect....a person. there is uniform diagnostic criteria across the USA now that all must meet but your problem areas may be different than another.

Yes, or they may be the same.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my suggestion is not to worry so much on what you are missing. sit down and write out any .....problems... that you do have...one good way is to think about why you are seeing your treatment provider. people dont go to a treatment provider for nothing. what are your goals and problem areas you are working on.

A good suggestion, but one that doesn't apply in this case. I was referred to a therapist by my primary care provider for depression due to sleep deprivation brought on by chronic pain. In the course of talking to my therapist, my alter came up.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Another suggestion is read your past posts. i have noticed sometimes when people post they are not thinking about what they are posting, they post about their problems and such so maybe you can re read your past posts or take your past posts in to your treatment providers.

A good suggestion.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

again only you know how OSDD fits you and what OSDD problems you have. So only you can tell your treatment providers about those problems you have.

Again, I don't always think of how it effects me as a problematic - but a treatment provider or diagnostician might. For instance, I don't go out in public if I can help it - I don't socialize. I run into too many people with whom I seem to have history with that I do not know. As a result, I don't want to go out and socialize. I don't want to go out and socialize so I don't go out and socialize - so no problem, right? I don't think of it as a problem but it seems my treatment provider considers this a negative impact of my OSDD. Who knew? I certainly didn't. And yet this is the type of thing she is looking for - and the type of thing I fail to see as a problem. Hence my asking for help.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

i know what I am saying may not be what you want to hear but I would rather you get diagnosed based on what you have not on what you are comparing and your head accidentally cause you to have my problems because that in itself is another mental disorder called mental disorder imposed on self/ imposed by others. its better and less harmful to you that I dont lead or guide you through what you need to know for your treatment provider.

I believe that I understand. It seems that you think I shall simply pretend to, or fool myself into thinking that I have whatever symptoms that I deem appropriate whether I do or not. I'm sure many people do that so it's probably a fair concern of yours.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

just take it one step at a time and go according to your own existing problems. you know what your problems are,

Not always. In fact, I am often surprised when I learn that my wife does not have any difficulties doing things that I struggle through. I simply thought everyone struggled through those things - come to find out, they don't. But so many things that I have trouble with, I simply don't know are symptoms of OSDD - some might be symptoms of being an idiot, some might be symptoms of being raised in a violent, dysfunctional home, some might be symptoms of being an aspie, some might be symptoms of PTSD, some might be symptoms of ... and the list goes on.

So yes, even if I am able to identify a problem or difficulty that I have in life - and even if I am able to ascertain that most people don't have that same difficulty - I still have no idea what causes that difficulty - whether it is OSDD or something else.

Asking for help is hard. Being stonewalled is frustrating. Giving up is easier.

[amandalouise]

thanks for clarifying and understanding my rather long post to you.

I was reading your past posts and something jumped out at me.. you\your system if I remember right tends to err on the side of in my locations terms over analyzing (end up second guessing and trying to find the right way or most appropriate way ) when being tested or assessed for things like disorders, problem areas.

it can be much harder to figure out whats a problem and what isnt when you bring into the situation what a treatment provider would consider to be a problem with OSDD.

heres something to try. tomorrow when you get up take paper and writing utensil. and at that very moment write what your thoughts are, what your plans for the day are. keep it as simple as you can this is only for you not for a treatment providers eyes, just you and your own private thoughts and activities., like writing a journal or to do list. then periodically through out your day pull out your writing and write how the day is going so far, any obstacles you have had to over come and adjust to, lean to get around. again this is only for you and your private usage.

the point of this is that at the end of the day you will have a clear picture of what your routinely daily problems are and how you managed to over come those problems so that they dont overtly affect you. then if you ....want to...you can share this information that you discovered about yourself and your daily living with and over coming problems with OSDD, with your treatment provider.

heads up the fact that you have to work around and after solving the problem at the moment is considered affecting your life. so if this was me I would share that with my treatment provider and show her how i have worked out problems so that they are no longer problems in my own eyes. my point most likely even the problems that you have worked ways around will fit to get your diagnosis so dont worry about whether you or your treatment provider thinks its a problem or not. just add it to the list even though you may not feel its a problem. the more on the list whether you feel its a problem or not the better, gives you and your treatment provider a starting point to figuring things out.

I also have a wife. though my wife respects my private writings sometimes I feel i need more privacy so I take my writing to the bathroom with me. (Just a suggestion if you are a very private person writing wise.)