[kecanoe]

In session with T1 today, he sort of offhandedly said that H is usually borderline crabby. And I spent most of the session in a weird state that wasn't quite switching. I couldn't see the room very well and I could hear most of my alters talking all at the same time. Most of them were pretty upset. Like how can I be married for 29 years to a crabby man and not realize that he is usually crabby?

The thing is that him being crabby is one of the main triggers I experience at this time. T3 wants to know about any switching I do between sessions so H tries to help me with that by telling me when I am being switchy. And I often don't know that is what I am doing.

So if I don't realize that I am triggered and switching is he actually a crabby person and I just have never realized it? I think the reason this freaks me out is partly that I am in a 12 step group with a woman who didn't realize that her H was molesting her daughter. And it makes me wonder if my H has other icky qualities that I don't even know about.

I hate being confused like this. And I am not sure how to tell t3 about it tomorrow.

[Luce]

omigosh, that is one scary part of dissociation. You just don't know what goes on when you're not there.
You and t and your alters can work on this. You don't need to figure it all out right now.
It will be okay.