[ThisWayOut]

I'm finding I dissociate a lot with this whole car buying thing we are going through. I'm worried I will make a bad decision because I'm on autopilot. I have my wife there with me, but she just goes along with whatever the dealer says. She readily agrees to a monthly payment we can't afford until I bring it into question...

I've tried several grounding techniques to keep present at the dealership, but so much of the situation is triggering on so many levels. I've asked to have other people there with us, but no one wants to go (understandably). I've tried making a plan with my wife about what questions to ask, what our maximum budget is, how to let her know i'm dissociated, but that all seems to go out the window when we get there. She passes all control back to me, even when I'm not really there.

Has anyone dealt with major financial decisions when having dissociative issues? Any tips? We don't really have anyone we can get to come with us that will do anything besides be another body. I don't feel confident in not agreeing to a bad financial decision just to get out of there (and because we really need a car asap)...

Thanks.

In our hey day we made some of the dumbest decisions ever because we can't agree on anything...after too many...we get an inner specialist whose job it is to deal with that particulat aspect of life. They usually do the homework and research to get prepared and spearhead the project.

We also quit making snap decisions. If its that important...I usually give it a day and sleep on it...I usually come up with our best thought or decision.

I don't know if you can do any of that...but good luck.

[finding_my_way]

i've done that..not with a car situation though.

i would try to write down a list of questions and take it there or even have two lists, one for them and one for yourself to write things down while there or they could write the answers down for you.

when i go to the bank, i often get them to write things down for me. if it's other situations without sensitive information like a bank, i will get people to email me back answers to questions after i provide them with a list.

i cannot retain information well, so that is something that helps me if i'm not 100% with it during things like that.

[Luce]

Would it help if you prepared a written plan in an untriggered state before you went that gave the absolute maximum plan you would be willing to agree to... so that no matter how triggered you are, your wife knows that she can take control and not sign anything that exceeds the terms you have previously settled on? (Did that make sense?)

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

In our hey day we made some of the dumbest decisions ever because we can't agree on anything...after too many...we get an inner specialist whose job it is to deal with that particulat aspect of life. They usually do the homework and research to get prepared and spearhead the project.

We also quit making snap decisions. If its that important...I usually give it a day and sleep on it...I usually come up with our best thought or decision.

I don't know if you can do any of that...but good luck.

Thanks. I don't really have anyone I switch out with, just check out, so everything falls to me. When I dissociate, I go on autopilot and pretty much simply "do as I'm told"... I do try to wait on major decisions as much as I can.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Luce

Would it help if you prepared a written plan in an untriggered state before you went that gave the absolute maximum plan you would be willing to agree to... so that no matter how triggered you are, your wife knows that she can take control and not sign anything that exceeds the terms you have previously settled on? (Did that make sense?)

I think this might work, along with the list of questions mentioned above... hoping this will help make the car decision feel less overwhelming.

Thanks all!

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Thanks. I don't really have anyone I switch out with, just check out, so everything falls to me. When I dissociate, I go on autopilot and pretty much simply "do as I'm told"... I do try to wait on major decisions as much as I can.

My best problem solving technique is to go to sleep and let the group pro and con it....in the morning I usually have the golden answer.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm finding I dissociate a lot with this whole car buying thing we are going through. I'm worried I will make a bad decision because I'm on autopilot. I have my wife there with me, but she just goes along with whatever the dealer says. She readily agrees to a monthly payment we can't afford until I bring it into question...

I've tried several grounding techniques to keep present at the dealership, but so much of the situation is triggering on so many levels. I've asked to have other people there with us, but no one wants to go (understandably). I've tried making a plan with my wife about what questions to ask, what our maximum budget is, how to let her know i'm dissociated, but that all seems to go out the window when we get there. She passes all control back to me, even when I'm not really there.

Has anyone dealt with major financial decisions when having dissociative issues? Any tips? We don't really have anyone we can get to come with us that will do anything besides be another body. I don't feel confident in not agreeing to a bad financial decision just to get out of there (and because we really need a car asap)...

Thanks.

what helps me stay grounded in making major decisions like this is I go into the process with a list of questions. this way if I start feeling a bit out of it I can actually say I have a few questions then whip out the paper and read each question as they answer them. I also wear soft comfortable clothing, always helps to feel comfortable in my clothes and body, I also have a special (for sentimental reasons) ring and bracelet that I wear, taking a quick moment to notice my ring and bracelet also is a quick grounding tool that I use. another one is I remind myself to breath. always helps to take a few deep breaths.

[just2b]

Much relate to as house buying so dissociative...don't even remember putting offer in ...but ok...but not cause bad triggers the house will be and not everyone know...ride from hell in store for some....