At a wits end

Okay...47 years later....and we are still struggling to stay alive since day 1.

It's so hard trying to fake being one, but it's freaking obvious if you stayed just one night.

Lately, just saying screw it and cashing in has been like the ultimate delete button to eternal bliss: no more b.s.

Consciously and sub-consciously (?) we tried....but Others get in the way. Why should I live to endure? Why do other people get to enjoy their fulfilled rich life while they prolong my Earthly human hell.

Prison....sounds really good, just saying.

I see you. I care. You are valuable and worthwhile. We haven't met in person but I have some sense of who you are from your posts. You have a way of expressing and seeing things that is unique. You are a beautiful 'mirror'. (i.e., has some similar experiences but an outside perspective). What do the Others say about their reason(s) for getting in your way?

Wow. That reads pretty good. I wish I knew who wrote it. Poor person, so depressed. I can feel her. Shes never happy. Awww

Have you asked her what she is trying to tell you?

She's Despair. We take anti-depressants, but you can't beat her level of depression. Bare in mind, our mind is fragmented where moods and emotions are there own entity.

Huggies to despair.

Do you know what she wants?

Your situation sounds familiar... I have 'Self-hating Kevin' despite anti-depressants.

Ya. Death.

I think life can be very hard for those parts of self that only got to experience negative or traumatic aspects of life. No wonder they want out. Who wouldn't, if the only thing they ever experienced in life was trauma or one overwhelming emotion?
I used to have one teen whose job was to hold the feelings of sui. That was her lot in life. She was scary as heck for the rest of us.
But over years of her being triggered out to 'do her thing' we began to trust her, and value her (she held that stuff so we didn't have to), and from that grew love, appreciation and gratitude for her.
She's completely changed now. And she doesn't feel any of that bad stuff anymore. A little bit of love can work wonders for someone who never had any of it.

Me too. Medicated to the gills and in lots of therapy. And I have a teen just like Luce's. Just wanting her around was enough to start a transformation

Distant hugs for that teen one, Kecanoe! Those teens are tough, and have had a rough deal. They are awesome.

Self-hating Kevin wants death too but he exists because he offers me hope of an "out". My therapist and I are supposed to start working with Self-hating Kevin. He is a little less accessible now since I've cut myself off from facebook and news media (those create a need for Self-hating Kevin because the world makes me feel utterly hopeless). I can't keep my head in the sand forever though and Self-hating Kevin will emerge and work with my therapist as I plug back into current events.